On Fire
I pulled up at some traffic lights. Funk music was blaring from my car as if I were a seventies pimp on my way to collect my money from an assortment of spandex-clad ho's.
If anyone had told me a few months ago that I would be listening to AI-generated funk covers of metal songs, I would have laughed in their face and spat in their eye.
Well, the joke's on me because I am hooked.
Over the racket of funk I saw a bespectacled guy in the car alongside gesticulate frantically at me. Crikey, maybe he was a funk-soul brotha? No doubt wanting to wish me well in my journey through life.
I decided to ignore the fucker though, there was always the possibility that rather than being my funk brother from another mother he might just have been after a sniff of my pants.
That shit happens when I go tootling about town.
Honk!
I huffed and looked to the side. For fuck sake, this guy wasn't quitting. He was motioning me to roll down my window.
I let out a weary sigh and shook my head.
Alright then you doss fucker.
I clicked the passenger side window down and said, as patiently as possible.
WHIT!?
I threw in a gnarly, I'm going to punch you until you look like smoked tofu look for good measure.
Mate, you're on fire!?
He squawked like a parakeet in a blender.
Well, thank you very much!
I must admit I preened a little. It's not every day that my magnificence gets recognised by strangers on the street. Perhaps it was the funk, perhaps it was just my awesome mannity.
Mate, fuck sake... Your engine!? I think your engine is on fire?!
He pointed frantically at the bonnet of my lovely, still sort of new car.
I flicked a glance in the direction he pointed.
A curl of steam was gently rising from the engine like the breath from a Spaniard's nostrils in the early dawn morning as they attempt to steal the milk from their neighbour's goat.
Aye sure, I'll crack the jokes dude.
I laughed and shook my head at the absurdity of the prick. Couldn't he see that I was living my best life? Ain 't no rain on this brutha's parade?
What? Seriously mate, pull over and turn your engine off.
The man looked distraught, as if I had somehow gotten him pregnant and given him the news that I wanted nothing to do with the frog spawn shit he was incubating.
I frowned and gave him the hard stare.
Was this a carjacking? Was he attempting to get me to pull over so he could soil my interior with a different kind of funk?
Aye dude, I'll turn your engine off. LOL.
I rolled my window back up and fixed my gaze ahead waiting for the light to change.
Owl-Man shouted something at me but it was lost in the funk and the foggy smoke billowing around the car.
His car roared off as the light changed with him still gesticulating madly at me. No doubt he would be using this tale to moisten up his wife later. It wouldnt be the first time I had been used as a sex-aid.
Something beeped on my dashboard, a red light winking in and out.
Hmm, now the car was nagging me? Surely there couldnt be anything wrong with it? I mean, it was practically new?
I mean what rotter would sell a family man an absolute piece of shit banger that was going to go on fire within a mere month or two of being purchased?
Surely such things couldn't happen in a civilsed world such as this?
Nah, it would be fine. I just needed more funk...
Hi mate long time!
It is interesting how something as ordinary as traffic lights can become a hilarious and epic moment of self-discovery :)
Hola dude!! Long time indeed!
Haha, yes, who would have thunk it! 😃😃
Did somebody say funk music?
FUNKEEE!!!! 😃😃😃
Ah mate Don’t talk to me about smoking cars . One blew up one of me shopping centres a few years ago here . Christ almighty . An Islamic woman saw smoke coming from her car . Decided to best course of action was to park her smoking car in an underground car park of a shopping centre. She then took his car leaving the car smoking an unattended . The next thing we know , all the cameras went black and she blew up half the shopping centre . If your car is an old Opel Zafira or a Vauxhall Zafira , snap 🤣🤣🤣. Imagine the look on our faces reviewing the footage and a woman in a hijab is legging from a car before an explosion . I was a bit stressed that day
I can imagine that stress! Terror incident inbound!! Fucking parking in an underground car park tho, thats nuts!
When I parked up at the garage I was staring at it thinking, please stop smmoking like that. Please pull through.
Fortunately my old mechanic dude is quite down to earth and he was like, ah its fine it will be your coolant system that fucked. I am hoping that he is right and that the engine itself isnt goosed.
It was a sight to see though!
The car on fire and mechanic lighting his Marlboro on it 🤣🤣🤣. Not a bother on him hahaha
I have always loved the way that total worky dudes will just chill and smoke snouts when there is major drama happening :OD
Everyone who crosses me shall burn. Although if my car pulls throu to the other side I might be more benevolent :OD
The part where you misunderstood his you are on fire statement got me seriously amused. You thought you had found a kindred soul in funk music, but alas no, it was you car engine that was faulty. Or not. Maybe it was an attempted carjack, seeing as your ride was new and shiny. It's good all that drama didn't interfer with you excitement for funk music. Hell of an experience, mate!
Maybe my car just got excited as it thought it had found a kindred soul 😃😃
We can no longer be friends -_- [unfollows]
obviously joking it would take a lot more than that XD
The car didn't actually catch on fire did it D: I'm assuming you at least didn't go out in a blaze of fireball glory seeing as you're posting this.
Hehe , I could genunely understand that! Its mental.I would really have eaten my hat at the thought. When I heard this AI fake group I was literally blown away and thought, oh my god I am really enjoying this.
Its a shocking turn of events. The world is ending!
It didn't catch fire but it was smoking and at first I thought it might be steam but as it became more apparent, it was more smoke than steam. I ran straight to the garage and begged them to fix it.
Its still there and that was two days ago :o/
Oh dear, kind of almost hope that they're just dragging their feet and it's not something really serious and hard to fix and cripplingly expensive x_x
He said they are waiting for a part to come in from Nissan. I can but hope he continues to be not an absolute shyster!
Oh yeh waiting for parts can definitely slow things down x_x Has it arrived yet?
Alas no. I have been holding around with my rucksack telling the times before wheels!
Electric cars catching fire is quite unstoppable. A couple days ago the motorway a few junctions down from us had to be closed for the whole day because a transporter carrying electric vehicles burst into flames. 😵💫
Bloody hell, a whole transporter! I am glad in that respect that I dont have an electric as I wouldnt be joking about being in one of them and it catching fire!
Mine is a coolant thing, apparently it detached itself from al lthings engine'y and my car was overheating like a monster. Still will probably cost a fortune, sigh
That sucks dude, fuckers in the dealerships are scam artists. Hopefully the car was fixed by those bastards free of charge!
They are indeed, They act like your best friend whilst sliding the knife between your ribs.
I dont think it will be free, I am awaiting the cost although they told me it was the coolant unit so hopeully it wont be massive!
That was just the laughs that I needed on a rainy morning, thank you! Though I do hope that your car is okay and did not burn out completely. I have my experience with overheating cars, and it's very expensive. One of the reasons I don't own a car anymore, but just a regular muscle powered bicycle.
I used to be a bike man till I got kids!
I am hoping it wasn't too badly damaged, at least it could still drive which has to be a plus. But fingers crossed and time will tell
My kid got her own bike, she's gotta learn early. But our small town is easy to bike as well, and we rarely have to go elsewhere. For that, we either take cabs or busses. Or borrow a car. My bad luck seems to be restricted to cars I own :-D
I hope that luck changes in the future!
I have both of mine riding bikes now but it was torture getting them to learn. They just had no balance!
That's you!
LOL how old is it? A month? Don't tell me it's electric, or shame on you!
Fortunately it is not brand new, It is just over five years old whihc is just over its warranty period, boo. That really is me up there! :OD
Haha what a coincidence right after warranty!
It's funny how that happens eh! lol
Oh no, not the new car! What was the problem? They don't make them like they used to. Our 2025 Subaru Forester Hybrid with 3k miles on it has been in the shop now for over a week with no solution in sight. It's been starting rough for a few weeks...the engine was violently shaking then three warning lights came on. I have a feeling we'll be insisting they buy it back.
Apparently the bolts holding the coolant system (all four of them) came loose and the collant system was rattling about inside the engine only held in place by the various hoses and pipes it runs to various parts. Eventually the rattling about poked holes in the various tubes and all the coolant leaked out so have to get a new coolant tank and pipes and once they are installed see if there is any further damage.
Thats rough on the Subaru! Three warning lights, thats nuts, This one I had is the only one I have ever seen on any of my cars. I think Iwould faint if I saw more than one at a time!
Oh wow, that could have been a catastrophic failure. The dealership must've skipped their inspection before putting it up for sale.
Yes! It was pretty intense to have so many lights lit up on the dashboard and the engine thrashing around under the hood like a jackhammer. I talk about it a little in this post. The dealership has had it for a week and a half now and we're no closer to resolution.
With all the problems I had with the jeep and my nervousness today, you made me laugh so sweetly. You are extremely positive, you love humor and I like your posts.
Oh dear, were the problems bad?
I do try to be positive, the other way leads to madness!! 😀😀
I also installed gas in the Jeep so it wouldn't start, but I'll fix that.
You are a better man than me if you can fix car stuff. I am hopeless in that regard!!
It's funny how certain phrases can be really good or really bad descriptions of something. Cars are just supposed to get us around, not act as mobile cremation machines. I hope yours gets sorted.
I've seen some of these 'AI' music things come up in my Youtube feed, but not looked too deep. The whole AI thing is seriously disturbing. This is not the future I signed up for. I want to be the one making the music. Find me a machine that cooks my dinner and does the ironing.
I too want to be the one that makes the music. I was dead set against it. The problem being that I think there will be a time very soon where it will be hard to tell with commercial music where real artists begin and AI ends.
Just keep playing it's what I intend to do!!
I hope my car gets fixed. It's been three days now. I am feeling antsy about it!
The music definitely clouds your mind, or maybe it's the smell, hahaha. I imagine the man worried about the fire, and YOU thinking that you've been used as a sexual object. Well, I've never been used like that, but it must be nice, hahaha.
I wish you a happy weekend.
It's never too late to be used as a sexual object! 😀😀
I blame the music for everything!
LOL.... I'm so positive this can't be happening, I'm going to ignore what I am seeing.
I like the concept, like, ignore it and it will go away.
Hope it was just a loose hose or something and easily fixable.
oops... after I posted this, I saw what happened in another comment.
Haha, I wish it was just a loose hose.
I genuinely did think the guy was just being a wank and then when the smoke got smokier I was like oooooh shit!!! 😀😀
I hope it is still under warranty and someone else got to pay for it.
Alas, the warranty expired just before I bought it. Funny that 🤣🤣
LOL.... that should be some sort of comedy line right there. I can see Benny Hill saying that.
I can too. I can laugh just now because I haven't got the car back and I haven't got the bill. I will probably be crying in a few days! 🤣
What made you listen to AI music? An accident.., I can't bring myself to try..
I would never have tried on purpose but one popped up in my YouTube feed and it was a Megadeth cover do I thought, what the fuck, this will be shit. Them I listened and it was hilariously good. It wasn't too I checked out who did it that I saw it was by Fake Music and was AI as I genuinely didn't realise at first!
It is kind of awesome 😀😀
The problem with AI is that no matter how much we despise the way it's taking over everything, it is good! At making photos look amazing, at writing, anything you want and of course, it follows that it's good at music too. We are all being forced, kicking and screaming, into a fundamental change of mindset.
I need to see you rewrite this from Owlman's perspective! Just gets in late from work and says to the wife, "I've just had a right do with this knobhead who was listening to AI-generated funk whilst his car was on fire..."
Sorry to hear about the car, mate. I hope the wife's not blaming you too much for buying a lemon, whether you actually had the final say or not!
Enjoy the weekend. At least you can have as many beers as you want :-)
I fucking missed this for some odd reason. I will blame AI!!
Aye, it really is good. I think that if your stay in the mindset that it is all slop and crap you will get left behind. Probably end up like my folks asking me to tune in their telly every five minutes and figure out how their VCR worked 🤣🤣
I hear what you're saying and things never change except get more complex. I now have the wife's old man wanting me to sort his soundbar, reinstall his mobile banking and reconnect his TV box. If AI could sort this out for him, without my help, I'd be seriously impressed!
That's my fucking hope for AI, it can replace the folk who came tie their own shoelaces, technologically speaking 🤣🤣
Good Lord, thank God nothing serious happened and you didn't end up losing your car. A few years ago I had a hard experience when my car caught fire due to an electrical circuit. I managed to turn off 🧯 with the help of other people the accident, so the insurance qualified it, I fixed it and sold it cheap. Another driver, I noticed that my car was on fire, uffff I relived that moment with your story. By the way, I was listening to music too, Guns N' Roses...🎶
Hot damn, that's awful!!
I am hoping that I get my car back. It's not entirely guaranteed but I have all of my fingers crossed!
I also wish that it is not so serious and you can get your car back, as soon as possible.
Cheers! I'm hoping that Monday is the day!
Hope so...
The person we learned to drive from had taught us that no matter how loud the music is in the car, our attention should be on the screen in front of us, then we can avoid accidents. There is no other way.
It is always good to focus on what is ahead.
Except when drinking beer. Then it is good to look behind
Damn that's not good. Hopefully it can get fixed or its under warranty...
I haven't heard any AI music yet. I heard that there is a new AI actress though. Strange times
I saw that AI actress shit, I mean, who would really want to watch a movie full of them. Although it is hilarious how much it is terrfiying the industry. Welcome to the world of AI fear!
Everything is AI now it seems. Hard to trust anything
Totally. You can't tell photos fakes in the same way you used to be able to
Yes exactly. And its still in the infancy stages. I feel like AI just became a thing like maybe last year.. maybe this year lol
At the end of the day it was an emergency, car on fire, at least you made it fun 😅. I hope you get it sorted out soon.
The AI is acupading every corner of our life, so I'm not surprised that there is music made with this tool, so goes the future, we'll see what comes...
We can buy hope all will be well! For AI as well as with my car 🤣🤣
Only you could turn a near engine fire into a full-on stand-up routine. The confidence, the sarcasm, the funk soundtrack, absolute cinematic perfection hashaha
Well yea have to make the best of it 🤣🤣
Haha, deep!
My middle name 🤣🤣
Sure hope you switched that engine off and took a friggin look, hijacking a burning car I doubt, being in one is scary as shite!
Yup bugger that banger sound we all need to head bash, a good one at that let it rip.
!BEER
I did as soon as the dude was away and then I hotfooted it to the garage where my vans had been ever since!
I hope I got it early!
Hope you did, these things all cost of late, not good to have no wheels.
https://x.com/lee19389/status/1975345972818653435
#hive #posh