Mindfully Handling External Anxiety

If there is something I've learned over time which has been effective in my life is how I've avoided the anxieties of others. Though it hasn't always been easy, I quickly realised on time how carrying the weight of someone else's worries could derail my plans and goals. Over the years, I've embraced mindful practices that help me stay grounded and compassionate without letting unnecessary tensions, especially from the outside world, consume me.

I love to show too much concern for people than tending to mine, and this always takes a toll on me until I realize that I can never save everyone as they will keep coming when they see how fragile your heart is and want to help no matter what especially when you can't say no. A recent experience with my uncle reminded me why this approach is so important.

Just yesterday, my maternal uncle called to inform me of how tense he has been since a relative of his told him to start planning on moving out of the apartment she gave to him. According to him, he has lived in the building for 13 years without paying rent, this is a big kindness considering the long duration of years. Meanwhile, my uncle has had a plot of land, which he has been working on gradually and had planned to move into his house in the next 2 years, not knowing something unexpected and one that demanded urgency was coming.

For him, he never expected his helper (relative) to call to inform him of her plan to put the apartment on sale because she needed money, hence telling him to start planning on moving out.

This caused anxiety in my uncle, and for him to tell me, this would mean another emergency I never expected would happen so soon, not even at the start of a new year where I had planned and decided not to commit to any responsibility that would involve money. Just last December and now, I've spent a whole lot. My trip to Lagos last week took a whole lot and when I returned back to my place, I'd lock up from giving out money for a while until I am balanced and have settled down fully, at least for the next 3-6 months.

My sister and I spoke at length concerning the issue but I immediately told her I wouldn't be committing to any urgency for now. Initially, I could have been anxious, too, knowing he is my uncle and would need our support, but for a person like me, I hate to get into unnecessary tension, especially one I never planned for. I have my goals I am pursuing and I wouldn't want another person to jeopardise the plan or try to dash into my life where I am just managing what I have.

This is why I try to live a simple life because when they know you are okay, they start coming up with different bills just to choke you with it.

For me, this year, I have made up my mind to be mindful of how I spend and, of course, would do the ones I can while shutting down from what I wouldn't. My uncle is anxious and, at the same time, under tension, as he could be called anytime from now to pack out, and he hasn't even roofed his house or cleared the grasses around, except for the cemented places. He is running around just to fix up 2 rooms so they can move in while working on the rest as time goes on.

He even tried to calm me down so as not to bother myself; of course, I wouldn't. I would have been under tension also, but I have decided not to let someone's anxiety affect me, and the ones I can do will do and won't stress myself when I can't.

As I reflected on this situation, it reminded me of the principles I've always lived by to mindfully avoid letting the anxieties of others disrupt my life:

The first principle is setting boundaries. I've learned to say no when necessary, unlike in the past when the word "no" didn’t come quickly to my mind until I committed to it, and then later, I would start feeling bad because I would be in a tight corner. My financial and mental well-being matter, and while I care about others, my stability is what I prioritise so deeply.

Staying focused on my goals. This is yet another principle that has helped me. When faced with someone else's worries, I pause to remind myself of my own plans and goals. With this, it helps me to avoid being overwhelmed by situations beyond my control.

Showing empathy without carrying the burden. Just like I did with my uncle, offering support by listening and providing advice is something proven to have helped me thus far. I choose to be compassionate as it doesn't mean sacrificing my peace. By listening and being empathetic, I don't have to take on someone else's stress.

These strategies have helped me navigate situations like my uncle's without feeling bad or guilty or even losing focus on my priorities. This isn't about being indifferent; it's about knowing how to care without letting it consume me.

This approach has been effective for me, and it's something I'll continue to apply throughout this year and beyond.

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_{Both images are mine}