In the absence of war [LOH #226]

I started my Yoga Teacher Training last weekend, and when I saw the new prompt for the Ladies of Hive writing challenge, I figured what the hell... divine something.

Mindfulness: How do you achieve inner peace despite busy life and daily struggles?

Obviously, mindfulness is one of the hot words in yoga, so I've been mulling it over a little bit. And the more I think about it, the less I like the modern-day definition we've created for mindfulness. A lot of people talk of mindfulness these days and when you ask them, they'll say oh I do yoga or meditate or go for walks or have a gratitude journal. A lot of that kind of stuff, and what worries me about that is it's sort of a general stock-issue version of mindfulness. Except, since we're all so varied (not different, but varied), what are the chances that my inner peace looks anything like yours?

Is yoga a source of inner peace for me?

Some days. It gets that blood and that energy moving through my body which obviously creates some joy. And it's a good distraction from the thoughts that often overwhelm me, so perhaps it's a moment of peace. A beacon of peace, but really, if that's achieved it's usually through other annexes that, while vital in yogic tradition, aren't really valued in modern culture. Don't worry, I'm not gonna go all holier-than-thou understood-the-meaning-of-life on you. It was only the first weekend, after all.

I would say (some of) the auxiliaries of yogic living like taking care of your body and your diet lay the groundwork for inner peace, but it's certainly not a matter of just doing 15 minutes of quick stretches and you're all kumbaya.

As for meditation, I can't say I know how, that I am able to meditate, so I can't really point to it as a source of grounding, either. I tried, during the weekend, and ended up dreaming about Winston Churchill's secret son. So I'm not sure I understand meditating.

But what is inner peace? And inevitably, what is inner war?

I have a hard time defining "inner peace", so instead I try to think of the things that unravel me, that make life difficult, chaotic or seemingly not worth living. I find things get quite chaotic when my relationships are out of order. I struggle with setting boundaries sometimes, which often invites unease. I have a tendency to self-isolate and be too much in my head sometimes, or reversely, perversely, too much in my heart. My emotions often wreak havoc.

I think a great source of joy and fulfillment is that busy life, the people who get on your nerves, the ones you're incapable of helping, the ones who make you laugh. I think an important issue with our modern times is that we've convinced people that mindfulness comes from long, uninterrupted sessions of "self-care" and "me time" and indulgence. And surely, there's value in having your needs met instead of trampled, but we've long crossed that point. It seems nowadays, people need more and more saunas, spa days, yoga retreats, and general self-pampering to achieve "peace". But what happens to life?

Living is here. It's the business and the struggles and the cold feet. And oddly enough, I believe that's also where peace is. When we say "inner peace", we think stillness, quiet, but what of the resilience and joy of getting through a challenging day? What of seeing the beauty in your kid's face when they're being annoying or loud, even?

For me, inner war comes when I'm too focused on myself and forget about others. When I'm being untrue to myself or conducting myself poorly, facetiously in my personal relationships. When I hurt others. And if so much of my inner war is connected to my relationship with others, how then could inner peace be sitting quietly, serenely away from them?

Someone recently mentioned to me taking an entire day out of the week for "self-care". A someone who isn't bound by young children, elderly parents or in other way living the rest of life in service to others (in which case, a day for yourself would be understandable and needed). And in a way, that's representative of this modern culture where we have so much available to pamper ourselves and make life easier in a myriad of ways unavailable to past generations, yet we always seem to need a little more to achieve mindfulness and serenity. A whole day, I thought? To do what? Me, I prefer "self-care" in little trivial daily ways like eating a healthy meal or being in the sun for a bit.

But these are digressing musings. I am trying to establish my own relationship with things, so back to the question at hand. How do I achieve inner peace?

To be honest, I don't know that I do. But lately, I've had a string of good days. Of days when I didn't feel ashamed of how I'd carried myself in this life. Days where I tried to be kind and truthful with people around me, without trampling my own gut instinct or my own needs and wants. I have long days where I devote myself to making and writing things that are beautiful and laden with meaning, at least in my view. Days in which I've taken care of myself, but in general, pretty low-key ways (i.e. not assaulting my body with unhealthy foods/products, moving around a bit to compensate for my brain's typical overdrive, washing my hair). So I guess I haven't been in an inner war of late.

Maybe this, here, is inner peace.

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Got thoughts on the matter that you'd like to share? Please do. Or better yet, even, write your own response-post to this week's Ladies of Hive question. :)