RE: To conquer or to be conquered?
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In this century, relating has become a dilemma.
I am 23 years old and I have battled against my shy, introverted and eccentric nature. I didn't know how to relate in my childhood because of bullying, I developed selective mutism and basically spent my childhood at home. So I reached adolescence without the skills that a 15 year old should intuitively know.
It is difficult to say if the nature of my person is a consequence of the circumstances of my life or if on the contrary that nature is the most genuine thing about me.
But basically because of the opportunities I missed or rejected, I have no close friends or supportive people. Let alone partners, bonding is something I'm very much a stranger to.
Socializing is something I don't even understand today, and if you don't master that art, then you can't know anything else.
I have tried to practice in the virtual world and in real life, but it doesn't change anything. The truth is that I've reached the part of my life where I can no longer do anything about who I am.
It's like being trapped in a room that you don't want to leave, but at the same time you're curious about what's in the outside world, that makes you afraid to stay in the room for too long, but it can't do anything but make you uncomfortable for the future.
And have you tried to get out of that room? I'm not saying deny your nature, or your personality, as that would probably be the most damaging thing for your future, but look for activities where there's something you enjoy doing. Ideally, if these activities involve other people, and even if they're not 100% virtual, you'll establish points of contact through the common interests or tastes you share.
Let me give you an example. I also find it difficult to relate to people who are not part of my intimate sphere. This weekend, I signed up for an event organized by the municipality, which was a photo walk. Photography is something I enjoy, and I thought it might be something I'd like to do.
I can say that although the group was very small, I was very pleased with the time we shared, and that it forced me out of my comfort zone for two hours.
I used to try to go out occasionally, but that changed when I realized that I wasn't making any progress.
I was doing activities with people with whom I had nothing in common and whose way of acting was very difficult for me to tolerate. They were very different from me, I tried to fit in by acting like them, but no matter what, I didn't enjoy what I was doing or who I was doing it with.
I had to make the decision to act for myself or for others, I chose myself and that is why I have remained alone despite constantly going out in the street.
I see. I understand pretty well the question of being surrounded with people that aren't very easy to be with. That is what I like about having the option of being with persons that make me fell that I can be myself without having to put a mask.
I think that you can find a group of persons that share that concern of respect for the "other" and they are true to them self, without any theatrical way of acting.
Thank you so much for your share, Neblo.