To conquer or to be conquered?
https://pixabay.com/photos/virtual-reality-woman-technology-4490469/
The other day, after meeting up with an ex-girlfriend for brunch, and after a very pleasant late morning, a few questions came to mind.
I'm a very introverted person. I don't have a personality that leads me to meet or establish contact with people who aren't part of my circle of friends or acquaintances.
Advancing age is also not a factor that will be at all positive, and will make it easier for me to expand my circle of friends. But of course, all this with my convenience and my shyness playing very high stakes.
I was born in 1978, almost at the end of the year. And that might even say a lot about the way I lived my youth. Back then, it was normal not to spend the day at home. During our free time, we would go out and socialize, or alternatively, we might even share a few hours with our friends at someone's house. But time was rarely spent in front of a television or a console. The internet wasn't as important as it is today. One of the advantages of having been born before Google even appeared.
But that whole framework was about to change very soon. What happened was that the group of friends gradually changed. Little by little, it became smaller. Many of them got married, almost all of them had children and even moved away. Of course, some also got divorced... But few remained single like me.
This brings up some points that we have to get used to. At family gatherings we start to be addressed as “different” beings. Do we all have to fulfill our biological “obligation”?
And if so, at what cost? Shouldn't we look for and try to have someone available by our side? What's the point of being with someone just to avoid being alone? Isn't that an amputation of the real reason for a relationship?
Will looking outside of ourselves ever make us happier that way? I don't think so.
The fact that I'm almost 47 makes the whole process of conquest a little more arduous. Women certainly don't look at men with less self-confidence. And this lack of self-confidence ends up leading to fewer and fewer interactions that could have any practical result in establishing lasting or meaningful relationships.
A reduction in these interactions leads to an increase in insecurity on both sides. There is no initial stimulus that can lead to a search for the other.
There are now some technological options that help with interactions. A few years ago I tried the best known of these mobile apps - Tinder. The photos I used really weren't the most interesting, and even my biography wasn't something that could arouse the interest of the opposite sex.
What did a period of a year and a half in which I had the application installed and was using it end up bringing? Well: even more insecurity! Hardly any “matches” and those that did happen, which as I said were few, almost never resulted in a brief and unproductive exchange of messages. Neither the level of conversation was interesting, nor did the person on the other end show the slightest interest in going on a date and not just exchanging messages without any real interest.
This led me to uninstall the app. A few months ago, a relatively younger friend of mine told me about another app where he had made contact with his current partner. It's called Bumble. And from what I understand, the big advantage is that it's the woman who has to make the first move when the match happens.
Maybe that's something I'll try out soon. At least it makes everything a bit simpler. No pressure to start the conversation.
Could it ever be better than really discovering people in the non-virtual world? I don't think so. I'm not going to give up on continuing to take part in events that I find interesting.
This morning I'm going to one that will take place in the historic center of a town very close to my home. It's going to be a photographic tour of the historic center, and who knows, maybe I'll make some new friends or establish some new acquaintances.
Life is much more than living together with someone, of course. But it's certainly a journey that's much more enjoyable if you're in company.
I hope you enjoyed my brief reflection for today.
Cheers🍀
Free image from Pixabay.com
Translated with in Deepl.com
It is still possible to meet people to old fashion way. I believe that we are just out of practice. It is in us, just a once of courage.
Yes. One thing that I don't have enough. Courage. You are so right about it, my friend!
Have a great Sunday!
!PIZZA
🙏
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@oadissin(1/15) tipped @xrayman
Come get MOONed!
When it comes to online relationships, I have mixed feelings, because like everything in life, there are two sides to the same coin. I remember back in the '90s, a friend of ours met a guy on what was then the very primitive MSN. And we were like, “Are you crazy for going to meet him? What if he's a total lunatic?”
Well, they ended up getting married and now have two wonderful kids. Meanwhile, some of my other friends divorced just two days after marrying their high school sweethearts.
I truly believe that long-distance or “pen-pal” relationships — like those once carried out through regular mail with someone on the other side of the world — have been around for ages. Online, you just have to be a little more cautious about scams and do your homework, but in the end, just like in real life, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith.
Good luck!
Thank you @sissim72 for your thoughts and personal idea about this particular issue. One thing that plays a huge role in all of the relations, is the confidence that you have in yourself. And in that particular field, I must confess that I have a big stone to push uphill...
Thank you so much for your comment, and for the time that I'have took to read my entry.
Have a great week!
In this century, relating has become a dilemma.
I am 23 years old and I have battled against my shy, introverted and eccentric nature. I didn't know how to relate in my childhood because of bullying, I developed selective mutism and basically spent my childhood at home. So I reached adolescence without the skills that a 15 year old should intuitively know.
It is difficult to say if the nature of my person is a consequence of the circumstances of my life or if on the contrary that nature is the most genuine thing about me.
But basically because of the opportunities I missed or rejected, I have no close friends or supportive people. Let alone partners, bonding is something I'm very much a stranger to.
Socializing is something I don't even understand today, and if you don't master that art, then you can't know anything else.
I have tried to practice in the virtual world and in real life, but it doesn't change anything. The truth is that I've reached the part of my life where I can no longer do anything about who I am.
It's like being trapped in a room that you don't want to leave, but at the same time you're curious about what's in the outside world, that makes you afraid to stay in the room for too long, but it can't do anything but make you uncomfortable for the future.
And have you tried to get out of that room? I'm not saying deny your nature, or your personality, as that would probably be the most damaging thing for your future, but look for activities where there's something you enjoy doing. Ideally, if these activities involve other people, and even if they're not 100% virtual, you'll establish points of contact through the common interests or tastes you share.
Let me give you an example. I also find it difficult to relate to people who are not part of my intimate sphere. This weekend, I signed up for an event organized by the municipality, which was a photo walk. Photography is something I enjoy, and I thought it might be something I'd like to do.
I can say that although the group was very small, I was very pleased with the time we shared, and that it forced me out of my comfort zone for two hours.
I used to try to go out occasionally, but that changed when I realized that I wasn't making any progress.
I was doing activities with people with whom I had nothing in common and whose way of acting was very difficult for me to tolerate. They were very different from me, I tried to fit in by acting like them, but no matter what, I didn't enjoy what I was doing or who I was doing it with.
I had to make the decision to act for myself or for others, I chose myself and that is why I have remained alone despite constantly going out in the street.
I see. I understand pretty well the question of being surrounded with people that aren't very easy to be with. That is what I like about having the option of being with persons that make me fell that I can be myself without having to put a mask.
I think that you can find a group of persons that share that concern of respect for the "other" and they are true to them self, without any theatrical way of acting.
Thank you so much for your share, Neblo.
@xrayman, I paid out 0.631 HIVE and 0.000 HBD to reward 4 comments in this discussion thread.