Parp

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I sauntered into the living room after finishing work. It had been a long day and I was looking forward to making something tasty to eat and then sitting on my chuff on the couch and examining my belly button fluff.

Mid sashay to the kitchen I froze as if I had slammed into a glass wall.

What in the name of fucking God is that?

I exclaimed aloud to the empty room.

Before me on the dining table was a large coppery horn. It looked like some manner of Viking penis receptacle. Or perhaps some kind of hairy crevice inspector?

I approached it slowly and carefully. It caught the light in strange ways making me feel giddy and unsure of my place in the world.

Tentatively I leaned forward and poked at one of what looked like three buttons at the top of it.

Nothing happened.

Jesus, what the fuck is going on?

The thing reeked of evil, of dark deeds carried out in even darker places. I could almost hear the slow drip drip drip of something dripping in a wet cavern vaguely lit by a soft red glow.

Was that voices? Could I hear voices? Fuck this was like a horror movie. The longer I stared at the devilish thing before me the louder the voices became and the more the world seemed to spin beneath my feet.

Why was this here?

Had the events of my past finally caught up with me? I cast my mind back to that incident in Bulgaria and the man falling down the hill shouting accusingly something with words that had too many Z's and D's.

How fitting his revenge would be to reach out from beyond the grave and place some manner of brass-arse-inspector on my table.

No doubt even now the cackling hordes of hell were watching to see what I would do.

Well, they would get no pleasure from me. I raised a hand to smite the brass-arse-inspector with all my might.

As I did so the voices in my head rose to a crescendo and the door to the living room burst open.

DADDY!!! LOOK AT MY TRUMPET!!!!

The Little Lady bounced forward and picked up what was once an arse inspector and was now revealed to be nothing more than a mundane musical instrument.

A trumpet? Are you sure it's not a French Horn?

I threw that in to cover my flusteration as I was sure I had seen a YouTube video that claimed French Horns had died out in the 1800s and everything on YouTube is true, isn't it?

No Daddy, of course, it's not a French Horn! Listen!

The Little Lady picked up the brass klanker and lifted it to her lips.

PRRRRAAAAAAAAAARRRRRPPPPP

The trumpet blared forth a gallon of sprayed spit among the odd farting noise that had just issued from it.

Isn't it cool? We are learning it at school.

She beamed at me happily.

I nodded and smiled pretending I wasn't heartbroken that she had elected to fart in a brass can instead of picking up and learning how to play one of the many electric guitars that were festooned around the house.

Hey Daddy-Bear, you see her Tumpet? Isn't it cool? Perhaps you guys can play together. Wouldn't that be awesome?

The Good Lady marched in grinning with delight at the idea of a family band.

I looked at their happy smiley faces and tried to hide the horror blossoming in my heart at the idea of playing along to a fucking trumpet.

Oh yes. That will be awesome.

life writing story vyb proofofbrain blog
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Bro, you remind me of the villain from the movie Wild Wild West with Will Smith lol. Trumpets kinda cool tho, little annoying huh, with the spit flying hehe.

!BEER

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I tell you ,they are annoying as fuck. She is having to practice and it has been awful. On the plus side I think she is getting better at a rate of knots! :OD

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This started off like a scary movie but towards the end it was just kids being kids 😂

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hahaha A trumpet, well I never saw that coming! Mrs T played one as a kid too. Enjoy playing along with her hahaha

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I dont even know how you could play along with a trumpet, lol!

It seems to be a big thing for some when they are young. I was moaning about it in work and the person I was moaning too played it when they were in School!

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Just examine? Don't you take out the things inside your belly button? 😄

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Well you take them out but surely it is rude to not put them back in where you found them? You dont know whos they might be! :OD

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Does anyone?

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Do you feel okay if there is inside something from your clothes or something else? 😄

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Lol...One never knows what might be in there huh? Best to give it a good old fashioned inspection and take the required action depending on the findings.

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Trumpets can be cool. They just tend to be loud.

My daughter got a violin at about 7 and I thought it would be terrible, but it was not that bad. She's still playing at 25, so it can lead to things. If you want to get in a band then you have a lot of competition as a guitarist, but other instruments may be in demand.

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They are very loud! I was half hoping that she would get a violin but there was a weird apritude thing they did and she seemed to come up trumps with a trumpet, sigh

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I don't know how they decide who plays what. I ended up with a bassoon at upper school, which is not that fun to play or lug around. I didn't keep it up.

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Good lord. I have vaguely heard of a Bassoon but I had assumed it was some sort of large mammal!

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LOL! It could be mistaken for some sort of weapon. It needed some assembly each time. These things are seriously expensive if you are going for professional level, but I assume the one the school gave me was more basic. I just made low frequency parps with it.

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My daughters trumpet is quite basic and looks well used. One of the buttons is missing its sort of pearl inlay. I am quite glad they at least gave her one though for the reasons you say. They cost a lot!

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Yesss.... Let there be ska!

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Ska!!! I never even thought of that! I fecking hate Ska but still! :OD

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You're as wrong about ska as my co-worker is about bread bags.

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I think your cool worker is so wrong that they are right!!

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I'm sure your neighbors will appreciate this trumpet choir, my friend. Try to do it late. I'm glad the trumpet survived just before you had your internal reckoning with yourself XD

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Hahaha, I am sure a late practice session would go down treat in the neighbourhood! :OD

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Trumpets, as well as flutes and violins should be forbidden in households, unless you want to scare the neighbors away.

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I think all of the above would scare anything away, even daylight! :OD

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My younger sister used to play the violin, for a year or two.

Whenever she practiced, in her room ( next to mine ), I asked whether a cat was being strangled.
She gave up playing the violin, after a while.

Truth be told: it really sounded terrible and I still can't stand the sound of cats being strangled or cats having sex/ fighting.

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I have heard cats shagging. It all seems to go well till the biut the man cat pulls out. I found out when I saw a Veterinary nurse lady for a while that cats penises have little barbs or something on them which causes the female to ovulate or some such nonsense upon withdrawal but also it was painful.

And that sums up cats and all their mad ways :OD

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I cast my mind back to that incident in Bulgaria and the man falling down the hill shouting accusingly something with words that had too many Z's and D's.

You’ve really got to write a novel. I could read stuff like that all day.

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Hehe, I do love writing bits like that. I should really try!

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Oh dear, I wonder if she will be relegated to practicing in the garage lol. I am trying (and failing) to picture a duet between the two of you. You will have to give it a go though, in order to encourage the Little Lady :)

In my early school years I chose to play the baritone, which is 'a popular band instrument dating from the 19th century and was derived from the cornet and flügelhorn' according to Brittanica. My pops made me practice in the garage as it was so loud and I was so poor at playing it lol. It didn't take me long to give it up as the thing was bigger than I was and was a pain to tote back and forth. Never took band again!

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I will defo give it a go. I have been uber-supportive despite my horror 🤣🤣

Haha, that sounds terrible. Why do they thrust these instruments upon kids!? She might not be relegated to the garage (yet) but I have tried to get her to play in her room. To no avail. sob

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lol oh well...what's important is that she retain her appreciation of music as well as her pop's mastery of the guitar. She may well follow in your footsteps in time!

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I have high hopes! I mean, at least it's music of a sort and she seems dead keen which was not the case when I tried teaching her a little guitar! It might be adm stepping stone!!!

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Hahaha
I love trumpets but the volume makes me sick

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Lol, that's what I am finding!! It's outrageously loud!!

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You will have a music band with you my dear gentleman making excellent musical arrangements with you on the guitar, your son on the trumpet and whoever your little daughter likes to sing, I assure you that the weekends will be different fun and in family union. Music is medicine for the soul... my good wishes in the creation of new talents.

Fortunately, in schools they help children to discover that they would like to learn in the arts.🎸🎷🎹

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Perhaps I could use them as a matching band to announce my presence wherever I go? That might work!!

They do get them into music young which is good. I am quite proud of her and her musical ambition even if it's not quite the instrument I would like!

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hopefully he will change his instrument, hopefully he will go for the saxophone if he likes wind instruments.

I love how it sounds one of my daughters studied it at the conservatory years ago while studying her dentistry degree.

Which instrument would you like? piano? battery

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I would like it if it was guitar. Piano would do as second choice!

Sax is quite a nice instrument but it is damn loud too. But I will take it as a third option! 😀

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You are doing the right thing when my daughter decided for him 🎷 I told her has whatever your sensitivity for music makes you feel and whatever you decide I will always support you.

I prefer guitar or piano. Veronica decided on the sax after learning and studying the clarinet 💪

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...and the trumpets blared, the heralds...umm...heralded, bright pennons snapped in the breeze and an expectant hush fell upon the plebs for 'tis time for The Boomy to arrive...and the masses did'st rejoice.

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Its like you are in my head seeing how it will all unfold :OD

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It's a glorious moments, and one the plebeians will na'er forget.

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Haha, indeed. One must put on a show for the peons!

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The poor fuckers...work and toil all day, the least we can do is brighten their drudgery a little by displaying your magnificence!

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It gives them the spirit to toil that little bit harder for their betters when in the workhouses!

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Absolutely, it's such a motivation...Sort of like the lash, but not as good.

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Oh yes, we must use both. The lash rules and the rest supports.

I should have been a workhouse owner :OD

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It's time to introduce the Little Lady to the music of Chicago and Blood Sweat and Tears. Let her know that there's still room in this world for a good Horn Section in Rock music.

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Now if she can start banging it out like that we might have a winner! Alright then I'm sold. She had better start practicing!!! 😀

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and if you had to choose between trumpet, trombone or sax for a beginner ... Trumpet all the way.

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Yes, I have heard that it is the best to start out on. I am kinda glad she doesn't have one of the ones with the many many buttons!

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And now you can take her to that one bush that you pee on (but never admit) and say ... You can flush your spit valve here.

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Haha, I might give that one a now although the thought will be there!! 🤣🤣

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Great track. We should all get brass instruments.

Hive band camp.

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If there is Band Camp, there will be flautists!!

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Time for some ear plugs !!!

😂

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I was thinking that. Or just plain old death to avoid the noise shebang 🤣🤣

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...with a plastic bag duct taped over one's head in case they don't work.

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...and oh the ways in which you are now fucked! Trust me, I played the trumpet (reasonably well) for a while but learning...Oh my lord. Looking back, I feel sorry for everyone who had to hear it. Kill yourself now Boomy.

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I think killing myself might be too easy. Its horrifying. Every five minutes she gives it a bash PPPAAARAPP. Like mad farting with the occasional bit where she gets it right and you think oh aye then the farting noise again... lol

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You're probably right, there must be a more fitting and dastardly end to you...Maybe little Boom a trombone and it's death by brass instruments!

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Double the brass double the death!!!

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They say it's not a bad way to go really, quite peaceful...and if you believe that you're fucken bonkers!

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I have passed into full bonkers because I BELIEVE!!!

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You and at least one other person here...or maybe bonkers was that person's natural state already?

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Just teach her some jazz or blues or something along those lines, it'll be great XD

Have trumpets replaced recorders as the annoying insttrument everyone is forced to learn?

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It seems to be the case. There are no recorders in sight. There were violins, trumpets and french horns and some other brass thing that everyone was scared of getting. The violin would have been cool but I imagine that could be just as ear screechy!

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Probably but I like to pretend that the volume might be a bit easier to control, and if worse comes to worse you could get an electric violin and make her wear headphones while practising XD

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An electric violin would be toperoo!! I might get get something like that at some point already as she was a little disappointed that she didn't get one!

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The reality of the object was far worse than your imagination 😂 I hope you stocked up on earplugs?

This post has been manually curated by the VYB curation project

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Lol, I think I am gonna need them. Its not just me either, everyone in the house is suffering now! lol

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Get her a new toy - FAST!

!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL !PIMP

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In this way, when a person lives with his family and continues to make art, the time passes very well. It also gives a lot of confidence due to which the coming life of a person passes easily.

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I'd love to take up a brass instrument. I can imagine myself under a bridge doing a smooth Baker Street but in reality I'd say it impossible to learn.

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You would probably end up mugging someone under a bridge with your brass instrument and trying to steal their sleeping bag :OD

I'm the same, Ithink it would be awesome but I dont think its possible now!

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LMFAO... my sister had a trumpet when we were kids.. let's just say she's not musically inclined.. always sounded like 2 walrus fucking.. not that I understood what fucking was.. but the noise.. noise.. noise..

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(Edited)

I don't know exactly what an arse is, but I'm sure if you were inspecting one coated in brass, you'd get your arm, pointy nose, and nether regions, all up in there real-good-like. In fact, you'd be the best damn arse Inspector in town!

You'd sneak up behind unsuspecting townfolk and DEMAND an instant inspecting of their completely unsuspecting and flummoxed arses right there on the spot. Sans glove...

In fact, that inspecting hand of yours would be a real "flavor-saver" by the end of the day, that a proper Boomster could enjoy at home as an all-day-sucker. Thems the perks that accrue to a competent arse Inspector of which you rightly are sir. So I'll give you your leave now. I know you've got more arses to taste err, inspect! :)

source

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Sometimes perks can seem like perks until they land in your lap and then your realise they are nothing of the sort.

I shall stay out of the inspecting game and leave it to those with the giblets for it! 🤣🤣

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(Edited)

Yesssss :-) You are blessed with excellent offspring. Elephants will descend upon your garden to deposit piles of sticky shit on your lawn which will (allegedly) keep lions, tigers and neighbours at bay, the only downside being they may eat your bamboo.

Trumpets are the greatest instrument on earth...just please tell me its definitely a trumpet and not a cornet as I'd hate to see her abducted, taken to Yorkshire and forced to play in a colliery band.

Happy days in the Boom household :-)

Be inspired Mini Boom...

PS Just thank the gods of fuck it wasn't a violin!

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Haha, that is quite inspiring!!! What a chick!

It is a trumpet. Most definitely, I thought a cornet was something that you ice cream came in 🤣🤣

Now I just have to wait for my elephant to arrive!

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In all seriousness, there's some incredibly talented folks out there performing on YT. I follow many. No idea whether they earn anything or even how digital downloads, views and listens work but I sure hope some of them do.

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I think you start earning something at over 1K subscribers. Although not much but once you get into the tens of thousands you are laughing. There are some cracking people on it. I can lose hours on the YouTubes!

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Hahah you actions and Thoughts really got me laughing my ass out. for a moment there i thought it was something spiritual.. guess its her trumpet anyways, i think you should teach her some moves on it if you aint familiar with any you can watch youtube videos, perhaps everything is true on youtube right?

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Everything is categorically true on YouTube. There is no denying it 🤣🤣

Perhaps it will end up being spiritual. Time will tell!!

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Lolzzz well most of YouTube are scams i presumed have been scammed there a couple of times, well not with the videos being updated but on the comments sections

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Oh yeah man, it's a hotbed of scams and dodgy links. The comment sections are really bad!

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Yahh you bet your ass it is. One just have to keep the eyes peeled over there

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They do sound like farts now don't they, we attempted similar playing a tune...

Hair in the belly button hope that got removed, don't let moss grow in there too, yuck sounds like my sons quip!

!BEER just in case you need it before forming family band.

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Brass amplifier farts!! I was surprised at first but it's becoming more tuneful. It in getting used to it.

And never fear, that fluff was cast aside 😀😀

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It's about the puckering formation of lips before you attempt...

"No comment" this side of the pond, never got it right, I only spin disks!

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Spinning discs is awesome. I have tried that now and then.

As for the puckering of the lips... not so much! 🤣🤣

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Mind into another track, away from farting Parp 😌

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Im a little jealous . I wanted to learn trumpet in school, however due to having braces, I had to settle for clarinet...and guitar. Thank Gawd for guitar coz that is what makes a man irresistible to the ladies lol.

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I am with you heart and soul on that dude!! Guitar wins hands down every time!

I am looking forward to speaking in a little trumpet practice myself tho!!

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This expressive language certainly paints a vivid picture. However, at times the prose felt a bit overwrought, distracting from the narrative rather than enhancing it.

Starting with the opening paragraph, the colorful descriptions like "chuff" and "belly button fluff" felt oddly specific yet meaningless. And the profanity, while attention-grabbing, lent a juvenile tone rather than reading as natural dialogue.

When the trumpet first appears, the extreme horror and confusion came across as histrionic. Jumping to visions of "hairy crevices" and accusing Bulgarians stretched credulity. The emotions seemed out of proportion to the situation.

The mocking speculation about the instrument being a "brass-arse-inspector" or "penis receptacle" also played as crass rather than comical. And the melodramatic visions of caverns and hellish creatures felt like try-hard edginess.

Finally, the ending resolved sweetly with the revelation that it's just the child's new trumpet. However, the father's thinly-veiled disappointment at her lack of interest in guitars rang sour. His perspective came across as curmudgeonly and close-minded, out of sync with the family's innocent joy.

Overall, the story contained interesting seeds of humor and intrigue, but the execution overwhelmed the subtler aspects. Reining in some of the more excessive asides could allow the central narrative to shine through. Sometimes less is more when crafting fiction - restraint and nuance often serve better than hyperbole.

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