Always Bet on the Black
Ladycakes, come and see! You have to come and see!!
I yelled in at the kitchen door excitedly as if an Ocelot had bounced up in my lap and told me it could be anything I wanted it to be.
What the hell is it? Why are you making such a racket?
The Good Lady thumped to the kitchen door and stood there with an accusing hand on her hip like an antique clay teapot that had been shaped by a madman.
The black shit! The black shit! It's back!!
I hopped from foot to foot just paces away from her waving a hand behind me at the garden.
The black shit? Oh bloody hell, is it that bloody weird fox again with the shiny eye?
The Good Lady harrumphed at the thought of Ole Bright Eye who kept laying dark eggs on our lawn and occasionally screamed and bubbled during the night like a hairdresser trying to operate an Android phone.
No, not Ole Bright Eye. The good black shit. Come on, you have to see!!
I tugged at her sleeve to get her to follow me but she resisted.
Oh, you mean Barnaby! Where is he? I love Barnaby.
The Good Lady smiled dreamily at the thought of our neighbour's big black cat who in all fairness was a handsome friendly big bastard beloved by all.
No, not fucking Barnaby. The black stuff! The good stuff, you know. The bamboo!
This time I succeeded in yanking her out of the house and I continued to tug her up the garden toward the back fence where our bad neighbours bordered with us.
It can't be back. It died, remember?
The Good Lady sounded a little fearful as if I was about to pull out a blood sausage, waggle it about and tell her the Deep Ones needed her soul.
It did die! It did, but it is back baby! Black is back!
I was fizzing with excitement and tugged at her to come faster which is something she is rarely willing to do and this time was no exception.
Are you sure it is back? I mean, it was totally dead. You cut it down. You have all the canes still in the garage?
As we neared the back fence she sounded more and more distrusting and well she might. It wouldn't have been the first time I had attempted to get her up the back bit.
Yep, cut the fucker down but you know what they say, black is the new black, baby!
I stopped near the back fence and pointed.
I don't see it?
She murmured softly as if fearful that Ole Bright Eye would pounce on her unawares and tell her she smelled of biscuits.
There! Behind the gold stuff.
I knew I was hitting her with far too many colours for one day but it was the only descriptive words I had. I teased the Golden Bamboo to the side which I had planted to replace the black bamboo which had flowered and died. A black event indeed.
Oh god, you are right. Wait, are there three of them?
The Good Lady poked a finger hesitantly out at the good black shit which was sprouting bounteously forth.
Yes, there are three new bamboos.
I shook my head in wonder.
Truly this is proof that Jesus was black.
I bowed my head slightly in reverence at this new Easter.
The Good Lady made a flubbering noise with her lips and started walking away.
Sometimes, you are a pure weirdo.
She snarked as she retreated back to the house.
I sighed happily.
She was right of course.
You are a pure weirdo (or maybe impure...) and we wouldn't have it any other way.
Heh heh, I confess!! :OD
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! :OD
Too many types of black shit going on. Good to hear it's recovered. We thought one of our clematis had died, but it came back. Then this year our gooseberries have withered, but we'll see what happens. Nature is wonderful.
Nature is full of surprises! I think it has done two things. The original plant has recovered and I think a couple of seeds out of the many thousands that must have fallen might have taken. happy days!
Hello, my dear Gentleman. By the way, if 3 bamboo bloom, it is a mystical number, and that by Feng Shui is magical when because it brings to your home flexibility, movement in growth, and abundant prosperity in the life and health of the family... Congratulations on this harvest of the neighbor's "now deceased black cat", in your beautiful and thriving garden. Buy a winning lottery ticket with that number.
Have the best day possible and may the black cats keep visiting you with their good energy and balance in the emotions of everyone in your home.🙌😎🍀
If it is good with the Feng Shui them it is all good with me!!!
Our garden is a magnet for cars and whoever knows what else do I will take that as a good sign.
Have a great day milady!!
Thank you so much, indeed, as always receive my best good vibes, respect, and affect, on your life.🌞🌺
I wish the best for both of us! :O)
🙏🌀🍀
Why did you cut the black shit down to begin with? Must be a good reason, because that was a great deal of excitement.
It was my pride and joy and also blocked my shit neighbours from view and then it died. Apparently Bamboos all die in swathes at the same time and mine was a goner. So glad to chop the focker down. But it's back!!
well, your gold ones should grow rather fast. Are you going to let the black grow back as well?
Yeah, I'm letting it all rip. That way I can happily snip out the weak canes without fretting so it's a magnificent specimen!
Oh that's excellent! Welcome back black. Ive never really seen super young bamboo like that. It looks like grass to me. How long does it take to become a thicker pole like what you expect in bamboo? Is it a year or two or more like 5-10?
PS. Hive is acting up on me so apologies if you end up with 5 of these same comments. I just keep hitting "Reply" and hoping one takes but I'm sure all will send in an hour 😂
The first couple of years are where it grows spindly thin canes which are indeed grass like. Once it is about three or four it starts putting out proper canes which can grow up to about 15 feet in one summer which is something that makes me deeply happy!
No worries on the Hive issues. I have been getting them myself. Pain in the chuff!
I see. Makes sense that it takes some time to get established. 15 feet is impressive.
Some of the tallest were more than that. I was stunned at how high it got. Although it was a pain in the chuff in winter when it caught all the snow and the canes all bowed down with the weight of it!
I see. Yeah that would be a pain. How bushy does it get? The Golden stuff seems close to the fence would it grow under the fence?
This black one is a bit bushy. The golden one less so but they bush enough to obscure a few feet of space maybe more.
And the certainly can creep under the fence. They spread through runners... Can you tell I don't like my neighbour much! 😀😀
Makes sense that it spreads through runners
😂 maybe the neighbor likes the bamboo as much as you do lol
haha, you can but hope. Although most of his garden is slabbed over. Its like the negative to my garden
https://twitter.com/lee19389/status/1689252709587968000
#hive #posh
JesusChrist is the only way, truth and life
That is correct and we have seen the evidence now!
I'm glad it came back :) How fast does it grow?
This post has been manually curated by the VYB curation project
It can put on three or four feet a summer. The new ones are almost four or five feet tall. Its gonna be a biggy hopefully! :OD
That's great :) Sounds like the golden ones will need moving?
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I aint moving nothing. They can all merge into one another and I will have a Doberman patch! :OD
Nice :) They don't choke each other out?
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They have a bit of distance. But if they do then only the BEST CAN WIN!
Actually it could stunt even the stronger ones, so it's worth keeping an eye on their health
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Hmm. You could be right. I will do!
The black looks amazing! But I notice it's directly in front of your wife's mother's day present...there may be trouble ahead!
Bamboo in Scotland. Who would have thought it. You're definitely channelling Percy Thrower and I'm definitely bringing you a coconut for Christmas :-)
Haha, that old thing is the remains of some gift basket or other. I threw it up there and it started to grow!
Aye, I have all the bamboo. My aim is to cultivate a forest! Then I can hide in it. Mostly from the weather :OD
Huh man, like I saw in the comments, I've never seen such a small bamboo before but it looks good. How are these different from other bamboos?
PS: Women sometimes don't understand the energy and happiness we have.
Its just a baby one. It will grow to be massive is the hope. The last one did!
It is a hard life we lead with all the excitement and enthusiasm! :O)
Such an interesting experience to listen to. I really ❤️ the way the bamboo grew.
And it is still growing. Hopefully with a lot to go! :O)
Deep down ... the roots are planning something. Those canes are simply on a reconnaissance mission. Wait until the full army appears!!!
It will be GLORIOUS!!!!!!
Once you go Black, you never go back!!!
That was the phrase I was looking for! It was on the tip of my tongue but wouldn't come out!
I am suspecting there might be rhizome nonsense going in underground and maybe it is all just the revenge of the original! That would be exciting!
Was it now??? 😂.
I take it you were dictating the post?
Haha, if I could dictate them I would. Can you imagine the news they would be!! I might try it 🤣🤣
Jesus is black?
Blasphemy.
Jesus is black in the box! Hell yeah. Happy new birthday black jesus! :OD
Oh my God
Never heard of this situation before. I'm glad it came back
I'd make more research about this
I am quite glad it came back too. It had better survive for a bit and not just be leading me on, lol
Rephrase perhaps more often than not, Good Lady sure has patience!
!BEER
She has the patience of a Saint! Thankfully for me! hehehehe! :OD
🤣 the lucky one....
Haha! Defo! :O)
Glad to know it came back to life.
So am I mate, so am I!
I "think" I remember when the die-off happened and you posted about it. I had thought before that bamboo had a reputation of taking over everything and being hard to stop once it got in the ground somewhere and I think you told me your weather might be the cause. Sounds like its roots didn't die with the tops. I'm glad it showed back up since you were originally sorry to see it leave.
It's kind of funny that you say you were so excited about it. :)
I was bereft when it karked it. Everything I read online said that that was the end and very rarely it could survive. I think some of it is the remains and some must have been one of the million seeds it dropped! Whatever though, I am over the moon!! :OD
How sad were you when it died, cause you seem extremely excited it back😁
Well I have to read more about this bamboos.
You always write so well.
I was gutted when it left this mortal plane. Now I'm stoked at its return!! Good days!!!
And thank you! 😀
You’re welcome ☺️☺️☺️
I was gonna say something about a madman handle and how it's when they come out with a handle like a scene from that movie, Ghost be wary but dude, seriously, wtf are they making in that gif?
A giants cock!
HAhaha, yeah, that bit of ghostly modelling is fecked up :OD
Those heathen women sometimes don’t know how important a little growth is! I’m glad you got it back, often when you cut something a little too short you’re shit out of luck
They just dont appreciate the good things! But aye, I am glad its back too. I thought I had seen the last of it. Hopefully it comes back with a vengeance!
I've put a lot of effort into my garden and it's a bit heartbreaking to see the plants still damaged but the way we see them in the pictures they are so much more beautiful.
It is great when yo usee things grow. I hate it when for whatever reason stuff dies off. The winter is too cold and kills things so you have to be picky over what to grow
It's grass right, you have to kill it harder if you don't want it to come back XD So now you're going to have both gold and black bamboo on the back fence?
What are you going to make with the stalks in the garage?
Gold and black! It will be awesome. It sounds like a recipe for an eighties action movie!
I dont know what to do with them but they are a lovely black colour in the main and long and sturdy so I thought it would be excellent to keep them and use them for something crafty or build at some point
Maybe tie them together like that decorative backdrop/fencing that people like to put up when they're going for a Balinese garden :D
I already have some of that! I believe that it is made of a dark willow or something but yes, something like that would be nice. In the rain it would add atmosphere :OD
Wooohoo! It's gorgeous! I am more than just a little jealous lol....I did obtain a blue bamboo this year and maybe next year will be time for the black. It has a good foothold now, so should be ready to rock, or maybe that should say metal. Anyhoo...you have been blessed by the black!
Oh that will be good. I have looked at those blue ones repeatedly and cursed the fact that they ain't hardy enough for here. I ould maybe get one and keep it in a pot right enough. hmmm, ideas ideas!
Yea, so many ideas - so many bamboos lol
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Man, you gotta love nature. Plants can look dead to the world and make miraculous comebacks. We've had a few lately.
Then there's the Aloe plants. Started with one, have tonnes now, the fuckers just multiply. Dunno how, but they do
Barnaby. We met a couple on holidays whose kid was called Barnaby and the other was Albie. Unusual names I thought, but a really nice family. Could do with another holiday I can tell ya!
Barnaby, lol. Its a ridiculous name. When I first heard it I thought my neighbours were taking the piss. Imagine calling your wee man it though. He will love that at school!
I had an Aloe once, I made short work of killing it. Iwas gutted!
Man ours has given birth to easily 100 Aloe plants which we've gifted to friends in little pots. It's quality for sunburn too, once ya cut off the spiky bits
I need to try again. I'm a bit better with the whole plants thing now!
Haha, look at us pair of middle aged baffoons talking about plants, oh how the mighty have fallen 🤣🤣
Lol. Where did it all go wrong!!! 🤣🤣🤣
https://twitter.com/LovingGirlHive/status/1690442330577494016
Well Ive heard once you go black you never go back... I dont know, its crazy. Congrats.
That and a million similar sayings were going through my mind!
I wish this baby bamboo will grow larger. Black one
Tsk.
Holy crap, dude...
everyone knows Jesus was black 🙄
You have a fox?! You lucky, lucky bastid!
Is it bad that I wake up to check your page for new post 😫😫
I honestly can’t wait at this point 😁
ITs coming! Lol, I dont think it is bad to check at all :O)
I am stuck here😁😁😁
You should never worry about Black. He will always come back. Rhizomes, baby. The best kind of lover. They never give up.
That and you will never get rid of them.
I am thinking now that perhaps I might never get rid of them and that actually makes be very very very happy!!! 😀😀
It should! Bamboo is the bomb!!
I completely agree. I hope now it is unfettered and the whole garden becomes a bamboo paradise!