A Distrustful Horse
Mr Boom?
An odd looking nurse had popped her head around a door and was looking around the waiting room like a bewildered owl.
Here.
I raised a hand and tried not to cry myself a river of self-pity.
Would you like to come through?
Owler beckoned me to follow. I sighed in response and heaved myself to my feet. The answer was no, I didn't really fancy coming through. I was quite happy sitting in the waiting room at the hospital not knowing anything.
I most definitely did not want to follow this Donald Duck of a lady and be told things that I did not want to hear.
Coming.
I muttered half-heartedly.
Such was my burgeoning depression at what was to come, I couldn't even muster the energy to amuse myself by comparing Owler's boobs to firmly stuffed bags of shit.
I followed Owler, who refreshingly kept her hands to herself as she led me to a small darkened room. She couldn't contain herself at the end and patted me on the elbow, and I managed to half raise one eyebrow sadly at her pathetic attempt at some grief-play.
Alright buddy, have a wee seat.
Some fucking skinny wee guy that looked like a photograph of a twelve year old was sitting with gloved hands next to a bed. He smiled knowingly as if he had nefarious plans involving arse-meat and man-girl squeals.
I decided there and then that he was getting side-kicked.
There was a click behind me and I whipped my head around. Fucking hell, Owler herself had followed me in and closed the door.
I assessed my chances. True, I was a shell of a man through worry and fear but I still had my fucking ninja chops. These two blue-tunic-wearing clowns weren't going to take me down without a fight.
I would have to take out Owler first before she got one of her giant nostrils onto my eyeballs and sooked them out like she was having some delicious bubble tea.
I flexed my right hand, more commonly known as the Hand of Justice.
Things were about to get tasty.
Have a wee lie down on the bed, buddy, would you?
Photo-Man smiled and patted the bed.
I let out a defeated breath and lay down as directed. Maybe I would kill the pair of them after my scan. Yeah, I could be magnanimous. They could enjoy a few more fleeting moments of life.
So, we have a wee lump on our belly? Where is it?
Photo-Man acted like a normal person and not an NPC in the video game of my life in an ingratiating attempt at forging a bond with me so I didn't kill him with a deadly elbow.
Yeah, it is here.
I tried to project my voice, but it came out as a wobbly whine.
For the first time in my life, a man squirted some goo on my stomach. Fortunately, it was not hot and stinky of the fish.
Let me have a look. Oh, there we have it. That's it alright.
He paused and a million possibilities flew before my eyes. My eyes moistened at the thought of leaving this good earth behind.
I thought of the poor ex-girlfriends who would wail and nash their teeth at the news of my passing; no doubt they would probably get together and dig a mass grave so that they could set themselves on fire and topple in, in the hope that they could accompany me on my celestial journey.
Right, that is you. Nothing to worry about. Just a little fatty lump. No concern whatsoever. Good news eh? You can enjoy the rest of your day!
Photo-Man gave me a big roll of tissue to wipe myself down with and smiled, sensing that perhaps he had done enough for me not to pull his spine out and unblock a toilet with it.
Really? It's all good?
I croaked and wiped at myself like an old man trying to stop a seagull from eating his chips.
Owler helped me up gratuitously by the elbow.
Yes, these things are nothing to worry about.
She walked me to the door and shoo'ed me outside.
Go on, escape!
She laughed.
And escape I did.
Apologies chaps. I have not posted in a while and it is largely because I was spending the last few weeks of my life fretting that the party was over. But it's not. I'm alive, baby! HURRAH! Time for me to get back on the horse.
Note: Not a real horse. I can't abide the slimy things with their distrustful tongues
Hooray for continued aliveness!! You're much too vibrant to be done in by just any ol' lump. I'm happy to see you're back!
Hehe, thanks lass! I cannot believe a bit of fat had me in such a dither! I knew I was right to be fattist :OD
I know you have to be feeling such relief. Was there much whooping and hollering after leaving the hospital? I have to think I would be shouting out the car window, with great gusto, at passing drivers lol
I was spectacularly cheery. I didn't want to go back to work. I wanted to go to the pub to celebrate. Alas, no.
Still, I am going to get some wine in tonight. When in Rome as they say!
Outstanding! Wine is a fitting end to that psychological sidetrip. It's kinda hard to concentrate on anything else when you are thinking your death is imminent.
It really is. You can't help but think I won't be here at everything. I feel wiped out from thinking about it!
After the wipe out (and a bit of wine) the energy and zest will return and you will be in top form. That's my official prognostication lol
You should be my doctor! I like your analysis better than theirs!! 😀😀
I have a stethoscope and a thermometer!
Yeah, where do I sign!! 🤣🤣
No bureaucratic red tape here😁
Nobody likes the red tape!
You will have to spin up a web page and start offering positive solutions to everyday woes ... hehe!
you mean sumpthin' like
You tell me your woes - I stroke your egoes
Hey that might work😂
Wahahahahah! Oh man, that's it. You have a talent for this malarkey!
😀😀
lol
The indomitable Boomy, nothing can hold him back.
I think you are both forces of nature lol...not to be held back in the least
Like twisters.
Or twisted?
hehe..both. Y'all just jacked up on life is all...it's a life force
I like it. The life force guys.
I need to get a van and have that stencilled on the side 😀
We can get merchandise too!
I can see the T-shirts on my head right now!
Yeah, and then...you know what I'm going to say...Theme Park!
Yeah!!! With big Titan statues!!
Wearing kilts!
Hehe, even better!
So, one of those fucken alien critters isn't going to burst forth from your stomach? I'm a little disappointed we won't get to see that post, but I suppose it's for the best.
Better to have a scan on your stomach and find a fatty lump than have a scan on your groin and find one. Just saying.
Yeah, I was spared the indignity of an alien critter busting out and showing me how to dance to my screams.
I hear ya, lumps just don't fill you with joy!
Welcome back, I,ve missed your stories. Glad it was good news!
I am quite glad myself, cheers dude!
I will give specific instructions to all of mine, to NOT do this, as tempted as they might be, of course.
I can only presume you will give them those specific instructions not to and then tilt a knowing wink at them. They will understand 😀😀
Of course- tis the way.
lol
😀😀
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The way you sized up Owler and Photo Man like a final boss fight had was funny. I'm glad you spared them, at least until after the scan
I like to think of all events in my life as boss fights 🤣🤣
Makes it all so much more bearable!
hahahaha boss fight 🤣🤣🤣
Glad it's nothing serious
You made me laugh the whole reading 🤣 expecially the right hand
The hand of justice!! Hehe, cheers
Good that he just squirted some goo 😄
Yes, and no taking advantages of! 🤣🤣
The older you get, the more shit like this winds you up. Anything lumps and bumps that we discover that don't ooze brightly coloured gloop out when squeezed with all our might have us wondering if our loved ones will be appearing on some advert on 'Dave', angry we didn't sign up for some dodgy pre-paid funeral plan sooner!
Well. Nothing else for it but back to work and carry on...
I signed up and never got my carriage clock!! 😀
It is weird as to how when yo get on a bit you start to get the doom feeling whenever something is up and you think, oh fuck, this is it!
Googling doesn't help. Its always the final thing on the list...
"Your symptoms could be due to a sprained finger, a minor infection, irritation from washing up....or it could be cancer"!! Arghhhhh
Greetings @meesterboom ,
What a relief it must be...to hear such good news. Very happy for you! ^__^
Kind Regards,
Bleujay
Yes..a celebration is in order. ^__^
Thank you lass! It was a very very welcome relief!
I am now planning my celebration in earnest 😀
Nice having you back onboard
!ALIVE
Cheers!
I had a similar experience recently that turned out to be nothing to worry about, but it can get you going. That scanner goo is like being slimed in Ghostbusters.
I probably couldn't do the medic job thing, but they have to calm some people down and may get some shit for their pains. Someone has to do it.
The guy was quite good actually. He was really down to earth and when he saw almost instantly that it was nothing he said straight away. I was awfy relieved. It is quite the feeling getting the A-Ok, isn't it!
It took a fair big bit of paper towel to wipe that good off. Now I know how Russian Prostitutes feel after a long shift. 😀😀
Definitely a relief to hear it's nothing nasty. Life is a lottery and I've been pretty lucky so far.
I expect that the ones who peed on Trump are still traumatised 😱🤡
I have been lucky myself. I think as you get older and some people are less lucky it makes you feel very fortunate. Hers to much health!
I think they might be less traumatised what with getting pensions and medals for service to their country 😀😀😀
I'm happy to hear it is not one of those alien lumps that likes to take over human bodies. Yes, that's right, I'm happy to hear that it is just a regular old people lump that is not dangerous at all!
🤣
Honestly, I do understand the "waiting delay".... waiting on medical answers like that somehow makes time stand still in ones psyche. It's an odd phenomenon, but very real how it can put everything else on hold.
Arrrghhh.... I'd hate to have to set myself on fire and jump in a hole!
Unless of course, you were one of my exes and in that case you would be like TAKE ME WITH YOOOOOOOOOOOU!!!!!!!
Yeah, hanging around to find things out just lets your brain work overtime and I have quiet a fertile imagination so was going bonkers with doom scenarios!
Okayyy
So I can read some jokes on Hive again😅
It’s good to have you back
Life without jokes is no life at all! 😀
Scary! I'm glad to hear all is well! I've wondered where you've been. Middle-age is a bugger. I started getting sun spots about five years ago and now have to go to a dermatologist annually. So far they've been of no concern. It's horrible the places your mind can go before you get these things checked out by a doctor!
It totally is. I even get the fear of going to the doctor as if the thing is Schrödinger's malady and until it is witnessed by a doctor it exists and doesn't exist and his observing is it might make it happen. Madness.
But all good, so happy days!
Happy days indeed!
Maybe we instinctively sense that...
I think we do!
If you're interested in quantum mechanics, you should check out the books by Robert J Sawyer (or the audiobooks). They're fictional, but he really does his homework. I especially recommend Quantum Night.
I will check them out as I think it is a very fascinating topic!!
I hope you'll enjoy them :)
Me too!!
Was it one of those.. cysts full of pus? Fucking awful stench of rotting cheese when they get popped if so. I have had the experience years ago, just before doctors lost all their skills and you could have yours popped at the local surgery.
Eewww, my sister in law had one of those on her arse cheek. She has to get it drained every day and packed lol. That would be hideous.
Nah, it's under the skin enough so that when I noticed it I was like wtf that's not always been there. A fatty lump of no concern apparently. So I'm happy!
That's a bit much!.. mine was in the middle my back and had been for decades. Then it started getting squidgy and stinking like old ladies who don't wash. Fucking horrible..., people in the room were keeling over when the doc cut it out... 😀
I have heard of the stench. It is not one I ever want to smell!!
At least it didn't come back and was gone when cut out!!
Speaking of yours, its probably some stiches right? The waiting around to have it done is the worst part.
No. They ain't doing nothing with it. I got a text to confirm today, fatty tissue - no concern. So I guess they just leave it!
Glad to hear that it was nothing to fret. Any Unknown health issue can be very stressful. Good that you got it checked out.
The party continues. Huzzah!
That's what the guy said when I said I had been worried, he was like best to get these things checked I was nodding and grinning like a dog on ecstacy 🤣🤣
Wow, something like that can really throw someone for a loop! I'm glad it's nothing!!! They really shouldn't delay tests like these, that should be labeled as torture.
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL
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It is a kind of torture! I am quite glad myself it is all ok!
So true, still doesn't give you back those weeks, the health system could be so much better!
It could but when it's free that too has it's advantages!
Free is great, as long as it's good quality
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL
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Did you hear them laughing as you were leaving. Grown men crying over nothing!
Glad you are okay, things can go fricking berserk in our heads.
Its the age thing, I am sure that in my twenties and thirties I wouldn't have got so het up!
Hehe yeah we didn't give a shit about anything when younger 🤣
Lumps, bumps, skin tags, tossing and turning adhoc locomotion into an active mind, all speeds up especially when decision is made to have it 'checked-up'.
Good to hear not a gremlin in any form or shape, have a great weekend!
!BEER
We dont approve of gremlins!
Cheers Joan, I hope you are doing ok :o)
Also tend to ignore or treat those pesky things myself,the Doctors scare the bejeebers out of me, results or cost you may ask; both!
Personally trying to stay on top of the world, even when it's upside down.
That's the most we can do isn't it. Try and stay on top of the spinning ball!
I try to do the same with these things and then one comes along that freaks you right out!
Have to be careful with sneaky unusual bumps/lumps, keep spinning always then hope for the best.
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STOPCheck out our last posts:
As I read I thought, "I hope it's not a prostate exam and she's the one doing it, haha." I also thought, "I hope it's nothing serious and it's a joke under the circumstances." Then I read about your ex-girlfriends, and that's when I calmed down, Thank goodness it's NOT serious hahaha.
A hug
You have know with my ex girlfriend's, I tend to go for the crazies!! 🤣🤣
Glad to read you're going to stick around Mate! And I can imagine that it must have been quite a stressful time for you.
Normally getting pointed out to a fat lump would not be a reason to be happy. But in this case: cheers!
To your health I drink! 🍀🍻
I agree. Normally it would be the opposite but on this occasion I am mighty glad!
Big Cheers to you mate, I hope you are well!
Thanks Mate, I'm doing fine. Spring time has arrived, that's always giving me a good spirit boost!
Have a great Sunday with your dear ones! 🍀
Well fuck is been so long since you posted I almost forgot how to navigate to Your Page. Luckily, I left myself a Post-It with directions taped to the underside of the toilet tank lid.. glad to hear you're okay..
Cheers man! Lucky my page is sticky that way :OD