RE: How to be a great leader?
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Yes you are right we have all been through this in life. Usually during our youth, at least for me.
I think it takes time to learn to master one's emotions. Emotional regulation is not taught in most schools and unfortunately even some parents don't have it for themselves so the child can't learn it.
I choose how to respond is maturity while I have to respond is reactivity.
I do not know how you feel about this but for me as time passes by I realize the value of conserving energy for projects and people worthy of my time. Energy is limited and who has so much in order to fight every battle?
It is a tough lesson for the ego: not every action or word of someone deserves a reply.
Lincoln is a master in diplomacy and I really want to study him more.
What helped you become less reactive when someone pushed your buttons?
Also in my youth, as nobody knew that I had a brain condition, and they wrote my habits off to naughtiness, that cost me many hidings.
School meant nothing to me, as most of the time I wasn't listening to the teachers, and my mind was forever outside at play instead of concentrating in class. So, it was a time of many more hidings. One thing that the hidings taught me was to master pain.
You are right in choosing to spend your energy for projects and people worthy of your time, as you will find that it gives a boost to your self-esteem, especially if you love what you do. Follow your heart as I do the same.
Ego means nothing to me, as I am just myself every day, take it or leave it. Cut me down, or lift me up, as it does not matter to me. Most of those that are nasty, only reflect their own insecurities. Such is life.
Now with regards to your question, as I started to age, a realization entered my mind that nobody cares, as self centredness reigns. We all build cages around us to protect us and only a few manage to break out of the cages in order to lead a better life. And it all starts with love. Love for self and all others. When someone pushes my buttons, I simply state my facts and then walk away, and I try my best to hold no grudges.
!PIZZA and !LUV
The ego is difficult to dissolve. Your thought is one worth meditating about. We like to think that we are so important but yes....as we age we realize nobody cared in the sense that the world is so busy that nobody will see that drop of ketchup on your shirt or the fact that you don't have the best car. Who cares? Nobody really. In youth some people work so damn hard to keep up with others and in the end ...for what?
The realization that nobody cares that much is something that can make us be more authentic and sing our own song.
Your story about school made me a bit sad because this is still happening to a lot of children. Schools are still in most areas stifling environments. Pain management is something that is hard to learn for a child on their own.Schools should not be a place of pain, regardless of one's abilities and upbringing and status. I believe that schools need to rely more on soft skills. This implies hiring teachers based on how empathetic , kind, nurturing they can be rather than how awesome their PhD is. I believe that you can always teach someone more information but teaching them to be kind is harder, especially once they enter the system with a flawed perspective about what children need and ought to do.
The topic of education is something that is close to my heart because children can't defend themselves emotionally from toxic environments because they lack the tools. The work that some of us have to do as adults in pain management and trauma solving while gaining new (leadership) skills is partly because schools have failed where they needed to excel.
Thank you for sharing your soulful insights with me !
Oh yes, the one thing that we have to understand is that we are all unique. As we go through life, at times, we are lucky to find like minded people whose thoughts are very similar to our own. Everyone strives for success, and they tramp on all others in their way, but that just leads to misery all around. The cousin of misery, called bitterness, evolves in many twisted souls. So best is to stay away from all of that, and simply to sing one's own song.
I agree with you, as schools should be the birthplace of knowledge and care, but in our case, this can never happen as the teachers are loaded with overfull classes. A single teacher with a class of 60+ pupils will stand no chance of meeting the needs of every single kid. And so it is a nightmare. The government enforces a high pass rate, which means that children that fail in a grade are simply pushed through to the next grade. So you can imagine the ripple effect of illiteracy. We have a ridiculous 30% pass rate, and this bodes badly for the children's futures.
We are also very concerned about the educational issues here, and it is indeed very toxic. So we all grow up not always knowing how to deal with any toxic place, such as in the workplace, homelife, neighbors, and the community out there. You are right, as we do indeed learn as we go, and so many burn their fingers. But, yeah, moaning will not correct anything, as long as the odds are loaded against us.
A pleasure to share and thank you also for your wisdom.
!PIZZA and !LUV
A class with 60 sounds like something tough to manage. In Romania the maximum would be 30 in highschool and 15 to 20 in kindergarten. Teacher to student ratio is something to be modified. Standardized testing is something that many nations fail to remove from the curriculum. I though that only Romania had this problem until I started to study other countries.
Isn't it odd that Lincoln barely had any high end studies yet he mastered oratory ? Lincoln had under one year of formal studies he was mostly self educated. I feel that we need to start a worldwide trend of helping children to acquire intrinsic motivation and LOVE for learning. This will be everlasting. Believe me that the topic of education is so dear to my heart that I could write you novels about how I would do things differently. I can only hope that somehow I will be able to...
Oh yeah, it is a nightmare for the teachers, and the government are struggling to keep up with the building of new schools, due to the influx of migrants and the growth of the province's population. We have the highest un-employment count in the world, and the migrants invade hoping to get some form of employment over here. They bring their families with them, and the children need to be registered in local schools.
Standardized testing puts all into one box, and it does not cater for the differences between the learners.
No, it's not odd, as many including myself are self taught. Reading is a great key to open the doors of the mind, and it has served me very well. A shock was that a test was done in the schools for the 4th grade learners, and the result was that they could not read for meaning. I challenged myself to study a degree, and now I am the owner of a BTh degree. So, if I could do it, then thousands of others can also do it. All that it takes is will power.
I really hope that you will do something with your passion for education, and maybe for a start, instead of writing novels, it might be better to write some e-books?
!PIZZA and !LUV
There will always be a country which looks like the ultimate American dream for someone who comes from far worse. This is the irony of life - that people often have this illusion that somewhere else is better while the people who actually live there aren't living that dream that the foreigners imagine.
Writing ebooks...now this sounds interesting. What topics would pique your interest ? I have to do some market research to see fit topics to write about as I rather be about impact and real life usefullness than just about releasing some thoughts on (virtual) paper
Well, you know the story about the grass being greener on the other side, but what the people forget is that they take themselves with them. So, if they are not happy here, then they will also not be happy wherever they go. Unless of course that they want inner change, but that very seldom happens.
Topics? You have the topics in your heart, and you need to put your passions on paper so that others can feel it. Definitely not self help topics, as most everyone is on that band wagon, but something unique that rests in your heart.
!PIZZA and !LUV
Although the question is not with me, I allow myself to answer @creativemary; because active awareness helps a lot. When you listen, then meditate and subsequently respond, with a cool head. Another technique I have applied, thank God in the past, is to count to 10.
Thank you for sharing! To be able to listen while the other says things that do not sit well with me....this requires true mastery of emotions and yes breathing is helpful.
Counting makes us use our prefrontal lobe and perhaps this is why it is also helpful because when we react we react from our reptilian brain, the fight or flight center, our pretty amygdala