How to be a great leader?
After my Bible this is the my second - to - go book when I feel that I need wisdom in my decisions. I know that there is one type of job that has been despised since the beginning of time: the politician. Although some men have tamed the profession and did egregious things in their exercise of power, some politicians have become like a beacon of wisdom and power long after their death. Abraham Lincoln is one of them. It is not rare to hear among powerful leaders nowadays that they often think: “What would Lincoln do in this situation?”
The book that I am writing about is a small collection of writings and speeches belonging to Lincoln. “Leadership lessons of Abraham Lincoln. Strategies, advice, and words of wisdom on leadership , responsibility and power” is a must read if you are eager to work on your personal development.
Why would you need the words of a politician? It’s not like you rule the world, maybe you have a menial job, maybe you are just strolling through life like a deer ambles through the forest. Let me tell you that I came to a marvelous conclusion: everything which is worth having in life comes down to honing great leadership skills. In a romantic relationship both man and woman have to know how to lead in their field and become a healthy foundation for their children. In a job , even if you are not the CEO, you have to know how to master yourself and your own emotions and perform well even in toxic environments until you build other options. In personal life you need discipline and perseverance if you want to lose those extra pounds or make more savings. Everything is leadership. The amplitude of its quality decides the outcomes that you will see.
Unlike other times, I did not take any written notes because I return so very often to this book. But for you and for me I have made the decision to share quotes which are vital if you strive to become a diplomat. You need diplomacy in your life otherwise you are prone to see yourself as a victim of circumstances , without any sense of agency, a victim of your emotions, patterns and uncontrolled reactions.
Leadership is about performing well under pressure and choosing your battles carrefully. Never quarrel! I used to have this habit of thinking that I need to prove my point and let me tell you….you can die trying this strategy with some folks! Think of this world as a place full of many jesters and few masters. Do you think that you have unlimited energy to fight all of the buffoons? Think again. Think like Lincoln:
“The advice of a father to his son- ‘Beware of entrance to a quarrel, but being in, bear it that the opposed may beware thee ‘ is good, and yet not best. Quarrel not at all. No man resolved to make the most of himself can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take all the consequences, including the vitiating of his temper, and the loss of self-control”( Lincoln’s letter to Capt. James M. Cutts, October 26, 1863)
This quote is powerful. You can’t trust someone who loses their temper easily to be in a leadership position. This pertains to both personal and professional life. Leaders can hold it together in emotional turmoil and picking your battles must be done with wisdom as it is “better to give your path to a dog, than be bitten by him in contesting for the right. Even killing the dog would not cure the bite “ ( Lincoln’s letter to Capt. James M. Cutts, October 26, 1863). Losing your temper leaves marks. In can be a mark in your reputation, in your ability to be trusted, in your ability to keep a relationship.
Another key element that a true leader needs is great decision making skills. Great decisions are made under inner emotional stability. Even if the world around you might be in chaos and you swim in enmity waters, you need to keep your composure. Do not take decisions in life when you are angry or too exuberant (especially in love), upset, under the impulse of the moment, be it a good or a bad one. Do not write that nasty text or e-mail. Do not call to spill out your venom. Do not scream and offend or file for that divorce or get married after one month. Think it through. Take space. Be proactive and not reactive: “Even though much provoked, let us do nothing through passion and ill temper” ( Address at Cooper Institute, February 27, 1860)
Finally, leadership is about self-education - “Upon the subject of education, not presuming to dictate any plan or system respecting it, I can only say that I view it as the most important subject in which we as people can be engaged in” ( Open letter to the people of Sangamo County; March 9, 1832) and determination – “you cannot fail, if you resolutely determine , that you will not (Letter to George C. Latham; July 22, 1860). If you decide that you will succeed, you will. The minute doubt enters your mind you have lost. Lincoln was determined to save the Union and to see success. He had an abiding faith in God. He had inflexible principles and a flexible attitude and he was always open to admit his own errors. A true leader has enough self confidence to apologize immediately as soon as he realizes that he is wrong.
I have made a long review of this book and I invite you to watch it. Until next time do not forget, just as Lincoln said, that “we cannot escape history”(Message to Congress; December 1, 1862)
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I have learned to do this a long time ago, and I don't think that there is anyone on the planet that did not have to endure an attack of some kind, or another. So, the best thing in my mind, is to simply walk away from it, in the remembrance of the golden rule. "Do unto others, as you will do unto yourself". Lincoln was a wise man.
Yes you are right we have all been through this in life. Usually during our youth, at least for me.
I think it takes time to learn to master one's emotions. Emotional regulation is not taught in most schools and unfortunately even some parents don't have it for themselves so the child can't learn it.
I choose how to respond is maturity while I have to respond is reactivity.
I do not know how you feel about this but for me as time passes by I realize the value of conserving energy for projects and people worthy of my time. Energy is limited and who has so much in order to fight every battle?
It is a tough lesson for the ego: not every action or word of someone deserves a reply.
Lincoln is a master in diplomacy and I really want to study him more.
What helped you become less reactive when someone pushed your buttons?
Also in my youth, as nobody knew that I had a brain condition, and they wrote my habits off to naughtiness, that cost me many hidings.
School meant nothing to me, as most of the time I wasn't listening to the teachers, and my mind was forever outside at play instead of concentrating in class. So, it was a time of many more hidings. One thing that the hidings taught me was to master pain.
You are right in choosing to spend your energy for projects and people worthy of your time, as you will find that it gives a boost to your self-esteem, especially if you love what you do. Follow your heart as I do the same.
Ego means nothing to me, as I am just myself every day, take it or leave it. Cut me down, or lift me up, as it does not matter to me. Most of those that are nasty, only reflect their own insecurities. Such is life.
Now with regards to your question, as I started to age, a realization entered my mind that nobody cares, as self centredness reigns. We all build cages around us to protect us and only a few manage to break out of the cages in order to lead a better life. And it all starts with love. Love for self and all others. When someone pushes my buttons, I simply state my facts and then walk away, and I try my best to hold no grudges.
!PIZZA and !LUV
The ego is difficult to dissolve. Your thought is one worth meditating about. We like to think that we are so important but yes....as we age we realize nobody cared in the sense that the world is so busy that nobody will see that drop of ketchup on your shirt or the fact that you don't have the best car. Who cares? Nobody really. In youth some people work so damn hard to keep up with others and in the end ...for what?
The realization that nobody cares that much is something that can make us be more authentic and sing our own song.
Your story about school made me a bit sad because this is still happening to a lot of children. Schools are still in most areas stifling environments. Pain management is something that is hard to learn for a child on their own.Schools should not be a place of pain, regardless of one's abilities and upbringing and status. I believe that schools need to rely more on soft skills. This implies hiring teachers based on how empathetic , kind, nurturing they can be rather than how awesome their PhD is. I believe that you can always teach someone more information but teaching them to be kind is harder, especially once they enter the system with a flawed perspective about what children need and ought to do.
The topic of education is something that is close to my heart because children can't defend themselves emotionally from toxic environments because they lack the tools. The work that some of us have to do as adults in pain management and trauma solving while gaining new (leadership) skills is partly because schools have failed where they needed to excel.
Thank you for sharing your soulful insights with me !
Oh yes, the one thing that we have to understand is that we are all unique. As we go through life, at times, we are lucky to find like minded people whose thoughts are very similar to our own. Everyone strives for success, and they tramp on all others in their way, but that just leads to misery all around. The cousin of misery, called bitterness, evolves in many twisted souls. So best is to stay away from all of that, and simply to sing one's own song.
I agree with you, as schools should be the birthplace of knowledge and care, but in our case, this can never happen as the teachers are loaded with overfull classes. A single teacher with a class of 60+ pupils will stand no chance of meeting the needs of every single kid. And so it is a nightmare. The government enforces a high pass rate, which means that children that fail in a grade are simply pushed through to the next grade. So you can imagine the ripple effect of illiteracy. We have a ridiculous 30% pass rate, and this bodes badly for the children's futures.
We are also very concerned about the educational issues here, and it is indeed very toxic. So we all grow up not always knowing how to deal with any toxic place, such as in the workplace, homelife, neighbors, and the community out there. You are right, as we do indeed learn as we go, and so many burn their fingers. But, yeah, moaning will not correct anything, as long as the odds are loaded against us.
A pleasure to share and thank you also for your wisdom.
!PIZZA and !LUV
A class with 60 sounds like something tough to manage. In Romania the maximum would be 30 in highschool and 15 to 20 in kindergarten. Teacher to student ratio is something to be modified. Standardized testing is something that many nations fail to remove from the curriculum. I though that only Romania had this problem until I started to study other countries.
Isn't it odd that Lincoln barely had any high end studies yet he mastered oratory ? Lincoln had under one year of formal studies he was mostly self educated. I feel that we need to start a worldwide trend of helping children to acquire intrinsic motivation and LOVE for learning. This will be everlasting. Believe me that the topic of education is so dear to my heart that I could write you novels about how I would do things differently. I can only hope that somehow I will be able to...
Oh yeah, it is a nightmare for the teachers, and the government are struggling to keep up with the building of new schools, due to the influx of migrants and the growth of the province's population. We have the highest un-employment count in the world, and the migrants invade hoping to get some form of employment over here. They bring their families with them, and the children need to be registered in local schools.
Standardized testing puts all into one box, and it does not cater for the differences between the learners.
No, it's not odd, as many including myself are self taught. Reading is a great key to open the doors of the mind, and it has served me very well. A shock was that a test was done in the schools for the 4th grade learners, and the result was that they could not read for meaning. I challenged myself to study a degree, and now I am the owner of a BTh degree. So, if I could do it, then thousands of others can also do it. All that it takes is will power.
I really hope that you will do something with your passion for education, and maybe for a start, instead of writing novels, it might be better to write some e-books?
!PIZZA and !LUV
There will always be a country which looks like the ultimate American dream for someone who comes from far worse. This is the irony of life - that people often have this illusion that somewhere else is better while the people who actually live there aren't living that dream that the foreigners imagine.
Writing ebooks...now this sounds interesting. What topics would pique your interest ? I have to do some market research to see fit topics to write about as I rather be about impact and real life usefullness than just about releasing some thoughts on (virtual) paper
Well, you know the story about the grass being greener on the other side, but what the people forget is that they take themselves with them. So, if they are not happy here, then they will also not be happy wherever they go. Unless of course that they want inner change, but that very seldom happens.
Topics? You have the topics in your heart, and you need to put your passions on paper so that others can feel it. Definitely not self help topics, as most everyone is on that band wagon, but something unique that rests in your heart.
!PIZZA and !LUV
Although the question is not with me, I allow myself to answer @creativemary; because active awareness helps a lot. When you listen, then meditate and subsequently respond, with a cool head. Another technique I have applied, thank God in the past, is to count to 10.
Thank you for sharing! To be able to listen while the other says things that do not sit well with me....this requires true mastery of emotions and yes breathing is helpful.
Counting makes us use our prefrontal lobe and perhaps this is why it is also helpful because when we react we react from our reptilian brain, the fight or flight center, our pretty amygdala
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Another great and thorough post from you! Well done!
Many interesting quotes and concepts here.
While reading this I couldn't help but think that the current american president is indeed of a much different temperament from the Lincoln that you describe here.. 😏
Anyway, there are some interesting lessons in here.
Not so much necessarily about being a leader or a politician but rather just about living wisely.
Thank you for the appreciation, it is welcomed as I put my soul into my book reviews.
All presidents are different but as we go back in history we can see significant differences and similarities. Is the end result - the situation of the nation- a good depiction of the quality of the leadership style? I would say yes. In the same time we have this ubiquitous dilemma: is the president truly bad or just a mere reflection of the masses? Is the failure of a nation solely into the hands of the powerful and the masses are exempt from responsibility? This is a topic which would be great to debate as it is so complex.
Living wisely is politics if we think about it....managing to conquer self on all levels of human life.