Nights at Hospital
As if life is going to give me a fucking break, it doesn’t.
I haven’t even processed my grieving but even more unfortunate news came. Today was already the 7th day of my dad’s funeral and memorial days. I thought it would end right there. But apparently my adoptive dad was hospitalized for terminal illness this morning. The burden is once again on me as he doesn’t have anyone other than me and my adoptive mom.
My fight and flight response has been fucked too. All I know is killing myself would be the answer to this. But I’ve been trying to get better, maybe that’s not the right fight and flight response. I sat down, got away from the chatter of family and eventually found myself sitting on a cold hospital floor, realizing that I might have done a wrong fight and flight response. Something has clouded my thinking.
Although I feel this year I am running out of luck and just in perpetual suffering. I realized that life and the world moves on. I have to solve everything on my own and it’s probably best that way. Maybe this is the timeline where it molds me as a rock.
I know that fighting a sudden terminal illness isn’t going to be an easy battle. I know for sure from my biological dad. It was already draining my funds from a 3 years long battle. Now this, I don’t know how long this side quest of suffering will take me. All I know is that even during suffering, there is happiness too, short-lived happiness.
That’s what kept me going but sometimes when it hits you all at once, it clouds your thinking. It tries to break your spirit. Just as soon I got some sleep, rested and sat alone, I realized what to do next. I realized that there are a billion possibilities I could solve the problem ahead of me.
Maybe sometimes that’s all we need, just a good sleep after exhausting days. Once you wake up, you feel refreshed and challenges don’t seem that scary anymore. All the unfairness, injustice, and even suffering in the world feels a lot less meaningless to me. While maybe I am affected by it, I have ways to correct my response to it rather than soaking all the negativity and succumbing to it.
I definitely need a lot of positive encouragement to go through this. I hope I can figure things out one by one soon. And this is the last of me to rant about all the harsh things life can do to a person.
 | 𝘔𝘢𝘤 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘺𝘦𝘥 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘢 & 𝘤𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳 . 𝘈 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦, 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩𝘯𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘰𝘱𝘩𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘨, 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘧𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦. 𝘚𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴, 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴, 𝘵𝘦𝘤𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘦𝘸𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴, 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘺, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘰𝘱𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘣𝘭𝘶𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘰𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘧𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘪𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴. 𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘪𝘯 |
Oh dear! This is indeed a lot happening all at the same time. You will be fine and I hope your dad gets better ❤️
Yep, it sucks but it is what it is. At this point, I've given up. Maybe there'll be a better day or maybe not. Thank you for your encouragement.
Just don't even think about it. No, no and no. Life can be a hella brutal at times, but smooth seas don't make good sailors. The sharpest swords only exist after a good forge. And lastly, diamonds only exist under pressure.
Hang in there my friend. You've got my positive thoughts to help in this battle. And I hope your life improves, or I'll run out of motivational phrases xDD
hahaha I hope so but again, I understand very well that after stormy days, we get happiness and short-lived one. I'd definitely be more in tune when I am on those days. Thank you :)
Or you live long enough to become a grumpy old man like me
Semangat Cem!!!!! Semangat Selalu ! !
Meskipun aku tahu itu pasti sangat berat, aku yakin koq kamu pasti bisa melaluinya.
Semoga beliau bisa sembuh dengan cepat Cem. 🙏🙏🙏
Stay strong cem.
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Makasih Eka, moga cepet2 ketemu kamu juga. Kalau jadi ak ada jadwal nge tour guide in temenku ke bali bulan mei. semoga kamu free pas itu. Makasih ya 😊
Siap, semoga nanti bisa ketemu dan ngobrol sama kamu. : )
tinggal WA saja nanti ya. ,
semangat selalu ya Cem.
Amigo,olvide eso de suicidio no no no,esa no es la solución,tenga fe pida a su Dios que le ayude que él todo lo puede no desespere de que uno se siente a veces acorralado pero hay que buscar solución ,ponga mente positiva y también yo.le apoyo positivamente que todo pasa amigo déjese de pensar en eso tan fuera de todo,saludos y feliz noche
Gracias. A veces la vida es así de difícil. A veces pone a prueba tu paciencia hasta la médula.
Si amigo pero no debemos perder la calma ,me ha pasado varias veces situaciones así pero no debemos ofrecer la vida ,no somos quien para eso,el demonio no debe apoderarse de uno,así no se resuelve el problema porque quién va a resolver luego,? Tenga calma y paciencia que Dios no nos ahoga,son pruebas para que veamos después lo infinito que es su amor,muy has bendiciones ,paz y paciencia confíe en Dios🙏🙏bien día ❤️💚🎄
This is sad and terrible news. Especially difficult after so many days of grieving and mourning. Family and friends are particularly important in these difficult times. I hope your skies clear up ahead. One of our heroes, Winston Churchill, had a very matter-of-fact advise to confront difficult times: when you're going through hell, keep going.
I hope so,at least I am now a bit more prepared for this. While it's not easy at all, I just think that maybe life has its own plans. All I can do is just do the best I can.
Awww, Mac! Sending virtual hugs. :( This battle is so hard, and admitting that is okay! It is okay to be sad, mad, and tired. I do hope you'll find a support system to hold your hand in this journey. Cry and then rise up again. You got this, girl!
🙏 thank you, and yes I have pretty strong support system. Sometimes I didn't realize it and took it for granted. But during this very tough times, I know who got my back and helped me. I've had enough crying and now it's time to get back up. 😊
Surely a testing time for you. Stay strong and things will eventually get better.
Also it's ok to rant here more. There are plenty of us here that will listen and try to encourage you. Continue to release that energy as it's much better than holding onto it. Wishing for better days ahead for you and everyone involved.
Thank you so much. It can be exhausting at times but maybe I shouldn't lose hope that there will be better days ahead of me. At this moment, I am definitely pretty exhausted. Thank you for your encouragement,it really means a lot to me.
Whatever goes up will surely come down and there is always a calm peace after a whirlwind. Stay strong dear. Don't not even think of killing yourself, there is more goodness for you in this life. You'll definitely look back to this time and see how far you have come. You are not done yet. My prayers goes out to you and your family. Much love and positive energy from me🤗.
Thank you Esther, I really can't thank everyone enough. It's been really challenging but I am trying to keep my head above the water. Some days can be tough but it is always nice to hear such encouragement. See you around!
Sorry for your loss. I really hope you are strong and can move forward with the challenges you are facing atm. Wishing your family all the best!
Thank you @acesontop it's been tough days but I am holding on, at least for now.
Ah that’s not good mac! My wife has a saying that bad things come in 3’s, hopefully the situation here is the 3rd and final so you can get on and work on repairing and getting better.
It’s definitely tough to have these things happen and sometimes they cluster together so it makes it quite challenging. The important thing when we are under considerable stress is certainly to try and sleep a bit more to help our bodies deal with the constant barrage of issues and challenges.
The other thing to try and do is to make some small lists and going from there. If you make a list of things by priority and complexity and try to take care of two or three less complex things a day and one highly complex one, or at least chip away at the big one, you can feel less overwhelmed and more grounded. You’ll have the ability to visualize what you need to do and it helps focus our mind!
I’m here to help how I can my friend! Let me know if you’ve got questions or things to chat through!
Thank you so much @cmplxty, I really hope this is the last. It's really been tough but thankfully today I got to breathe a little. I remember something like when it rains it pours, this time it really does. When I was surrounded by family, it was difficult to think straight but now I can and has been something interesting. At least, I can list things out and prepare for the worst to come. I'll ping you whenever needed, thank you so much for offering. See you around 😊
This time is very difficult. We also remember that we also went to the hospital on two days and came back on the 19th, so this time was very difficult. We saw many difficulties and many memories. Also, whenever people close their eyes, all those things appear in front of their eyes.