Time and Again

If there was an era in my life where I experienced so many of the things that made me who I am now, it is adolescence. The era where I transcended from being a kid but not yet an adult. The raging hormones, the constant craving for attention, the need to be picked by people, I found myself bounded by all these.

I surrounded myself with so many people, calling them friends. People that found themselves around me only as a result of circumstances. I would do things that were against my principles just so I was perceived as cool by said people. I had this mentality of ‘How else could life be interesting if drama wasn’t involved?’. You would find me escalating situations that could have been handled quietly. I did things because I wanted to always have stories to tell when I talked to people. Negative stories to be very honest because I thought that would endear me to them more.

There were times I posted loads of rubbish on social media because I enjoyed the attention I was getting. I would post literally everything, seeking validation from my audience. I always looked forward to them sliding into my dms from my posts, and the chat that goes on after that. I tolerated a whole lot on Facebook back then, because I heard my classmates were having fun with friends they’d made on the app.

I would invite myself into drama because of the people I kept as friends and would tell myself that the drama was worth it since I it always taught me how to handle such situations in future. As much as it was fun to think then, I now realize I was indirectly aiming for a more complicated life as I grew older.

Looking back to when I splurged on unnecessary items just because I had the access to funds. I’m a huge fan of sausage rolls, known as - Gala here in Nigeria. I could buy any quantity I wanted just because I set my eyes on it. I was short on money didn’t hinder my thirst for that snack back then. But now, it’s a different story. I treat myself to sausage rolls, when necessary. If I find myself on my way to work, after leaving the house without breakfast, that’ll be my go-to snack. However, I’ve finally cut short impulsive spendings when it comes to things I don’t need. Life to me then, was simply lived by ‘You Only Live Once’. I used that to justify waste and indiscipline.

Sometimes, I miss the times where the minimum number of people I texted at a particular time was 5. Now it’s basically one or two persons who are important to me. Does it feel boring at times? Yeah but It’s peaceful. More meaningful even. My smiles come easily these days because it’s genuine. I no longer have to fake it because I surrounded myself with people whose jokes don’t go down well with me.

My way of living back then, might have been interesting, but it took more from me than it gave back. Although I miss a part of the life back then, if I were given a chance to go back in time, I’d still choose this. I’d choose this intentionality rather than following the crowd. I’d choose my peace over the hustle and bustle of pleasing people.

This week’s #KISS prompt is one that requires us to ponder on aspects of our life before embracing minimalism. My non-minimalist self experienced had so many field days, lived in drama, chaos and fun but most of all, she lacked peace.

Thanks for reading.

Images are mine.

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