Identifying triggers that destabilize my emotions is key to maintaining balance and well-being.

My physical appearance is the top of the iceberg; the larger portion remains hidden, like incognito, bearing a mirage of what actually is and is not. Nonetheless, the larger part of me that is beyond the physical gives an appreciable summary to the outside world. Perhaps I would say that I used to be a reflection of my emotions.

My first emotional breakdown was in July 2016, when I had my second heartbreak from a lady I loved and gave my all to. Of course, the previous relationship was similar, but not enough to destabilize me as much as the index. Palpitations? Well, yes, perhaps angina, as I could barely lift myself from the ground to the bed. Moving on was difficult for me. I kept looking at her statuses, hoping for a message from her or perhaps for me to wake up if it was a dream. It took me two years to heal and have another relationship, and the latter did not last beyond a year. The end result was a negative effect on my health, and in 2019, I understood what the feeling was for people to be depressed. You would consider me unlucky, but those who know me know that I am the jovial type. I remember a colleague friend of mine calling my attention to how 'different' I have become. I was the life of the moment, always spicing the moment with funny talks. Gradually, I withdrew and became a shadow of myself. The ultimate description of my situation was a lack of peace of mind, which readily translated to disinterest in people and activities around me.

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I envy those who were able to survive multiple emotional traumas, but for me, such traumas ate deep into my marrow. A little improvement came after my health got compromised, not only as a result of relationships but also from problems brought to me by friends and relatives. I used to think of myself as a superhero, the solution to people's plights, until the burden weighed me down significantly. True to the thought that identifying a problem is a major step to getting a solution, once my emotions are unstable, it gets easily noticeable in what I put my hands and heart to. I remember on several occasions driving badly because my emotions were tampered with. Sometimes, I forget things I need to do when I'm traumatized emotionally. These pointers are my red flags to seek an urgent solution. Realizing my weakness of poor absorption of emotional traumas, evidenced by an unbalanced mood, I have opted for distractions and ignorance.

My major distractions are watching movies and conditioning my mind to the movie. My preference for movies is for the funny ones or memes that spark my emotions. A good sleep is usually desirable afterwards, as sleep is known to help reset the brain and emotions. Evening strolls do help, as they help to clear my mind a little. And yes, when people bring up their problems, identifying if such a situation warrants a disturbance of my peace is crucial. Once I'm able to filter out what is a threat to my peace of mind, I play the 'ignore mode' which may seem like pride to those bearing the problems, but for me, an escape. I remember sometimes in October last year when I was terribly sick and an acquaintance approached me for medical consultation online. As much as I tried to explain to her that I was indisposed and she should visit the hospital, my emotions got traumatized when she told me to regard her as a patient who deserved preference. I was hurt and broke down the degree of my health compromise with her. Eventually, she apologized and even checked on me. I have realized that communicating with people who come up with problems afterwards is crucial for me to maintain the good relationship that existed.

I'm a bit better now, health-wise and emotionally, but identifying triggers that threaten my peace of mind is a coping strategy I have put in place.

Thank you for reading. I would love to have your comments and contributions.