Relationship Talk: Privacy Versus Transparency
I was in a relationship a few years ago with a girl who believed transparency was the key to sustain a relationship. There was nothing wrong with it at first until she started spilling secrets about what she has done and done and the truth scared me. She was so free to discuss everything that at one point all I saw were red flags and a lady who talks too much. I'm not saying transparency isn't good, but everything has a limit especially when it has to do with a past no one wants to associate with. I tried to cope but each day I get new stories or events that happened on that date adding up to what I had pictured her to be.
Someone once said, "Sometimes it's the secret that keeps things going" and I agree with it to some extent. There are certain things I tell my woman, mostly 80% of everything, but there are 20% of things I prefer not to say, and it's that 20% which is hidden that keeps things going. They're things she may never find out. It may lose her trust for me even though they're in the past. We are humans, we tend to judge people sometimes by their past, not because we don't trust them, but because we define people based on what they've once done.
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I don't support 100% transparency, nor do I agree with Privacy. I think a balance is better. I've heard of couples who had a divorce while trying to be transparent. Sometimes we may not be able to handle the truth we demand. There are certain things that demand transparency, like where we are going, where we are, what we did, our plans, how we feel, who we hang out with, but there are also certain things that require privacy, like our past, certain dealings with the opposite sex(not unfaithfulness), and every financial records.
However, it all depends on our partner's ability to handle the truth, whether she misinterprets actions or not and whether they have a large heart to forgive and forget certain things. If they are able to handle the truth and not misjudge, then it's good to be transparent, it would only help her/him get to know you better(things you can do and not do and the reasons why you do them) but if it's the other way, one should keep private what is meant to be private, because sometimes it's the secret that keeps the love going.
You're right, it depends on how our partner handles the truth. If the person can bear it fine and if not still fine.
Right, the partners ability determines whether there'll be transparency or a small inch of privacy
Yea, it does.
I admire your style...you know. And somehow I agree with your opinion but that's only at 20%.
I'm at the strong defense of transparency especially in romantic realationships, sensitive matters are tend to be discussed for future dealings. And that's why I would always say.. “The past” too is important.
With your past girl, I don't know how she came at you, or the turn off you pin pointed, however I must say.. she was a turn off and you never loved her to a point of accepting her for her.
Here’s the thing,, in my opinion.. A secret is a secret because it shouldn’t be told to anyone.
And I must bring out a (shameful) past talk about myself.. something must have resulted to it.
That’s to say,, I wouldn’t just start talking out of the blues in unrelated matters to my secret. However, if it calls for it.. being completely honest is a total build up all together.
And in most cases, the initimacy between couples is what makes the difference in this case, because at last, not everyone gets that click.
My personality isn’t one to bottle up things about myself, and that’s why.. When it’s about romantic relationship.. I wouldn’t even bid an eye to a partner who I don’t find that click with.. because at the end,, if you don’t hear a deep truth from me then be sure that I don’t love you at all and that’s how it works for me.
Thanks for this awesome feedback. You've straightened a lot on the matter and I believe you are sure to say certain things only when you believe it's safe.
This particular girl from my story is totally different. She carried the advise of openness too serious. She can talk for 1 hour without a full stop and her number of relationships can tell the problem. Sometimes I wish I can tell her her talking is a turn off for guys but I don't know how she'll take it. More than the secrets, the talking was what made it all bad
Lol..okay
I get It now. In all everyone knows what works best for them. Hopefully she finds someone patience enough to make her realize that.