Red Flags in Relationship

3 days ago

"Love is blind", they say. Perhaps marriage or "breakfast" will give it sight then.

The above statement is a common one. It indicates how much one is into "love" or a relationship that the obvious become oblivious to them. Everyone could be seeing a certain wrong, but certainly not them. Right to say, they are "blinded" by love for the person that these arising concerns are not a concern to them because they are not concerned. Okay, I think I've played with words there, ha-ha. The point is, these tendencies that arise and which should be checked are not. But why?

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Red flags in relationships are nothing short than signs, tendencies, excesses that are displayed by a partner in the relationship, which suggests incompatibility or issues that may hamper the relationship and ultimately the other partner. They are indicators of the toxicity of the other person which should be looked out for, due to their tendencies to cause a negative effect on their partner through the relationship or marriage in the long run.

Why should this be looked out for then? This is because of how harmful it can be; or rather is to the other person. There's this tendency that these red flags can cause; emotional damage—affecting the psychological state of the partner, lifelong pains, the feeling of low self-esteem, hamper one's growth and development, and ultimately; in the most painful case, loss of life. With such effects, it's important to look out for these red flags in a relationship. So, what are some?

Emotional bullying. This is the sneakiest I'll say; a green snake in green grass. Many possess a low level of Emotional Intelligence (EI) so even when they get emotionally manipulated or bullied, they don't realise it. This is because it's something that happens in the brain and systems. It will be good to note it; this through words uttered in some way, some form of cajoling, and a host of others. It's a mind game I'll say; that needs to be identified and addressed.

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Physical bullying. This happens in the physical so it's something to be easily seen and action taken against. However, many have landed in marriages where they are constantly battered and bullied because they believed the person will change. Some funny and yet painful excuses you would hear. The destructive nature of this has led to the death of some persons. Worthy of mention is that it can be both ways—from both genders, though we see one more prevalent.

Disrespect. It's a relationship not a workplace or something. In whatever case respect is still needed. No one deserves to be disrespected, no matter their gender. The constant "shutting up" of the partner is a sign that there's a disrespect issue. Both parties should have a say in the relationship.

Lack of proper dialogue. When the possibility to hold a matured, proper dialogue is never a possibility, then there's an issue. If it happens that every time there's a chance to discuss or iron things out and the person always ends up in quarrel, I think one should know better what to do.

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Lack of communication. Communication is paramount for any form of relationship one can imagine. When there's little or no consideration for it from a partner, the relationship is certainly bound for issues. With no room for communication, there's no room for growth and understanding and grooming of the relationship. It's not even a relationship without communication. When one finds communication difficult, it's an indication they are only in a relationship with themself; because they have themself only to communicate their feelings. Communication is key.

Lastly, boundaries. It's very important to understand a partner's boundaries and keep to them. This may include them not wanting or accommodating of something. When such is understood and there's no effort to respect it from the partner, it should be seen as the issue it is.

Many of such red flags are there; many clearly revealing themselves while others hiding in the shadows. Whatever the case, they need to be identified and addressed. Love should not be a burden, and the relationship should not be a pain. A relationship teacher said something and I paraphrase, "marriage is only the imploding ground for some of the issues present during the relationship."

Last image is mine