Echoes of Before

“Mom, let's go there," Jake pointed to another section of the mall.
Jersey was more busy looking for the shoe that would fit her new purse best.

Jake turned to his sister and tugged at her dress. “Clara, I saw Spider-Man pass right there. We need to go now before he leaves."

"Jake, why do you have to be such an annoying, cute baby?” Clara tried getting away while chatting on her phone.

"Hmmm, I am not a baby anymore,” Jake folded his arms with an angry pout.

"Oh really? Then why'd you cry in church when your juice is finished?”

Jake gasped as he squinted at Clara like a cartoon villain character, "You promised to keep it a secret.”

"Hey buddy, you know what?" Clara ruffled his curly hair, "Just before we leave, we are going to ambush Mum with cute, sad puppy eyes till she gets you a new Spider-Man toy."

"Yay!” Jake jumped in excitement.

“Shhh, you might tip her off," Clara acted like one of Jake's comic ninjas.

“Oh yes, shhh," Jake whispered

Behind them, Jersey chuckled softly, “That trick won't work anymore,”

Clara chuckled, "Tell that to the flash toy from last week.”

They all laughed together.

"Hey darling, help me go over there and select a nice shoe, you know you are better at this than I.”

"Ugh, you just don't want to walk," Clara groaned.

Jersey gave a tired smile, “Yeah, that too."

In the time before, these small moments were everything. Laughter, teasing, playful bribes, and pure love. None of them knew the days after that day were never going to be the same.

They were a happy family of three. They didn’t talk about their dad. They didn’t need to.

Clara came back with a pair of sandals. “I think this one's perfect, it's popular on TikTok."

Jersey was on the phone, and Clara noticed Jake was gone. “Where'd he go?"

“Probably in the toy section, help me go get him," Jersey said.

"Every time,” Clara groaned as she dragged her feet to go get Jake.

Clara got to the toy section, and still no sign of Jake.

“Jake!" Clara started echoing his name through the mall, her voice increasing with her worry.

“Mom I can't find Jake,” Clara told her mom, who was also looking for him.

They went to the reception, and the receptionist helped them announce to the mall, but still no signs of Jake.

In no time, the whole thing escalated, and there were search teams with sirens everywhere.

Clara cried in Jersey's arms, while Jersey tried staying strong with tears rolling down her cheeks as she talked to the police man.

The search went on for days, weeks, months…but still nothing.

Jake was gone without a trace.

Every day, Jersey would go to the mall with faith that Jake would somehow return. While Clara wept alone.

It had been two years, and Clara finally accepted that Jake was never coming back.
But as for Jersey, she was so hard on herself that she didn't just give up on her hope of Jake returning, but also became like a ghost in a shell.

She hardly spoke to Clara, and she didn't smile or laugh. Her eyes looked lifeless, like a robot that just wakes up, eats, goes to work and sleeps. She hardly ate.

Clara tried her best to restore Jersey with jokes and laughs, but nothing was able to lighten her up; she remained cold, dark and desolate.

When Clara saw that Jersey didn't seem to care for anything, she started going rogue. First, she started missing classes, then came the bad friends with bad influences.
But still Jersey didn't care; it was like she was zoned out. Her body was there, but her soul was far away.

Clara started dating this boy at school, just as a distraction away from everything—the sadness, the loneliness, the anger.
But she never expected the results of her choice would lead to something drastic.

At first, she was unaware; she noticed her period was late but she wasn't worried because it happens sometimes.

But when two weeks passed, she knew it wasn't just a regular late period; it could be something much worse.
She gave it an extra week, and with every passing day, she prayed with horror hoping it wasn't what she suspected it to be.

The last day of hope passed, and she had just one option left—a pregnancy test. That morning, she was supposed to go to school, but she went straight to the store and bought a pregnancy strip and went back home.

Clara stormed into the house, straight into her room, and panicked.
Jersey was seated in the parlor. She didn't bother to ask why Clara wasn't in school or why she was panicked; she just stared into space as usual.

Clara was done with the test; she closed her eyes tightly and whispered prayers before revealing the strip to herself.

She was pregnant.

“No, no no…” Clara held her head as she slid down the door and cried.

What was she going to do?
Should she tell her mom?
Maybe the devastating news would snap her out of her seemingly endless trans, maybe she would snap.
Or what if it just makes it all worse?

Clara's mind and heart raced. She thought for a long time before coming to a decision. She had been alone for so long because her mom was still grieving, but this time she wasn't going to give her mom a choice.

She picked herself up and went to the parlor, and dropped the strip on the table in front of her mom.

“I am pregnant," she said.

Her mom looked at the strip but froze and couldn't say a word.

“You know I lost him, too, right? I don't know why you are punishing me. But I just want to let you know it hurts, it hurts so bad that after I lost Jake, I lost you too, even though you are right here,” Clara poured out her emotions as she sobbed uncontrollably.

“You are still not going to say anything?" Clara cleaned her eyes.

She turned around to leave when arms drew her back. Her mom drew her into her arms and hugged her.

“I am so sorry," Jersey broke down in tears.
"I have been so selfish, I thought if I locked everything, I would be better. But instead, I was losing another child.”

“I just want you back, I can't lose you too," Clara cried in her mother's arms.

They embraced each other for hours, sitting on the sofa.

“So what do you want to do about the baby?" Jersey asked as she stroked Clara's hair

“I already lost someone, I don't think I want to lose another person again,” Clara said

“Then, if you want to keep it, we will. Whatever you want, I am here for you," Jersey said.

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