The Grass Ain’t Greener, It’s Just Dusty

“Just leave me alone!!!” Aliya yelled as she slammed the door, her chest heaving in deep annoyance.

Without a second thought, she stormed out, the chill night air caressing her face as she walked aimlessly on the street. It wasn’t until she reached the junction that reality set in, “where am I even going this late at night?” She wondered.

She could go to Elizabeth’s house. Beth would welcome her, listen and hug her. Try to calm her down and then of course, talk her into going back home. No, she didn’t need any of that right now.

But if she goes to her boyfriend’s place, Fred will welcome her with open arms, fuel her anger and tell her she was right and understand how she wasn’t crazy for hating her overwhelmingly controlling her mother was.

“Fred’s it is”, she finalized turning toward the route that led to her boyfriend’s one-bedroom apartment in the desolate part of town.

The one-bedroom apartment that smelled that cheap air freshener and cigarette when he opened the door, he looked at her surprised, “baby, I didn’t know you were coming”

“Why, because you’re smoking again?” Aliya questioned stepping inside. “I can’t stand her, Fred. She thinks she owns me or something”

He shut the door and walked in, holding her hands, he said, “then don’t allow her do this to you anymore. You’re a fully grown fierce woman, babe. You don’t need someone acting like a monitoring spirit in your life.”

“uhm, I’m only 22, I don’t know, I feel like I understand her but for real, she needs to just chill” she responded looking up at him. At 5’7”, Fred stood way taller than her as a 6’6” guy.

He ushered her to sit on the edge of the mattress lying on the floor covered in mildly tattered carpet, he had that look on his face, the one where one eyebrow goes up, jawline looked sharper and eyes sinking even deeper into his naturally deep eye socket, that same look he gives when scheming something absolutely ridiculous. Like the one time he asked her for one thousand dollars only to blow it on a supposed “cigarette brand start-up”.

Aliya shook her head at the reminder of that annoying time as they both sat on the mattress.

Fred held her palm “We could leave, babe. Just us. Start our lives officially. You got money, your mom is loaded. We should be able to get enough to start our lives.”

She pulled away slightly. “Wait… what?”

“Think about it,” he said, eyes almost sparkling at the brilliant idea he just thought up. “You get the money, we bounce, live our best lives. Just me and you, no rules, no one’s watching us and constantly having opinions about our lives.”

Something about it was unsettling to her, it made her stomach twist, “I don’t know babe, that….that seem like a lot.”

Fred shrugged and let go of her hand, “it’s your life babe, you could get her out of your life now or live your life as an organism on a Petri dish”, he said suddenly looking proud of himself for the microbiology reference he just made.

Aliya thought about it, then decided to text Beth to seek her opinion on it.

Aliya: Fred suggests we elope. Just him and I. I’ll get the money from mum, I think this could be my one chance to be free but, I….I don’t know if I wanna do this
Beth: What? Aliya no, that’s crazy. I keep telling you, that boy is an idiot. If he truly loved you, he would never want to separate you from you mother, the only family you have? What, no! I’m certain he’s just after your money
Aliya’s jaw tightened. Aliya: I knew it was a mistake texting you. I asked for your opinion once and you went back to judging my relationship, Judge Judy. But it’s fine, you don’t get it.
Beth: No Aliya, it’s YOU who don’t get.

That’s it. What was she thinking, Beth was exactly like her mother. Annoyed, she blocked Beth.

The next day, she returned home like nothing had happened. The mansion stood regal. The place screamed wealth, from the velvet curtains to the piano in the corner and then the antiques gallery, displayed for guests to see as soon as they walked in.

Her mother was in the living room, reading quietly, with her legs crossed. “Aliya,” she called out without looking up.

“I need money” Aliya said, walking close to her mother

She finally looked up from her book and met Aliya’s gaze, “for what?”

“A project in school”

Her mother took one long look at her, the room was filled with a long piercing silence, then she sighed.

“Aliya, just know that this is your home and I am your mother. Someday, you’ll understand that this rebellion is just stupid teenage raging hormones, but you have a choice not to let it ruin the chance you have to build good relationships with people.”

Aliya glared at her, “No, you’re wrong. You are not trying to build a relationship with me, you’re just trying to control me. You want me to be like you, polite, quiet, don’t speak unless I’m spoken to, sit in a corner and read those boring books, I am not like you and I’ll never be”

Her mother recoiled, looking hurt, “I have never wanted for you to become me. I am a scientist; you are an art student whose passion for painting I support.” She said in a terribly low voice that left Aliya feeling guilty, “it’s alright, hopefully, you’ll see it someday” She turned, wrote a cheque and handed to Aliya. Then walked away, head high.

Aliya stood at the living room for what felt like hours. She felt like a mess but had no idea why. That night, with the weight of her decision weighing on her, she packed her bags and left.
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For a month, she lived in Fred’s world. And gosh was it horrible! A world filled with endless party nights, she doesn’t even remember the last time she breath fresh air without inhaling an unhealthy amount of cigarette smoke. Just last week, she had to get an inhaler after she almost suffocated in the house once.

Day in, day out, delinquent boys and girls rolled in and out of the house. She doesn’t even know if their house or the community house for slobs anymore. And even more, she definitely didn’t know how much of a cheat and liar Fred was. The things she once found exciting, his reckless I don’t care attitude, became unbearable. The man had no goal, no ambition, just vibes and a constant need to be the boy’s big bro and her as the funding source.

One evening, while deliberating on what to wear, she turned to him. “Babe, should I wear the blue dress or the red one tomorrow? It’s our one-year anniversary”

Fred, scrolling through his phone, didn’t even look up, he answered, “Whatever.”

In that moment, nostalgia hit her like a punch to the stomach.

It was stupid. So small, so insignificant. But she remembered how her mother would pretend to think hard about what dress she should wear, making a whole theatrical performance about the whole process before finally deciding on one. And they’d laugh, how she has missed her laughter. Or how her mother wouldn’t dress up until Aliya picked an outfit for her too.

Gosh, she missed her.

That night, she packed her bags for the second time in a month. But this time, she wasn’t gonna let anytime stop her. Besides, there was nothing to stop her as Fred was busy gyrating with yet another girl in one corner of the house to the unbearably loud speakers blasting to the song “Particula” by Major Lazer.

She got home to her mother watching the news, casually resting on the sofa, in her two-piece silk nightwear, looking as she always does, like a well-groomed woman.

Aliya sat across from her. “Mom…”
Her mother simply held her. No lectures, no I told you so. “Welcome home.”
And that was when she remembered her mother saying, “I hope you realize someday”. Well now, she has, and she is never looking back.

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