Touching Grass

The white background of the Word application I had been staring at for the past twenty minutes, was beginning to wear my eyes out. I needed to write something but I already came up with too much somethings, that settling for one seemed like a wrong decision.

My phone chimed, and although it was far from me, beneath my pillow, I knew whose text it was without a second thought. I’ve always prided myself in my passion for writing, and never thought a day would come where my editor would have to request my submission, not once, not twice but four times in two hours.

Source

My mind at the moment is overflowing with ideas for the post. Do I write a love story or do I write a story about famine? Do I write a horror story, or do I write about an unfortunate experience? I knew not what to do but needed to do something nonetheless. I needed to find something that would send my mind to a place of calm. And with this knowledge, I decided to go through my last posts.

Scrolling through my profile, a sense of pride enveloped me on seeing my many works accepted by so many. I clicked on my last post and enthusiastically, opened up the comments. I scrolled through, liking those that appealed to me and hiding those that didn’t. Amidst the sweet nothings ranging from emojis, to actual words, my eyes strayed to a comment - ‘Blandness put into words’. And, I stilled.

Ever since I started writing, I’ve had my share of critics, haters and whatevers. But there was something about this comment that had me inert. I had written about a girl trying to find her way around a new city, and her experiences. I was so pleased with this story, and if the string of nice comments were anything to say about it, the story appealed to my readers as well.

I stared, my mind trying to figure things out from an outsider’s point of view.

Alas, it couldn’t.

I say this because out of frustration, I slammed shut my laptop, and decided to take a walk. I needed to touch grass, and be more in tune with reality. So, I set out, walking down my street, to the other parts of the estate. The time according to my wristwatch was 6:46pm, and with ideas still waging wars in my mind, I knew I was so close to breaking my track record of turning up everyday for my readers.

I walked and walked, venturing into unfamiliar territories, appreciating my view of trees and wondering why I hadn’t ever explored these parts of my environment. Somehow this calmed me, and I found myself getting lost in the moment and appreciating its contrast from everything I was used to. But of course, moments like these never last. Reality finds a way to draw you out.

Source

The sound from the sole of a shoe colliding with sand was the weapon fashioned against me in this case. I turned, to see him, few meters away from me. Left palm hidden away in his pocket, and his right, clutching a laptop bag, his eyes were fixated on me, like he’d been doing that all this while. I already had the comment from before as mystery number 1, and now, this stranger looked like he held prospects to becoming mystery number 2.

I tried, to not pay him much mind, but with every step I took, the knowledge of someone walking behind me, and his eyes which bore holes into me, left me nerve wracked. And as is atypical of days like these, I tripped. I tripped and fell ass flat. All the while, wondering why today decided to be so greedy, cramming as much memories into 24hours.

In shame, I raised my head up. We locked eyes.

He smiled. A chuckle escaped me. I told myself the chuckle was to complement his smile but being true to self, It was to make the situation less awkward.

He walked up to me and stretched out his previously hidden left hand which I took. I dusted the sand off myself, all the while he stood next to me.

‘I’m really sorry if I made you uncomfortable, walking behind you’. He said. I shrugged like it didn’t matter.

‘Are you hurt in any way?’ He asked, and this time, I brought myself to look back into his eyes.

‘No, I’m fine. You shouldn’t be so bothered’ I answered eventually.

‘Well, you seemed pretty wound up earlier. So I thought I’d give you some space to unwind.’

‘I appreciate that’. I said. Not knowing any better way to continue the conversation.

We walked next to each other, in silence. I, intensely aware of his presence, and having my mind replay all that had transpired between us. Him, just walking briskly next to me. This continued for the rest of our walk together, till he said -

‘I’m in no position to tell you this’ He began hesitantly.

‘But You look like you need to hear this, you don’t always have let you eat yourself up. You’re only but human. You don’t need to have it figured out always.’ With this, he increased his pace and disappeared into a building, not too far from where I had halted, pondering on his words.

As much as I tried to discard his words, there was something exhilarating about the reminder - ‘You’re only but human’. With each replay of the sentence, I got flashbacks of days I buried everything I felt, just because I wanted only positive comments on my writes. Days where I succumbed to pressure from my editor, even when I was in no mood to sit before a laptop. Flashback from the comment from earlier.

I turned back on the spot, deciding that I’d had more than enough for one day. As I began walking back, my thoughts now centering on his statement, i didn’t need another encounter to point out that how much I needed to hear that after months of writing myself to exhaustion.

With this realization, came the inspiration for my today’s post. I was going to write. And this time, I would let myself feel. I would let my fingers flow over the keyboard and not limit my character’s actions to what my readers would think.

I looked back to the direction this stranger had parted ways with me, and I realized that although, it was a short encounter, it undid everything that I felt from today’s onset.

At this point, the white background from the Word application, no longer appeared threatening.

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Thanks for reading.