AN HOPELESS CHRONICLES

I must have told this story a million times already, but you can't blame a man for looking his demons right in the eye, or blame him for summoning up the courage to keep going even when all hope of winning was rendered a myth. The victory I got made me always pursue that light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes I'm able to reach the light, and other times I don't but I'm always comforted with the knowledge that if I could reach it before even in a lost cause, I can do it again. And that faith has made me keep going even when the odds are against me.

It's been two years now. I sat in the dark hoping morning would not come, fear enveloping me so much that the only thing left in me was my breath which I secretly wished would seize. Staring at the ceiling in the dark, with an empty feeling, I was like a wounded soldier who had given his all and now has nothing left to fight with just waiting for the enemy to have his pound of flesh. There I was in the dark, trying to remember how I started this journey, it was hard because I couldn't even remember again, just found my soul talking to my spirit, searching for answers and looking for a beacon of hope.

Is this how I'm going to end? I asked myself in amusement. I left home so I could finish school and help home, I left home so I could try to survive on my own, make something for myself, see myself through school and then come back to help home. But here I was, I couldn't even help myself, talk less of helping one other person. What was I thinking? I usually heard that the pressure of our educational system was very high, and even the rich would cry, for the first time, I could understand why they said adulthood is a scam.

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If after tomorrow nothing happens, what am I going to do? The thought of this sent unpleasant chills down my spine, call them chills of fear. Where the hell am I going to see 200,000 overnight? Who knows me, who can I turn to, who would want to hear me, what job can I do right now that will give me such money? The unanswered questions were just piling up in my thoughts and I didn't know when tears started running down to my ears. I opened my eyes at the sound of the cock crow.

Unmotivated to do anything, I had already given up pursuing a first class, I was very comfortable with the thought of a second class being okay for someone who was working and schooling. But I could hardly make anything tangible for myself, despite the number of odd jobs I had done. The only result of six months of hard work was being able to cover half of my textbooks with different lecturers threatening to not allow me to write their exams if I did not buy their textbooks. The school wasn't going to let me write exams without paying my school fees, and the job I had spent six months doing ended up being a complete waste of time energy and resources because the person I was working for refused to pay my wages and was doing everything to avoid me.

Here I was early in the morning thinking of what to do with my life, trying to stand up. I fell back in bed with the same energy I used in trying, it was then I remembered I hadn't eaten in two days, and today was going to be the third. Trying to stand again I got up more carefully and this time supported myself with the wall. My vision became blurry immediately when I was up, so I stayed in a position for some time until I could see clearly again. I took a cup of water which by the way didn't look like much, but then the pain in my stomach probably meant my body needed it. I decided I was going to school, despite knowing the odds were against me and I wouldn't be allowed to write exams. Even if I manage to escape the exam officer and write without paying my fees, how would I escape the lecturers? I will find a way, I said out loud.

Reaching school, I was forced to blend in and not show my weaknesses, teaching my coursemates the areas of the course they didn't understand even though I knew the possibility of writing the exam was low. Soon enough the exam officer came and he made sure to block all exits while patiently checking the receipts of every student before they entered the exam hall. But then, I was already inside the exam hall, I had entered before he came and hid in the back seat hoping to bypass security. But then he came inside to check every seat until he found me and sent me out. He sent me out with a little respect, knowing me from my first year to have always paid my fees but this time it was as though he knew things were hard but his hands were tied.

I stood outside watching everyone in my department enter the exam hall, I took the pain of watching them come out and listened to them thank me for teaching them the things they were able to write in the exam hall. I later had to leave the crowd when I could no longer hold it in and headed straight home. Lying on my bed, I burst into tears. If I thought my life was over before, now I know it's over for real and I would be dropping out for the second time in seven years. It was more than enough that the set I started with had graduated three years ago, and here I was battling to survive.

A surge of energy broke out of me when I realized that power (electricity) had come, my phone which had been off for almost two days could now be charged. Turning my phone on, a call came through some minutes later, my pastor who I had never expected to call me didn't just call me but was asking if I was able to write my exams today, I said no, and then he asked a question I had been wishing someone would ask me for the last six months, how much do you need to write your exams. Immediately tears started flowing again, but this time they were tears of joy. After we spoke, he told me to rush to the bank and someone was waiting to attend to me.

I ran a marathon to the bank that day, and then to school, but unfortunately, school had closed for the day. No worries, I would do it the next day. Just when I thought things couldn't get better, I met a set of students who had been looking for me. They were freshers who were given an urgent assignment and needed to submit it in a week. This meant food for me in three days, as well as settling some textbooks and that was how I moved from being hopeless to being hopeful in 24 hours.

THIS IS MY ENTRY INTO THE INKWELL CREATIVE NONFICTION PROMPT #112