Breaking Point
"Open this door or I shoot it down!" The voice was loud and menacing, echoing through the Street. Rose's heart racing, she clutched her eight-month-old baby, tightly to her chest. And with great fear, she looked at Femi, her husband.
The incessant robbery on Dajuma Street, Port Harcourt, had begun again.
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The Chairman of the Local Government Area where they resided was killed due to his stopping to wicked activities of the cult boys there.
The present Chairman cared less about the welfare of the residents.
And as such the wicked activities of killing, kidnapping, and armed robbery continued daily.
There was constant raiding of the area where Femi and Rose lived.
By now, the only property left was the box of wrappers she owned and their bed.
“We would be fine my love” Femi assured her. “I believe they remember that they've completely looted this home” He lamented, silently wishing they remembered.
The robbers were suspected to be at their neighbor's house; Mr. Ken.
After what seemed like a long while, Rose lay down the baby and dozed off on her husband's chest at the thought that the robbers would have been gone.
Femi looked at his wife, feeling all pangs of guilt.
Before their marriage, Femi had called over his fiancee Rose to tell her that he'd been told to quit his present apartment due to his inability to pay his rent because of his preparation for their wedding.
Rose had told him that he should not worry. They got married and together they found a cheaper apartment.
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They just had a baby girl and things have just been going rough for him. He lost his job; more reason he hadn't gotten a new place.
Just as he was about to lay his head, his greatest fear surfaced.
“Open this door, before we scatter it for you!!” The robbers were already at their door and there was no way of escape.
The door creaked open, and a group of rough-looking men stormed in. Their eyes scanned the room, searching for valuables. Rose trembled, trying to clutch her baby, and hid behind her husband.
"Where is your money?" one of the men growled, his gun pointed at Rose.
"We don't have any money," Femi stammered, trying to hide his family behind him.
The men laughed, their eyes gleaming with cruelty. One of them spotted the box of wrappers Rose owned and snatched it, leaving them with nothing.
"You're lucky we didn't kill you," one of the men sneered before they left.
Rose collapsed onto the floor, holding her baby tightly. She couldn't take it anymore. The constant raids, the fear, the uncertainty.
Laughing out loud, she looked at Femi
“Is this the life you promised me?!!”
At this point, she needed a way out.
Femi felt defeated, and told Rose that they had to make a choice: stay in the war zone and risk their lives or move to Delta State to stay with his aunt while he remains here to figure out something.
"Aunty Betty?" Rose repeated, her voice laced with doubt. "But Femi, she's so mean and selfish. Are you sure that's the best option?"
Femi sighed, rubbing his temples. "I know she's not the kindest person, but we have nowhere else to go. We can't stay here and risk our lives every day."
Rose hesitated, unsure of what to do. But the thought of staying in Danjuma street, waiting for the next raid, was unbearable.
"Okay," she said finally. "We'll go to Aunty Betty’s”
The journey to Delta State was long and arduous. Rose held her tightly, trying to comfort her as she cried. Femi sat beside them, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
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When they arrived at Aunty Betty’s house, Rose was struck by its grandeur. The house was huge, with sprawling gardens and a sparkling pool.
But Aunty Betty’s welcome was far from warm. She greeted them with a scowl, her eyes narrowing as she took in Rose's worn clothes and her baby’s dirty diapers.
"What do you want me to do with you and this baby?" she snapped, her voice dripping with disdain.
Rose felt a surge of anger but bit her tongue, knowing they were at Aunty Betty’s mercy.
"We're just grateful for your hospitality, Aunty Betty," Femi said, his voice placating. "We'll do our best to help out around the house."
Aunty Betty snorted. "You'd better. I don't tolerate laziness in my house."
The days turned into weeks, and Rose struggled to adjust to life with Aunty Betty. She was treated like a servant, forced to do chores from dawn till dusk, while Aunty Betty lounged around the house, giving orders.
Her baby girl cried constantly, missing her father, who had stayed behind to look for a job. Rose felt like she was losing herself, trapped in a life she didn't want.
That night, as she lay in bed, Rose made a decision. She would not let Aunty Betty break her.
Two weeks following, Femi called to say, he had gotten a job that came with a house and an official car.
Tears of joy streaming down her face, Rose packed their bags, and they left Aunty Betty’s house, ready to start their new life together.
As they settled into their new home, Rose realized that she had made the right choice. She had chosen to swim against the tide, to fight for a better life, rather than sink into despair.
When there is love you have to give time to time, beautiful things, or the best things are not easy to get, it is not a path of happiness only, there are always circumstances that cross and as what we are doing at the moment is of great importance, the negative impact is stronger, but still, if it matters, it will be worth it in the end.
Exquisite reading.
Thank you so much❤️
hi @daeze-winnie, this piece is also flagging as having possible AI influence. Are you using Grammarly or any other editing software before publishing to the community? If so, kindly confirm what you are using and to what extent. Please note that if you use anything from editing software outside of Grammarly's spelling and punctuation correction and light grammar eg: using the correct form of a verb, it will likely flag as AI influence. Kindly also provide your original draft as pure text in a reply comment (not a screenshot) so that we may try to work out why your writing is flagging for AI. We would like to get to the bottom of this soon so that we can provide appropriate guidance and resume full curation of your submissions. Perhaps try writing in Google Docs but again only use the basic editing functionality.
This is my story draft please:
"Open this door or I shoot it down!" The voice was loud and menacing, echoing through the small apartment. Rose's heart racing, she clutched her eight-month-old baby, Ada, tightly to her chest. And with great fear, she looked at her Femi, her husband.
The incessant robbery on Dajuma street, Port Harcourt, had begun again.
The Local Government Chairman of that Local Government Area where they resided was killed due to his stop to wicked activities of the cult boys there.
The present Chairman cared less about the welfare of the residents.
And as such the wicked activities of killing, kidnapping and armed robbery continued daily.
There was constant raiding of the area where Femi and Rose lived.
By now, the only property left was the box of wrappers she owned and their bed.
“We would be fine my love” Femi assured her. “I believe they remember that they've completely looted this home” He lamented, silently wishing they actually remembered.
The robbers were suspected to be at their neighbors house; Mr. Ken.
After what seemed like a long while, Rose lay down the baby and dozed off on her husband's chest at the thought that the robbers would have been gone.
Femi looked at his wife, feeling all pangs kf guilt.
They just had a baby girl and things have just been going rough for him. He lost his job; more reason he hadn't gotten a new place.
Just as he was about to lay his head, his greatest fear surfaced.
“Open this door, before we scatter it for you!!” The robbers were already at their door and there was no way of escape.
Prior to their marriage, Femi had called over his fiancee Rose to tell her that he's been told to quit from his present apartment due to his inability to pay his rent because of his preparation for their wedding.
Rose had told him that he should not worry. They got married and together they found a cheaper apartment.
…………
The door creaked open, and a group of rough-looking men stormed in. Their eyes scanned the room, searching for valuables. Rose trembled, trying to clutch her baby and hid behind her husband.
"Where is your money?" one of the men growled, his gun pointed at Rose.
"We don't have any money," Femi stammered, trying to hide his family behind him.
The men laughed, their eyes gleaming with cruelty. One of them spotted the box of wrappers Rose owned and snatched it, leaving them with nothing.
"You're lucky we didn't kill you," one of the men sneered before they left.
Rose collapsed onto the floor, holding her baby tightly. She couldn't take it anymore. The constant raids, the fear, the uncertainty.
Laughing out loud, she looked at Femi
“Is this the life you promised meAt this point, she needed a way out.
Femi felt defeatedand told Rose that they had to make a choice: stay in the war zone and risk their lives or move to Delta State to stay with his aunt while he remains here to figure out something.
"Aunty Betty?" Rose repeated, her voice laced with doubt. "But Femi, she's so mean and selfish.Are you sure that's the best option?"
Femi sighed, rubbing his temples. "I know she's not the kindest person, but we have nowhere else to go. We can't stay here and risk our lives every day."
Rose hesitated, unsure of what to do. But the thought of staying in Danjuma street, waiting for the next raid, was unbearable.
"Okay," she said finally.We'll go to Aunty Betty house."
The journey to Delta State was long and arduous. Rose held her baby tightly, trying to comfort her as she cried. Femi sat beside them, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.
When they arrived at Aunty Betty house, Rose was struck by the beauty. The house was huge, with sprawling gardens and a sparkling pool.
But Aunty betty welcome was far from warm. She greeted them with a scowl, her eyes narrowing as she took in Rose's worn clothes and her baby dirty diapers.
"What do you want me to do with you and this baby?" she shoutedher voice dripping with disdain.
Rose felt a surge of anger but bit her tongue, knowing they were at Aunty betty mercy.
"We're just grateful for your hospitality, Aunty betty,Femi said, his voice placating. "We'll do our best to help out around the house."
Aunty Betty snorted. You had better. I don't tolerate laziness in my house."
The days turned into weeks, and Rose struggled to adjust to life with Aunty Betty. She was treated like a servant, forced to do chores from dawn till dusk, while Aunty betty lounged around the house, giving orders.
Her baby girl cried constantly, missing her father, who had stayed behind to look for a job. Rose felt like she was losing herself, trapped in a life she didn't wannt
That night, as she lay in bed, Rose made a decision. She would not let Aunty Ngozi break her.
Two weeks following Femi called to say, he had gotten a job that came with a house and an official car.
Tears of joy streaming down her face, Rose packed their bags, and they left Aunty Betty house ready to start their new life together.
As they settled into their new home, Rose realized that she had made the right choice She had chosen to swim against the tide, to fight for a better life, rather than to sink into despair.
Thank you @daeze-winnie. We have checked this draft version as we are happy that it is human content. You will need to be careful about how you edit your work going forward. Using any editing software other than Grammarly or Google Docs is not sanctioned by The Ink Well because they can flag as AI even on light editing and we do not have the time to make distinctions. Grammarly and Google Docs may only be used for light editing. This means where it flags spelling errors, you may change the spelling. Where it flags that you should add or remove a comma or period, you may do so. Where it flags that you have used the incorrect form of a verb eg: present tense instead of past, you may change the verb to the correct form. Where it shows that you have omitted a word in error eg: the or have used capitals when you should not or vice versa, you may change that. But you may not rearrange your sentences to align with suggestions from ANY editing software.You may not use any functionality that improves, creates fluency, or rephrases. I know that you said that you edited from your own mind. If this is the case then consider what you are editing and whether you are may at times write too much narrative or lengthy descriptive pieces that are not balanced with dialogue and action, and that don't show human emotion. We can only go on the scores that we see.
Thank you very much. I only wish I can get past this phase and have my work curated someday
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STOPThank you so much
Awesome job @daeze-winnie! Keep pushing yourself and you'll reach your Hive goals before you know it.