"Kaya mo yan!" You can do it! usually, when someone opens a problem a typical response would be to lift them up immediately. While the statement 'kaya mo yan' seems encouraging and motivating, it can often show a lack of empathy and distance.

A person who is struggling and has shared a dark episode is a person who can give up and has tried everything he can to help themselves. When the phrase "you can do it" is delivered to them, it can send a feeling of invalidation and be translated as "get over it". Everyone faces struggles differently, the emotions that we face are unique and complex. It is essential to know that these feelings should be validated and acknowledged.

Personally here are the things that I am thankful for when I open up my problems to someone:

1. Listening with empathy. I am thankful to the people who share their time with me and listen to my problems. It gives me the feeling that they are really trying to understand my feelings and in what situation am I now without judgment.

2. Giving validation. Telling me that they understand where I am coming from and letting me know that I need to face my problems because it is important. I feel a sense of support from here.

3. The practical supports. My closest friends usually offer me help with my small errands. Some bring me food or just simply make sure my room looks good when they visit. These acts of kindness help me alleviate some stress and burden.

4. Encouraging professional help. By sending me some videos about the problems I face or suggesting a therapist and medicines it lifts my spirits up that there is still a chance to improve. Also, some of my closest friends even help me with setting up appointments with a therapist.

5. Checking in regularly. My true friends often check up on me from time to time. Especially during the days of me mourning my father's death. It gives me comfort to know that there is someone there always ready to catch my back when I fall.

Not everyone has the strength to push through and even though they may seem strong and happy when someone opens up to you think that maybe that is their last resort and they are on the edge. Saying 'Kaya mo 'yan' (you can do it) without any intention to help is hurtful advice that anyone can receive.

If we can be more compassionate and understanding let us choose to be one, because everyone is struggling and sometimes all we need someone who will not give up on us.

I am lucky to have a person who does not give up on me, and who picks me up when I am completely down. Even though I know it is really hard for her sometimes she still goes to me and makes sure I am ok.