The Funniest Thing (One)

What is the funniest thing you've personally seen someone do in real life? Explain the action and situation and any repercussions from it in a post of 300+ words and use photos you personally took where possible.

I have had many funny moments in my life but one of the funniest was while I lived in Dublin with a few guys from college. Many of you that follow me know about an infamous character that I used to live with by the name of Flood. Flood was the friend of my best friend Bernard and when we moved to Dublin he asked Flood to move in with us. Flood had a very high paying job but had a screw lose. He drank heavily and never slept due to some weird insomnia. He used to just lie on his bed with his eyes open and that was his sleep. Anyway Flood loved to play pranks on Bernard all the time and used to get me in on the action. Flood hated the way Bernard cooked and the lack of hygiene in his food storage. Bernard had chicken in the fridge so Flood ended up putting the chicken on the clothes line with a message "Get rid of your gone off shit." Out of principal Bernard did not take the chicken down off the clothes line so it was up there for weeks until the birds ate it. It was a typical student house. Anyway onto the story.
Flood was annoyed with Bernard over the chicken and he had a friend coming to stay called Bungalow Mick. They called him Bungalow because there wasn't much going on upstairs. However Flood had plotted with Bungalow Mick to pretend on arrival that he was some kind of burglar wanting to break into our house. Bernard would be home cooking his usual chicken and stir in sauce at 5pm. Flood and the rest of us living in the house would be upstairs waiting for the show to kick off. Flood had already got his secretary in work to email us that the show would begin at 5pm so we would all have to be home by 4.30pm. Flood had hooked up hidden cameras which was no mean feat at the time to take in the kitchen / living room and front door. We would also be upstairs on the landing with a small view. Bernard was a space cadet at the best of times and never noticed anything added or missing from the room. You could have an elephant in the living room and he wouldn't even cop it was there.
We snuck home at 4.30pm and made our way up our stairs to our bedrooms. Bernard was starting to cook his shitty meal as per his usual routine. Flood gathered us on the landing and told us Bungalow Mick was going to pretend he was a carpet salesman and try to gain entry to the house. 5pm came and like clockwork there was a knock on the door.

Bernard left his food preparation and answered the door.

"How ya , I am wondering if you would like to purchase some fine quality marley (alternative word for carpet) ?"

"No thank you this house is rented , we don't need any."

"You do need some, look at the state of your hallway , it's threadbare, I've some fine quality marley outside." said Bungalow Mick in a thick traveler accent.

"No thank you " said Bernard "Now good day to you.

We were on the landing looking down laughing.

Bernard tried to close the door but Bungalow Mick put his foot through the gap to stop it from closing

"Hold on there a minute son , if you know what is good for you then you will buy a bit of marley."

Bernard was a lump on a man himself so he forced Bungalows foot away from the door and said "NO THANKS" more sternly and closed the door.

Bernard went back about his business into the kitchen and locked the patio door in the kitchen for good measure.

Flood whispered to us that Bungalow was going to launch Phase 2 of his plan.

Bungalow started slamming on the door ferociously however Bernard seemed used to this racket from maybe a past life and turned his chicken fillets in the pan as if nothing was happening.

"Amazing" gasped Flood
"Utterly utterly amazing"

He text Bungalow to go straight to Phase 3 knowing his friend Bernard was a bit of an oddball when it came to people trying to bang down his front door.
"I left the padlock off the back gate lads"

Bernard stayed cooking not a care in the world when Bungalow appeared at the sliding doors to the rear of the house right by where Bernard was cooking. He preceded to start hammering here now.

Bernard noticed this and stopped cooking. He made his way through the large arch into the sitting room and turned on the TV and start watching it. He picked up his phone.

"I got a text" I ushered like I was in Love Island.

"You on your way home" asked Bernard to me

"No why? I replied.

"Some mad man is trying to break into the house trying to sell me carpet."

Bernard kept flicking over the channels ignoring the racket until Neighbours came on and settled with this. All the way there was a beast of a man slapping at his patio door.

Proceed to the final phase Flood text Bungalow. Flood had left the side window open in the downstairs bathroom. The cunningness in Flood knowing that Bernard would lock the patio door made me realise there
was genius at play here.

Bungalow disappeared from the patio door so Bernard went back into the kitchen to check on his now charred chicken. Flood told us it was nearly time to make our way downstairs for the finale.

As we made our way down stairs Bungalow Mick had followed his brief to a tee except for the final part. Flood calculated that it would take him a while to negotiate the window entry as was his size but Bungalow was quite agile for a big man as his flap squeezed through the window like the T1000 in Terminator 2. He ran into the kitchen to surprise Bernard but just as he made his way into the kitchen there was a great big bang and then darkness.
Bernard had clattered Bungalow Mick with the frying pan across the head. Flood ran to Bungalow like a worried wife.

"Noooooooooooooo"

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Bernard was standing over him. Chicken all over the floor.
"This is a friend of mine Bernard, he is visiting for the weekend."

Flood knew it was his fault that Bungalow was sprawled out on the ground. Chicken grease all over his nice new leather jacket. After a few moments Bungalow came back to consciousness.

"What was that all about Flood?"
"You said he would run away!!"
Brendan apologised while he picked up his chicken.

Being a typical Galway man Bungalow dusted himself down and went out and got a couple of cans from his car.
After a while they were best of friends. Flood was still feeling bad that his plan ended in one of his best friends from home nearly taken to A&E. Flood was a disaster and I look back on him as one of the funniest people I have ever met. The time he lost the quad on holiday and found it in a ditch after days of searching, the time he rang an ambulance because he was so hung over and offered the paramedics a bribe, the time he spent 2k at a bar on a nights holidays and realised he left his wallet at home. Not funny at the time when the Russian that owned the bar was the shiftiest character ever. The time where he threw a man in the holiday swimming pool only to find out that he was head of a notorious Irish drug cartel. Seeing the tattood fingers of Love and Hate grasping onto the side of the pool was one of the moments I was most scared in my life.

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I was even more scared the day after when Flood came home with a glamourous looking lady called Telmelza only to find out that it was our drug cartel persons wife. So we were lucky to be alive after this one. Many many years have passed and I can laugh at it now being the funniest moments of my life. The funniest and scariest moments of my life I might add.