A Parenting Reality Check

My son woke up this early morning to prepare for school only for him to ask me a shocking question I never expected. That was enough to remind me that for every little thing I do or say in the presence of my children, they are obviously watching and learning, either for good or for bad.

My experience so far with my children has proven to me that parenting is one of the most influential roles in shaping the children's behavior, including their beliefs. These children do not only learn from what we say but also from what we do in their presence as well. Some of the things they watch us do go a long way in affecting their perspective about life because we are literally their role models, and they will always assume that whatever they see us do is right.

I was only on a call yesterday evening with a friend who was waiting for me at the bus stop. When her call came in, I told her over the phone to exercise a little patience for me as I was already leaving home and approaching the bus stop; meanwhile, I was still at home getting ready. My son overheard me answering the call, but he didn't say anything. After I was done dressing up, he bid me farewell. On getting back home, he was already asleep. So this morning, he woke up and walked straight to my kitchen, where I was preparing their meals for school. Then he said, Mum, so is it not bad to lie anymore?

At first, I was confused about where his question was coming from because almost daily during our morning devotion, I usually teach them morals and not to tell lies for any reason. He went further to remind me of my lie yesterday with a friend over the phone and how he has been pondering over my teachings to him and his siblings and how my action is contradicting.On hearing this, I lacked words to defend myself, but then I had to put myself together and explain to him that I was wrong for doing that, blah blah blah.

Now, this is something I was careless to say in his presence, and he reacted the way he did. In fact, he had to ponder over it till the next morning before approaching me for clarification. I was thinking about it, and I was like, if it's something more dangerous than the lie, his emotions will greatly be affected. I also thought about what would be going on in his mind if he didn't find any reason to approach me for clarification... obviously he might assume that it's right to lie since my mom lies as well.

Let's imagine some of the parents who fight aggressively in the presence of their children. Imagine the categories of those who disrespect each other and call their partners bad names and all sorts of insults still in the kids presence. These things happen all the time and carelessly, and these children will grow up with such mentality and beliefs. They wouldn't see anything wrong with such an ill attitude because they saw how it was their parent's lifestyle.

I listened to a story of a woman who grew up in an abusive home. She said that her experience as a child made her believe that it's normal for parents to fight, shout at each other whenever the situation presents itself, and disrespect each other without an apology. The whole experience affected her as a child emotionally, and even when she got married, she carried such an attitude into her home and made the life of her husband almost miserable. She was able to pull through, but then the source of her problem was from the kind of things her parents exposed her to, and she saw no bad in them until reality came knocking.

I wouldn't say that my own experience yesterday was little, but it's a reminder to strive in leading by example, being mindful of my actions and words, as it significantly impacts my children’s emotional and psychological growth.

Images are mine