Talking to my Daughter about Life, Death and Science.

Last Friday, my oldest daughter came with a discussion about death. She said that it is difficult to believe that nothing happens after our death. I told her that many people have different opinions about what happens during death, but I personally struggle to believe them since I can't believe in something that goes against science. She explained that she believes in a story which, for me, looks like reincarnation, and it is similar of what Spiritism by Allan Kardec believes, that we get into another body with our memories wiped out, something like that. Not sure why it looks like some touch of my wife, since she likes this type of idea.
I brought my point of view for her when I was by myself with her, since my wife interveined and mentioned something about "some people believe in science, some in religion". Science isn't about "believing". It is about facts. She also mentioned that "there are questions that science will never answer". A question that we can't currently answer in Science doesn't mean that it needs to be filled with religion or opinion. And my wife concluded that "no one came back from death to explain how it really is".

When I was by myself with her, I questioned first if she could remember everything that happened after she was born. Of course, she said, no. I asked her what her oldest memory was. She couldn't remember, but for sure, she was a kid with some capacities. So I told her that happens because our brain takes time to develop. We are born without any capacity to think, remember, or any skills to feed and move by ourselves. Our neurons take time to connect and our consciousness takes time to develop. The same way that we start our life and our development starts to go backwards when we get old.
I told her that some old people have a problem called dementia, which is basically the opposite. Even without dying, people start to lose their neuronal connections, so they start to lose themselves in how they perceived the world. So basically, a highly progressive dementia patient is already gone. And death is basically the same thing that can happen earlier or later. Our connections cease and in the same way that we started to understand the world, it finished.
I continued more about this topic, explaining to her that sometimes even if we die, with brain death, it doesn't mean that our body is totally dead. Some organs continue to work a bit after our death, and that's why we can donate our organs to people who need a transplant.

I think she understood a bit despite the topic being a bit complex for her almost 9 years old. I just want her to question a bit and avoid filling some gaps in knowledge with opinions or information with no basis. Many of the arguments we still see today exist because people prefer easy explanations over careful thinking.


Na última sexta-feira, minha filha mais velha veio conversar sobre a morte. Ela disse que é difícil acreditar que nada acontece depois da nossa morte. Eu disse a ela que muitas pessoas têm opiniões diferentes sobre o que acontece durante a morte, mas eu pessoalmente tenho dificuldade em acreditar nelas, já que não consigo acreditar em algo que vá contra a ciência. Ela explicou que acredita em uma história que, para mim, parece reencarnação, e é semelhante ao que o Espiritismo de Allan Kardec acredita, que entramos em outro corpo com nossas memórias apagadas, algo assim. Não sei por que isso me parece um pouco estranho, já que minha esposa gosta desse tipo de ideia.
Expressei meu ponto de vista para ela quando estávamos a sós, pois minha esposa interveio e mencionou algo sobre "algumas pessoas acreditam na ciência, outras na religião". A ciência não se trata de "acreditar". Trata-se de fatos. Ela também mencionou que "há perguntas que a ciência nunca responderá". Uma pergunta que não podemos responder atualmente pela ciência não significa que ela precise ser preenchida com religião ou opinião. E minha esposa concluiu que "ninguém voltou da morte para explicar como as coisas realmente são".

Quando eu estava sozinha com ela, perguntei primeiro se ela conseguia se lembrar de tudo o que aconteceu depois que nasceu. Claro que ela disse que não. Perguntei qual era sua lembrança mais antiga. Ela não conseguia se lembrar, mas com certeza era uma criança com algumas capacidades. Então eu disse a ela que isso acontece porque nosso cérebro leva tempo para se desenvolver. Nascemos sem a capacidade de pensar, lembrar ou qualquer habilidade para nos alimentar e nos mover sozinhos. Nossos neurônios levam tempo para se conectar e nossa consciência leva tempo para se desenvolver. Da mesma forma que começamos nossa vida, nosso desenvolvimento começa a regredir quando envelhecemos.
Eu lhe disse que alguns idosos têm um problema chamado demência, que é basicamente o oposto. Mesmo sem morrer, as pessoas começam a perder suas conexões neuronais, então começam a se perder na forma como percebiam o mundo. Basicamente, um paciente com demência em estágio avançado já se foi. E a morte é basicamente a mesma coisa, que pode acontecer mais cedo ou mais tarde. Nossas conexões cessam e, da mesma forma que começamos a entender o mundo, ele termina.
Continuei falando mais sobre esse assunto, explicando a ela que, às vezes, mesmo que morramos com morte cerebral, isso não significa que nosso corpo esteja totalmente morto. Alguns órgãos continuam funcionando um pouco após a morte, e é por isso que podemos doar nossos órgãos para pessoas que precisam de um transplante.

Acho que ela entendeu um pouco, apesar do assunto ser um pouco complexo para ela, que tem quase 9 anos. Só quero que ela questione um pouco e evite preencher algumas lacunas de conhecimento com opiniões ou informações sem fundamento. Muitas das discussões que ainda vemos hoje existem porque as pessoas preferem explicações fáceis a um pensamento cuidadoso.

That's some pretty deep discussions with a 9 year old, and I'm particularly impressed that she's starting to wonder what happens after death.
Indeed, she is good in bringing topics and perseptions about the world… but she still thinks that harry potter magic is real hehhe . I try to talk about any topic that she brings the more difficult as they can do i avoid escaping about some topics just because she is young.
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I've asked that question a long time ago as well. Jesus Christ was literally beaten, tortured and executed on the cross. On the third day of his death he came back from the dead just as Jesus promised to his disciples. The entire foundation of Christianity hinges on this historical fact. I've read many critiques attempting to explain away this key historical revelation but none was sufficient. Jesus, the Lamb of God fulfilled the righteous requirements of The Law, and his sacrifice paid the penalty for our sins so that we can appear before God the Father.
"He has risen!"
"He has risen indeed!"
I respect how important the resurrection is to Christian faith. But history relies on independently verified sources, so many people see it more as a matter of faith than a historical fact.
Interesting discussion between a dad a daughter especially when she's a kid and talking about such complex topics
It is complex, hehhe.
has she reached already the death fear time? like the fear that you or her mum will die? you better fill the gap with science! that was a good talk
the oldest memory i can remember is from when i was 4 or 5 i can estimate as it was at kindergarden
Yes, she is asking, now that she understands that not only old people die hehehe. Now she is aware that anyone can die! She asked me something like that another day. It is interesting that I have some sparse memories.... I have one or two memories when I was three, I know that because my mom told me the age, one was a beach from a place that we lived when we were three, and the other was some memories when I had chickenpox at the same age. From 5 I have a couple more... just fragments, like picture frames.