Sprints Within Marathons

It's actually a good headstart to wake up earlier than the majority, get most of the basic work done before the noise of the world's expectations and obligations begins and then catch up on the endless stream of what makes this noise mostly noise.

You get the opportunity to be in your own world and time as opposed to being constantly reactive to external demands and the collective rhythm that everyone else marches towards.

I sometimes fumble this experience by simply doing nothing, as in just standing there taking in the moment and letting my consciousness wander around without grasping the process.

I'm not sure this counts as thinking but it's remotely similar to thinking without thinking or when you look at something without really looking at it. Say with your peripheral vision, while the wandering around is more like peripheral consciousness.

It hits different when the mind isn't tethered to one single topic but encompasses myriads of topics, some of which are brushed with only a few sentences before jumping onto the next topic.

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Usually, this is coming from the backdrop of taking an observer's stance on my own existence and watching the patterns of my thoughts and behaviors unfold like scenes in a movie I'm simultaneously starring in and directing.

I'm observing my life from what seems like multi-dimensional pov, running marathons and taking sprints within some of these marathons.

Put on a comparative lens and see that I'm behind here and there, a bit ahead at some places, running on the wrong lane, getting sidelined, still running when a finished line has been crossed, just sitting on a racetrack refusing to keep running ahead, etc.

It's too much already. Even trying to recall such experiences and derive impressions out of it can bring a mild headache to my ordinary mind.

The non tangible muscles I need to develop seem many and I'm way behind in cultivating the mental stamina required for sustained self-awareness.

Stillness And Sand Castle

The main non-obvious impression that I could discern so far is that the moments when I'm doing "nothing" might actually be when I'm doing arguably the most important work of all, which is allowing my subconscious to reorganize itself without the interference of my controlling, analytical mind.

Also, there's an inherent tension between being the observer and being the participant in my own life.

The more I step back to watch and analyze my patterns, the riskier it gets at becoming disconnected from actually living them, which has already happened in certain phases of my life in the past.

Now, I can afford doing that for long otherwise everything I've built so far comes tumbling down like a sand castle blown by the wind.

All is built on sand, but we must build as if the sand were stone, said Jorge Luis Borges.

I'll add a reasoning that because the act of building with full commitment is itself what transforms sand into something substantial, even if this may be temporarily.