content warning: discussion of pet end of life.

I'm sorry I missed posting yesterday. My old dog is nearing end of life and we'd been up all night with him. He's lying in my lap right now. I can feel his enlarged heart slamming against his chest. He's wheezing a bit, too, but I think he's sleeping. We have an appointment for euthanasia. I have such complicated thoughts about it. He enjoyed chicken this morning. He enjoyed me hand feeding him. We've been too busy this past year. We used to cuddle with him while watching TV. That's an activity he could still do, but we haven't done that. He licked my nose. That's an activity he's always enjoyed. I once decided to just let him lick my face for as long as he wanted. More than 10 minutes of just licking my face nonstop. That was man years ago. This time it was just 4 gentle licks.

I...I'm still too tired to think.