Values not goals

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Every day we have objectives, goals or idealizations that we set for ourselves, or that are set for us.

Creating rules or having defined objectives is in fact one of the most important starting points if we want to avoid getting scattered and be more productive with our time.

Rules are often like real compass points that guide us through the widest of “deserts”. But sometimes rules alone are not enough...

If we are too intransigent with them, we don't allow anything that makes it impossible for us to fully comply with them to almost certainly lead us to a place where it won't be very pleasant. The feeling of personal failure can take over moments, or even days, after we have chosen something beyond what the rule “pre-determines”.

Rules, or goals, if they are also a set of ideas that are not internal to us, also end up not taking into account our individuality and our own limitations. We are not machines or computers, and we don't always have the same conditions (internal or external) that allow us to always choose what is regulated. They are therefore limited, because they don't take into account some of the personal or exceptional conditions that make it impossible to comply.

Rules can also generate more interpersonal conflict. If I have a rule, which I follow to the letter, and if I share my space, whether at work or even at home, I end up having an expectation that the rule I follow will also be followed by the other person. If the other person doesn't have this rule, it ends up being a moment of internal or even interpersonal conflict.

Don't get me wrong, please, I like rules. They end up bringing some predictability to other people's behavior and to the way we act. Just today at the gym, I noticed that they had another sign on one of the wall mirrors. The new notice said that at peak times it was not possible to “reserve” machines or weight training machines, and that it would be compulsory to share these machines in order to make more efficient use of them.

I confess that when I saw this notice, I thought to myself: “Does this really need to be written down? Isn't it one of the rules of living in society?”. Apparently not. We sometimes think that our rights can't also be our duties towards others.

Having written rules leads to self-regulation. That's a fact.

And it allows sanctions to be applied to those who don't comply. In this case, it could lead to cancellation of membership of the gym.

I think one of the ways we can evolve as a society and as individuals is to have a set of beliefs. A set of values. These values don't change according to our spirit or a momentary difficulty. If my value is to make the other person's day more pleasant, I will avoid offending them with a more rigid or exclusionary attitude. There isn't necessarily a rule of always treating others well. That rule doesn't need to “exist”. If I fulfill my value of being the best version of myself, I will always treat others well. When others don't behave in such a way that they deserve to be treated well, I don't need to treat them badly. I just don't hurt them. In other words, the rule of treating well becomes a rule of doing no harm. It's not exactly the same thing, but in the end it respects my primary value.

Do you believe that a set of values is just as important, if not more important, than a set of rules or laws?

I hope you enjoyed my little reflection today.

Cheers🍀

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