Alone, but not lonely

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From fear to dependence its a small step.

Developing true art of being alone.

Life is not the same for everyone. There is no script that everyone follows. It is one of the small differences we have from other animals. And perhaps a bigger difference than some that we even think are more important, or more obvious.

I have been alone and “single” since 2005. I wrote a little about this here once, but today I wanted to expand on the topic a little.
Being alone may not even be my own choice, but it is something I feel comfortable with and at peace with. Of course, I am looking for someone to share my life with, but that does not make being alone an unbearable burden, or something that causes me fear or anxiety.

If you are afraid of being alone or single and are in a relationship with someone based on that fear, it is not a healthy reason to have when you want to add something more than just sharing space and time. A relationship with another person is more than just that sharing.

Several studies show that certain things happen when we are in a relationship out of fear or fear of being alone:

The first thing that scientists and psychologists have identified is that you will definitely settle for less than you actually deserve or could have. Guaranteed. If being with someone is more valuable than being with ourselves, the value we place on ourselves is immediately lower than it actually is, and as such, anything more than being alone is better. This is not true. Fortunately, most relationships are good, and it is not something that is less than the other person deserves. You cannot reduce a relationship and another person to something numerical, like a tradable value.

The second one that has been demonstrated and is referred to in these studies is dependence on the other person. There is a feeling that the other person is of the same “caliber” as us. And that may even be true, but in relationships based on great dependence, it may not be anything close to reality. And now, you end up becoming, you end up doing, you end up unfolding, or becoming everything the other person wants you to become. Everything the other person wants you to be. There is no interconnection and growth of “one plus one,” but only a transformation, an adaptation of one side in relation to the other, or a complete nullification of what could be beneficial to both, which is simply nullified by the party that is most dependent on the other.

The third situation that is noted is the fear and apprehension of leaving the other person. The fear of ending a relationship that is toxic, or that is harmful to you... or even to both of you. Out of fear. Fear of being alone... Fear of sharing the days, the minutes, the hours... only with ourselves.

This growth is important. We cannot give our best to others, even in a friendship, if we don't know how to react, how to discover what lies within us. We have to work on this every day. And even if we are in a relationship, there is always this work to be done, from us to ourselves, which must be done continuously.

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