Part of me still needs healing...

If you are familiar with sugarcane, you might be wondering why I shared the photo as the cover image of my post. And if you don't know what sugarcane is, you may be wondering why I shared a random photo!

Let me tell you a personal story, and you will understand why I shared the photo.

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While talking with my husband the other day, one incident from my childhood randomly came to my mind, which I had almost forgotten.

When I was 6/7, my elder sister was about 10. She got jaundice at the time. She was on medication and was taking a lot of medicinal food and drinks to get well quickly. My mom was a working woman, so we used to live at our grandma's house during the day.

My mom bought some sugarcane to give to my sister, as it's believed that sugarcane's juice is a jaundice healer. We were not financially much capable, so my mom only bought 2 pieces of sugarcane sticks for my sister and strictly told me not to ask for any from her, as she needed healing and not me.

But my poor soul, my little soul of a 7 years of old couldn't hold the temptation to feel the sugary feeling in my mouth and asked my sister to at least share a small piece with me after my mom left for work. As usual, my sister refused.

You may know that sugarcane sticks have some nodes in the stick that don't have any juice and are meant to be thrown away. So, my sister was chewing the juicy part and leaving the nodes. I was collecting the nodes to chew to get the last drop of juice while there was not any but only flavour.

My little soul was happy, having those bitter, hardened nodes...

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It was just a small incident, but there are hundreds of these. Now, when I look back, I can see I was a neglected child. Back then, I didn't understand much, so I thought it was normal and so never asked for much from my parents.

I'm the middle child and the second daughter. Coming from a society where the daughter is not welcome at birth and people pray and do whatnot to get a son, I was the second daughter. So, understandably, my parents were unhappy, especially my mother. I never blamed her; she didn't know anything better, and she might have her own expectations.

Till my grown-up days, even still now, my mom's feeling for me is not matched by my other sibling. It still hurts me, although I'm better off now.

But those neglect, those careless behaviour from my surroundings left some scratches in my heart.

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That part still needs to heal. I still look for an apology or at least an approval that they were wrong, but that never happened and never will be. It still hurts.

I'm working on healing myself, there are many miles to go...

Thank you for reading.