The Struggle to Come Home
Nobody prepares you for the transition. They train you to be a Marine. They don't train you to stop being one.
I spent over 20 years in. Enlisted at 18. Didn't know anything else. The Marine Corps wasn't just my job. It was my life. My identity. Everything I knew about being an adult I learned in uniform.
You make it through several deployments. A combat tour. Training in dangerous and austere environments. You survive all of that. And then they hand you a DD-214 and say good luck.
They give you a week long class on how to function as a civilian. How to write a resume. How to interview. How to translate your military experience into corporate speak. Like that's the hard part. Like learning to format a resume is what's going to fuck you up.
It doesn't prepare you for the mental mind fuck to come.
You spend decades in a world with structure. Clear mission. Clear chain of command. You know exactly where you fit. You know exactly what's expected. You have purpose. You have brothers and sisters who would die for you and you for them.
Then one day you're out. And none of that exists anymore.
The civilian world doesn't operate like the military. Yeah sure, companies have mission statements. But that rarely translates down to the minions. You're just a cog. Show up. Do your tasks. Go home. No real purpose. No clear direction. Just keep the machine running until they don't need you anymore.
There's no chain of command that actually means anything. Nobody tells you where to be or what to do. You're just supposed to figure it out. Get a job. Pay bills. Be normal. Whatever the fuck normal is.
When the only adult life you've ever known is military life, civilian life feels like a foreign country. You don't speak the language. You don't know the rules. Everything you were good at doesn't seem to matter anymore.
The structure is gone. The purpose is gone. The brotherhood is gone. You go from being part of something bigger than yourself to being just another guy trying to get by. That's a hard adjustment. Harder than most people realize.
And nobody talks about it. You're supposed to be grateful you made it home. You're supposed to be fine. You served your country. Now move on. But it doesn't work like that.
Some guys come home and can't sit with their back to the door. Some can't handle crowds. Some can't sleep without seeing shit they'd rather forget. Some just feel lost. Like they don't belong anywhere anymore. The world moved on without them and now they don't fit.
The VA tries. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. The system is overwhelmed. The bureaucracy is a nightmare. Some veterans get the help they need. Some fall through the cracks. Some don't make it.
I was lucky. I had family. I had support. I eventually found my way, but still struggle. Not everyone has that.
If you know a veteran who's struggling, don't just say "thank you for your service" and move on. Actually be there. Check in. Listen. That matters more than any bumper sticker or flag pin ever will.
The transition home is harder than people think. And we don't talk about it enough. Yeah, we talk about PTSD, TBI and disabilities. But we don't talk about the mental mind screw that comes from the transition back to what some call civil society.
I miss the times where we were "all equally worthless".
Thanks for reading,
Joe
Notes:
-All content is mine unless otherwise annotated.
-Images are my own unless otherwise noted.
-Photos edited using MS Paint and/or iPhone SE.
-Page Dividers from The Terminal Discord.
It's something I hear all the time from the former enlisted guys, and the treatment you are given after your twenty are up is pathetic. They need actual support to help vets find new jobs and careers. The VA is a nice thought but is so overwhelmed that they limit care, my service connected conditions are limited. One I have to fight with them about is my blood pressure, diagnosed while active duty. They keep trying to claim it's not service connected... As a reservist who did a lot of active duty, I have seen both sides of the coin. Although I was an officer I dealt with enlisted guys most of the time, and upon separation they are given a raw deal. All the PTSD, TBI and other disabilities become their problem, and the military walks away... When you were part of the service they tried to keep you healthy (sort of) but after you're on your own.
There is a lot out there, but one has to really dig for it. Like you said, the VA is there. They have a lot to offer. But it isn't always advertised effectively. You have to ask or discover it yourself. Same with jobs programs, small business assistance, and so on. I really think they need to overhaul the transition program in the military. Make it longer and really add more material.
I don't know any veteran personally, but anyone who fights for their country gets full respect from me. I have never thought about their transition back to civilian life after service. Based on what I read and see on TV (I wonder if that a true reflection?), some seem to adapt to life perfectly even having a fantastic second career, yet some end up homeless with nothing. It's so sad for the latter where they have no support and nothing to go to once they leave service.
Yeah, I think I did pretty well afterwards. It was a little bit of an adjustment for me. However, it was after I fully retired now that I really struggle. Good thing is that I have support of fmaily and the VA. I also have some self-awareness which helps.
Very thoughtful and useful words! My mom and dad had a neighbor who had a black powder cannon in his yard. My dad finally had to go over and tell him to start giving him a heads up before he planned on firing it off.
Yeah, some vets don't do so well with sudden loud bangs. I know it makes me jumpy.
I never served, so I don't know personally, but I can imagine how hard it is. I've seen how hard it is for most vets. I always remember my grandfather who was a medic in WW2 and how he hated the sound of fireworks. I can imagine why.
Fireworks don't bother me as long as I know they are coming. My father-in-law hates them though. On the 4th, he has to go to the basement and turn on music.
People think the war ends when you come home, but they don’t see that the real whiplash starts when the structure, the purpose, and the brotherhood disappear overnight.
Aboslutely! Especially the brotherhood.
Ive actually talked to a few vets and they say that whenever politicians say 'Thank you for your service' its just a sort of social shield, it’s what people say so they don’t have to be asked actually asked the hard questions of what next?
I disregard anything a politician says entirely. They are all fucktards.
I can't imagine how hard it would be to make such a transition. I'm glad you had family to help.
It seems like the transition process needs to be a minimim of six months, and needs to be structured more like the corporate world. Start people off small and incrementally add to it the first two to three months, get them a place to live and a job, and then have people live this way for another three months to establish a "rhythm." I think it's the least we could do for all the years of service people like yourself gave.
!BBH
!PIZZA
!ALIVE
!PAKX
View or trade
PAKXtokens.Use !PAKX command if you hold enough balance to call for a @pakx vote on worthy posts! More details available on PAKX Blog.
I am not sure we need all that. We just need better transition training. They need to let us know all the resources available. Not just give basic job interview and resume training. They need to talk about all the current VA programs, SBA programs for vets and so on.
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@bulliontools(3/20) tipped @coinjoe
Please vote for pizza.witness!
I met someone who went to the Falklands War... I'll just say that I know it's not easy and that what you go through is tough. Big hug.
🤗
A buddy of mine had his leg blown off there, he was a British Royal Marine. He fell out of a helicopter, was running for cover and stepped on a mine. Was several minutes before the chopper came back and deposited the rest of the unit and he was fighting the enemy the whole time, with half his leg missing.
He survived, but is quite "different" these days, deeply affected.
They never return the same; war changes them forever. This man was thrown into a truck with dozens of other dead bodies because there was no other way to transport him, and it took a long time before he received medical attention. He was 17 years old at the time. The trauma he suffered changed his life... in a very ugly way.
I wonder if that bloke was one of the fighters shooting at my mate. Wouldn't that be a coincidence. Probably not though.
We'll never know, but we do know that they are two human beings... how sad for both sides.
"Thanks for your service, now fuck off."
Same thing happens here and is one of the reasons it can be a complex (and difficult) process to assimilate back into civilian life. It's also largely responsible for the ongoing issues veterans face for the rest of their life, as you know.
PTS, TBI...they should add RTCL to the list (return to civilian life).
There's so many aspects of military life that no one seems to want to address, the TBI issue was largely ignored for ever until fairly recently for instance, and what comes later, dealing with issues as above, moral injury also, the inability to find work due to being judged for war fighting (this happens a lot...well depicted in the book One Bullet Away) and other thing...dealing with them is not on the government's agenda.
Good post, nothing to add.
I think this hurt me some looking for work. In fact I know it did. I was told by someone at one of the first places I worked they thought I would be someone who yelled a lot and stuff. I was not of course. However, I did find that many civilians found my straight forward manner and ability to address conflict directly as abrasive. They would have rather gossip about things and murmur about things at the water coolers. I however addressed things directly. That seems to not be well received much, even when delivered with a delicate glove.
Yep, sounds familiar. The lack of focus in some workplaces is at odds with the focus/directness found in others and those drink cooler dwellers...well, they're a breed of their own.
I think much of it comes down to ownership and discipline which is often lacking in civilian workplaces (speaking generally of course) and which means the collective can be undone by the few.
It must be the same when people get out of prison - the whole universe has changed. I'm so glad you had the support. It's really cruel that people are chewed up and spat out with no follow up care.
I imagine it is sor of the same. It is kind of what the character "Red" on Shawshank Redemption referred to and acted at first when he got out of prison. I could see that. However, I would not equate those who commit acts to go to prison with those who serve thier country necessarily. Although, that would make a good case study to see how many ex-military end up being gang members and convicts due to not adapting well after leaving service.
Oh no I didnt mean that , just that the structure and routine would be an adjustment.
I know. But still you birng up a good point. I think it would make for a good scientific study.
This all sounds very familiar to me, sadly it's a situation that is repeated all around the world and many suffer through it. Some though, some are fortunate to have loving families, support, a place to find comfort, direction, assistance. Unfortunately many do not.
Becca 🌷
Yes, and it is those many that do not we have to get better at helping. We need better tranistion assistance for them from the start. It seems there is only help or intervention when a problem is identified. Needs to be cutoff at the source. Right when they exit service. Ensure they have the right support sturcture in place so the transition is smoother.
I agree, a little more effort than how to complete a CV or do a job interview would go a long way. Instead they're left floundering and struggling to fit into a place that feels alien to them, devoid of the direction, structure and discipline they're accustomed to. It's sad, these people put themselves in harm's way for the rest of us but are treated so poorly and often with contempt when they come back.
Becca 🌷
Este es un post muy importante. Ojalá se generalizara su lectura entre quienes están a una distancia de - quizá - unos tres años de ser "enviados a casa sin más". Creo que les ayudaría un poco a estar atentos, a prepararse sicológicamente y a qué cuando le llegarán juntos todos esos sentimientos y emociones que le atropellaron a usted, al menos no les agarraran de sorpresa.
Gracias por compartir.
Éxito y muchas bendiciones más, todas las que necesite.
Thank you. Appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. I am not sure reading about it though would help all that much. Proper training and preparation is needed.
Glad I remembered to come back to this.
Super important and full of a lot of translatable points that would help non-vets also. I think that while most of us will never be soldiers, there is of psychological safety in structure and when that is gone (whatever form it takes outside military), we tend to become rudderless. For a vet, that is an extreme contrast after 20 years, but it affects all of us in some way.
Another interesting thing to note perhaps here is that in Finland, (nearly) all men go to the military for between 6 and 12 months and while that is a different path to a professional soldier, I think that the structure and hierarchy they learn gets translated into the way they work in business. There isn't a huge amount of hierarchy in Finnish business and a lot less than in the US, but there is a lot of structure and expectation, clear division of labour and roles, and responsibility to do the job. It is changing with the younger cohorts though.
From a personal perspective, I understand it from how I changed after the stroke, as it was like walking into a world I no longer understood. It was all familiar, but everything had changed. And like a civilian unable to really understand the transition of a soldier back into civilian life, I felt/feel that very few if any can really understand that the structure I relied on, who I was, was suddenly gone in an instant. No more safety, no more being able to rely on the process.
Thanks for sharing this.
Your reply is upvoted by @topcomment; a manual curation service that rewards meaningful and engaging comments.
More Info - Support us! - Reports - Discord Channel
After some time working commercially I went back to work for the government as a civilian. I leveled out and did very well. I think that is because the government organziations had all that structure again. All of the "clear division of labour and roles, and responsibility to do the job".
I feel for you my friend. It is bad enough to deal with brain fog. I don't ever want to experience a serious stroke. Have had TIAs but nothing serious. It must be so frustrating to know what you were capable of before and maybe feel that you still are. That said, you are doing really well in my opinion. All things considere of course. The fact that you can continue to write and then comment like you do is amazing. Plus you still work? Wow! You may not realize, but you are an inspiration.