The Pivotal Changes And Quiet Lessons Of My Life || LOH Contest #275

"𝙰 𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚌𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚔 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚊𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚍  𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚎." – 𝙷𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚢 𝙺𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛

This quote, as referenced by @alessandrawhite, speaks deeply about a defining period in my life when I had to transition from being a shy, introverted young adult to becoming someone who could climb up a stage without fear.

Like many introverts, I grew up keeping to myself and finding comfort in small spaces. I spoke less and wrote a whole lot in my journal. It's more like, I thrived behind the scenes by expressing myself better through ink on paper than in front of a huge crowd.

But time has a way of confronting us with our greatest fears. Mine was stage fright, the kind that makes you wish the ground would open and swallow you entirely. To overcome it, I had to consciously get rid of shame and learn effective communication. I had to move from speaking comfortably in front of three people to addressing twenty and more without stuttering so much.

It was a difficult season because I felt stuck between remaining stagnant in my growth as a student with research interests and disappointing those who believed I could make them and my external supervisors proud. Truthfully, I had no choice. At the same time, it felt like betraying my natural self by stepping into a role that felt foreign, only to be applauded afterwards for doing well, for doing something I was totally scared of.

I had just two weeks to prepare my research keynotes and slides. Some days, I cried as the deadline drew closer and calls from colleagues who cared about my progress kept coming in. They believed in me far more than I believed in myself, and that alone was the highest form of pressure. Other days, I looked forward to becoming as confident and outspoken as my supervisors expected me to be in front of a crowd.

Thankfully, I had supportive female friends I could be vulnerable with. I gathered helpful tips from the internet and practised a lot in front of my mirror. At the end of the day, I aced my first presentation. I experienced a few hiccups expected of a first time presenter, though. Still, I was proud of myself for overcoming one of my greatest fears by learning a skill that has continued to shape me years later. Like a diamond, I performed brilliantly under pressure and revealed the strength of effective communication I never knew I could l attain.

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This is a response to Question 1 of the LOH contest.

When have you had to learn a new skill under intense pressure?

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Question 2

When have you completely misjudged someone on first meeting them, only to later discover they were much better or much worse than you initially thought?

I will admit that I used to judge people quickly based on first impressions. As someone who trusted her intuition more than anything, I often believed I was right. Over time, I learned that it only takes one wrong impression to push away someone who should have become a pleasant part of my life.

If you were too loud, too audacious, or simply too much to handle, I kept my distance and that eventually created some kind of bias in my dealings with you. Then again, time taught me differently. In my final year of secondary school, I met a certain girl who embodied everything I just mentioned. She was annoyingly loud, expressive to a fault, unnecessarily dramatic and unapologetically bold to the face of anyone. I translated some of these traits to mean performance to gain validation from certain groups of people. So, I judged her quietly until much later, when I discovered that her boldness and theatrics were different kinds of masks she wore everyday to simply live. She was living the life her fearful and submissive mother never had the chance to live. She was being too much to lessen the chances of being put down or bullied by others.

We met again in the university, and as we grew closer, I realized how quiet, fearful and vulnerable she truly was when she wasn't in the company of an entire class. I eventually fell in love with the parts of her life I considered too much, and today, she happens to be one of my closest friends.

I thought - After all, it takes a certain kind of brilliance, boldness or rare personality for people to label you as "too much" and still find you likeable. So, I no longer judge people strongly based on the way they present themselves. Instead, I try to understand the layers beneath their personalities and the reasons behind their questionable behaviours.

All images used in this post are mine. When they're not, I make sure to credit the source.

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