Ladies of Hive contest #250, do you always need to forgive?

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If forgiveness is especially beneficial for those who are able to let go of past grudges, the invitation to reflect upon is: Do we always have to forgive? Why forgive someone who doesn't deserve forgiveness? Should we always forgive? Share your thoughts.

Forgiveness is one of those words that sounds noble, almost poetic, until we are the ones expected to practice it. It’s easy to tell others, “Just forgive and move on”—but when someone deeply hurts us, betrays our trust, or takes advantage of our kindness, forgiveness can feel like trying to drink water while choking on anger.

That’s why today I want to ask an honest question: Do we really have to forgive everyone? Even those who don’t deserve it?

Let’s be real—some people will hurt us and not even feel sorry. They will justify their actions, twist the truth, or act like nothing happened. Forgiving them feels like letting them “get away with it,” and our pride screams “No way!”

But here’s the tricky part—holding on to unforgiveness often ends up hurting us more than them.

Why Forgiveness Feels So Unfair:

The natural human instinct is to want justice. If someone wrongs us, we want them to feel the pain they caused. We want them to apologize, admit their fault, or even “pay” for what they did.

But life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes the apology never comes. Sometimes the person moves on, living happily while we are still replaying the wound in our mind.

This is where forgiveness becomes less about the other person, and more about our own peace.

Forgiveness is Not the Same as Trust:

One of the biggest misconceptions is thinking forgiveness means we must restore the same relationship or trust.
No. Forgiveness is saying:
“I choose to release the weight of bitterness so it doesn’t poison my heart. But I will still protect myself from further harm.”

For example, if a friend betrayed your trust, forgiving them doesn’t mean telling them all your secrets again. It means you’ve decided not to carry resentment, but you will also set healthy boundaries.

When the Person Doesn’t Deserve Forgiveness:

Here’s the uncomfortable truth—most people don’t “deserve” forgiveness. If forgiveness was based on who earned it, hardly anyone would receive it.

We forgive, not because the person deserves it, but because we deserve peace. Carrying bitterness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. It robs us of joy, focus, and even physical health.

In many faiths and philosophies, forgiveness is an act of freedom. It’s choosing to rise above the wrong that was done, refusing to let it define or control us.

Here’s my take—yes, but with wisdom. Forgive for your own peace, but don’t confuse forgiveness with enabling bad behavior.
You can forgive someone in your heart, but still keep your distance. You can let go of the pain, while still holding them accountable for their actions.

In fact, sometimes the healthiest form of forgiveness is silent and private. You don’t need to announce it or reconcile with the person; you simply release the burden from your own spirit.

• Immediate Forgiveness: This is when you decide quickly, “I won’t hold on to this.” It’s easier with small offenses—like when someone cuts you off in traffic or makes a rude comment.

• Gradual Forgiveness: This is for deep wounds. It might take months or years. You might forgive in layers—first the anger, then the disappointment, then the lingering pain.

Both are valid. Forgiveness is a process, not a performance.

We forgive not because they asked for it, not because they deserve it, but because we deserve to heal. Forgiveness doesn’t mean weakness—it takes far more strength to release pain than to hold on to it. And while forgiving doesn’t erase what happened, it frees us to live without the constant weight of the past.

So, should we always forgive? I believe yes—but not to excuse bad behavior. We forgive to reclaim our joy, to protect our peace, and to keep our hearts free from the chains of bitterness.

Because in the end, forgiveness is less about them, and more about us.