Where I | LOH #238

So why don't you go?
Oh, I've got no one to go with.

...are words you'll probably never hear from me.
I was on the road solo at the crack of dawn the day I turned 18. At the time, it seemed like an independence thing, though looking back, I certainly didn't realize how much it would mean. I've since traveled by myself a fair bit, so when I saw this week's Ladies of Hive theme, I couldn't help myself.

As a woman, do you consider Solo Travel as a way of 'Me Time' and self care?

No.

On the road? Always.

I thought about it. Thought about why the obvious answer seems 'yes', and why I disagree with it. In my view, Me Time and self-care fall more on the pampering side, the listening to a good album side, the treat yourself vibe. Traveling by myself never does, because as I see it, it's not a form of self-indulgence. I mean, in a way, obviously it is. But I'm one of those people who think solo travel, like learning to start a fire or build something complex from IKEA is just one of those rites of passage. Builds character, and ultimately makes you a more valuable member of society.

Am I trying to pin my travels on my social group? Alas, no. Though I do see a marked difference in the women who ascribe to the above mentality and the ones who say fuck it and hit the road. It's never just about getting on a plane, is it? Nor is it exclusively true for women, though of course, it's a hell of a lot more dangerous traveling as a girl on your own than as a man, and that deserves to be acknowledged.

When you're somewhere with somebody, you build this narrowboat of two (or three, or seven - odd, gangly boat) that can be approachable, but also doesn't need to be. Maybe being with a group will help you fold into a larger environment more neatly and make new friends, but it's not imperative. After all, you've got someone to provide that illusion of safety (since that's all we can really hope to have in life), someone to ask "what are you getting then" at the restaurant and argue over which museums are tourist traps.

On your own, you're a free agent. You're loose and you're lonely, you're standing on the brink of so many varied opportunities. You can make friends with people who might never approach you if you were part of the group. Other people traveling on their own, perhaps, and even get to share that unique moment of freedom in both your lives.

When you're traveling somewhere new by yourself, it feels a little like tabula rasa. You can start again, since nobody knows you here, and you get (if only for a little while) to be that secret self you aspired to be before life got in the way.

I think that's true for both genders.

As a girl, I think the benefits are tenfold, but then the risks are about a hundredfold, so. Tread with suitable caution. I think there is in us, still, a strong sense of impotence, a need for protection which is ingrained, natural and of course, healthy. What's not healthy is to allow it to override that impulse for adventure.

I can't go as a girl alone is one of the stupidest lies I've ever heard. Of course you can. Arguably, chances of you ending up in a ditch or basement are about as big at home or elsewhere. We've somehow convinced ourselves that being in "our town" makes it safe to go out with strangers you just met online and engage in all sorts of risky activities (many of which are rather unimaginatively called 'living'), but it's not.

Obviously, shit could happen. That's why you need to learn to use your head and take care of yourself. And there is nowhere, no single situation better at teaching a woman that than traveling somewhere new by herself.

I'm of course aware that from all I've said so far, it sounds self-carey. It is tremendously good for you, again. But it's also good for our society as a whole. The more women know they can, in a pinch, rely on themselves, that they are brave, resilient, and can embrace that wild, adventurous side and enjoy it, the less they risk losing themselves to it. The more they're able to contribute to society in a meaningful way.

It seems to me that the best thing you can do for yourself (and others) as a woman (and as a person, in general, really) is go the extra mile to discover just who you are, what you look like when you're scared, vulnerable, exhilarated, and so on. You need to know you can, since in life, you meet more than enough voices telling you otherwise. And since you're putting your shoes on anyway, why not let that extra mile take you to the nearest airport? ;)