LOH CONTEST #205. FORGIVENESS AND LEARNING TO LOVE MYSELF IN THE PROCESS

Hello Hivers, welcome to my blog..
I will be giving you my reflective thoughts on two of the questions dropped this week by #Ladiesofhive using the same story to illustrate.

Why I Forgave Someone Who Didn’t Deserve It; And Why Forgiveness Isn’t Always About Them

I used to think forgiveness should be earned. That it should go to people who are truly sorry, who deserve a second chance. But life taught me that sometimes forgiveness has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you.

Some years ago, before I got married, I had a boyfriend who I thought was “the one.” I was a student then, teaching in a primary school, when he convinced me to resign with the promise of opening a shop for me. He did, but in his own name. I didn’t realize at the time that I was being used for my skills and dedication.
I left my pupils abruptly, a week before their exams, lying to the school proprietor that my parents needed me urgently. Looking back, I feel guilty about how I left those children — guilt I carried quietly because I didn’t know how to ask for forgiveness.

The relationship itself was toxic in ways I didn’t fully see. He controlled my friendships until I had almost no one left, constantly monitored me, even listening in on phone calls with my mum. He lied about everything — his name, his job, even his travel plans. He made me sell the shop I had built from scratch, promising to open a bigger one. He even faked a rent receipt to make me believe he was actually going to get me something bigger and better. When he finally left for abroad, he took almost everything, giving me just enough for my school fees — a tiny fraction of what the shop was worth.

When it was over, I was left empty, betrayed, and heartbroken after two years of my life were poured into someone who never truly valued me. I wanted to curse him. I cried endlessly. For a long time, the pain was fresh and sharp.

But here’s the thing: time moved on. I healed. And I realized that my peace mattered more than my resentment. I didn’t forgive him because he deserved it — he never apologized, never made amends. I forgave because I deserved freedom from that heavy, choking bitterness. Forgiveness didn’t mean forgetting or reconciling because of course I didn't forget nor did I reconcile with him; it meant cutting the emotional chain that kept him in my life even after he was gone.

So, do we always have to forgive? Not immediately. Not before we’ve acknowledged the hurt. And not because they’ve earned it. But when we’re ready, forgiveness can be the gift we give ourselves; the final step in saying, “You no longer have power here.” these are my thoughts about forgiveness and yes; Letting go is actually beautiful.. it's freedom on it's own.

Learning to Love Myself — When No One Taught Me How

A soul I love so much other than mine

For a long time, I thought love meant giving all of myself to whoever was in my life — pouring in my time, my energy, my trust, and my loyalty until there was nothing left in my cup. I didn’t realize that in the process of “loving,” I was abandoning the one person I was supposed to never leave behind: me.

When I think back to that chapter of my life — the one where I left my job, my pupils, my friends, and even pieces of my identity for someone I thought I loved; I see now how much of myself I surrendered without a second thought. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought that was what love looked like.
But when it all came crashing down, I was left with nothing but empty hands and a tired heart. I had invested years into someone who lied to me, controlled me, manipulated me, and left me behind without remorse. And for months afterward, I asked myself questions that hurt to answer: Was I too naive? Did I give too much? Did I even know how to love myself?

The truth is, no one ever really teaches us how to love ourselves. They tell us we should, but not how. And sometimes it’s only after being broken — after realizing you’ve been last on your own list for too long, that you start searching for the answer.

For me, loving myself started with small, intentional choices:
Learning to listen to my own needs before anyone else’s demands.
Saying “no” without drowning in guilt.
Keeping the friendships that feed my soul, no matter who disapproves.
Allowing myself to heal without rushing.
Remembering my worth doesn’t depend on who stays or who leaves.

Loving myself meant realizing that I am more than the roles I play in other people’s lives. I’m not just a friend, a helper, a wife, a mom, I am me. And I deserve the same loyalty, protection, and care I used to give away so freely to others.

I wish I had learned this sooner. I wish someone had told me that loving yourself is not selfish — it’s survival. Because when the people you thought you couldn’t live without walk away, the only person you can’t afford to lose is yourself.
And now, after all the pain, I’ve made a quiet promise to myself: I will never abandon 'me' again.

Thank you for taking your time to read and for sharing in my piece.

Images used above are mine