Toxic ties : #241

avatar

If my life was a Netflix movies series, I would title it the “toxic ties”. I don’t know if I know how I feel writing this but I feel it’s a way of burdening even though I feel better today than yesterday. Yesterday morning and this morning I made a heart felt prayer to God. I pleaded with him to please bring good men my way. People who are not self absorbed and toxic. It was a prayer I made from my heart cos I am weary of toxic ties.

IMG_3402.jpegsource

Just yesterday, I had to pour out my heart to someone I could confide in. He is a friend and a senior colleague and I really needed someone to talk to. At least I have known him for over 15 years. Before I even started the talked with him, I was already close to tears. He was like I shouldn’t cry but I couldn’t seem to help it.

I asked him to please tell me if there was anything bad about me that attracts toxic people to me because he has known me for years. Somehow, I have just found out that over the years, I have had more toxic relationships than I Could imagine. I don’t know where I am getting it wrong but it’s just seem too obvious when people come around me, they find out that I am a good person and they tend to hurt me and take advantage of my good heart.

I have had more people doing that to me while I go all out and try to sacrifice and help them the much I can but somehow they always pay me back with evil. My early teenage years, I had this guy I was dating. His family knows me that he wanted to marry me but that would be after his schooling. I was yet to gain admission and everything changed when he went to school.

I joined him later in the same school only to find out that he was sleeping with so many girls at the same time. And he treated me very badly. He would give all manner of excuses and not even really care. I was dying in silence until I couldn’t hold it anymore. We grew apart and he later got one of the girls pregnant and was forced to marry her.

During my youth service days, I met this guy in a hospital where I was taking care of my sick sister and also helped to care for him because his care taker was a small boy and wasn’t able to really take care of him well. That was how we got close and started dating after he recovered and we all left the hospital. He was cute and way taller than me. Along the line, I noticed he was always talking about how tall his ex was and how he likes tall girls.

He had a financial set back and I even gave him my one month salary those days to set up a little business back home. He was always depressed and I kept encouraging and praying for him. He never really cared much and I made excuses for him that it was because of his present state. On his birthday I went all the way over and bought him things and even sent him some money to celebrate his birthday. We were together and all the expenses was on me. Few months later it was my birthday and this young man didn’t even as much as remember talk more of reaching out. He didn’t we remember that his girlfriend had a birthdate.

And we have been having issues here and there because of his incessant nagging and complaining. He never even got to apologize for his lack of care. It was at their point I knew it was time to let go. After giving my all, I got nothing at the end. The. Came another toxic one that was even worse than all of them. Very controlling and toxic. I had to literally run away from his house cos I was having suicidal thoughts from all the evil I passed through in his hands. After him came another toxic one I just had to let him go last year. This is exactly one year to the last relationship.

This particular one told be one time that I am a good woman and he doesn’t know why he’s being mean to me. That I don’t deserve his meanness. Just so you would know what I was dealing with incase someone is thinking that I could be the reason for the toxicity. He still didn’t change but only grew worse. I loved him so much despite all the red flags and was willing to wait until he changes. It took one this same friend I was talking to make me see that I was enduring a toxicity from someone that doesn’t have plans of changing. I had to walk away and he never of fought for the relationship. I had to let go, it’s painful loving people that don’t love you back with the same energy.

I was tired of having all these terrible experiences with these men that I had to resort to prayers. Right now, I have no man in my life and I am focused on loving myself and taking care of me cos I can’t handle another round of toxicity. I have had enough to last me a life time. I don’t know why people love to take advantage of good women and treat them badly. I have not lost faith. I know there are still good men out there and I am going to get one. I won’t be bad or change my good heart because of how others treated me but so far so good, if my life was to be a Netflix movie, it would be a tale of toxic ties.

Posted Using INLEO

hive-124452 Ladiesofhive cent waivio neoxian fun meme vyb pob hive-engine
0
0
0.000
34 comments
avatar

View or trade LOH tokens.





@babygirl888, You have received 1.0000 LOH for posting to Ladies of Hive.
We believe that you should be rewarded for the time and effort spent in creating articles. The goal is to encourage token holders to accumulate and hodl LOH tokens over a long period of time.
0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

So sorry you had to go through all that. I join my faith with yours that the next relationship you will go into will be your first step to happiness. A big Amen to your secret prayers 🙏 my darling.

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Amen sister. I believe. Thank you so much 🤗

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

You're welcome my darling. Remember that you are loved.

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Sometimes, it's best to pause and just stop looking for someone. I know this can be hard, especially when you yearn for a true love relationship. God will send the right one; I know because ironically, years ago, I'd sworn off men. I had just given up. But then, I was introduced to my now husband; my soul mate. I fully believe it took me to let go of the control, or my trying to control it. Good things are worth waiting for, but like I said, sometimes you need to let go of the control and just stop looking.

Keep praying; God hears you.

I'll keep you in my prayers as well, @babygirl888. Take care!🤗💜🌹 !LADY

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Thank you ma’am…your kind words are like a soothing balm to my soul. I have paused. Just want to focus and build myself. I trust at the right time all will be well and it will be worth the wait. Thanks for your prayers and encouragement 🤗

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Wow! I'm sorry that you had to go through this. It might not be my place to advise you but I would like to leave a thought here.

I was once like this. Desperate to love and be loved. I always yearned for affection and the happiness that came from being wanted and that attracted a lot of shady people into my life. Toxic people who only wanted to take and use. They saw how desperate I was and took advantage of that. It took one straw — the final heartbreak— to break the camel's back. That was when I knew I had to step back. I had to take control of my life. I had to focus on myself, love myself and know what I really wanted for myself. I knew I had to let of go of my need to always be loved because I could do it all by myself. I had family and friends who could love me well enough. It was tough but I did it. And I sleep well enough knowing that one day, what I want will find its way to me.

I hope that intentional, genuine and good love will find its way to you. But for now, here's a stranger sending love your way.

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

This is really so encouraging. Thank you so much for the wise and encouraging words. That’s what I am doing now, learning to love myself right first and stop being needy. Thank you so much for stopping by and for the love 💕 🤗

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

I wish I could cut some of the toxic ties of my life; my life would have been much easier...After reading your post, I was thinking about toxicity and how those ties are making my life toxic every single day...

You are going through so much, and I am so sorry for that. I cannot say much, but I would say stay strong...

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Your words means a lot, we all have our issues and staying strong is a good way to fight. I am stay strong ma’am. Thanks for your kind words🤗

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

There are good men out there but it's tough to sort out the fakes from the genuine goods. Many fakes are a result of poor role models and upbringing, a big clue is to see how his father treats his mother and other women in his family. Shows like the 'Bachelor' or 'Bachelorette' may be a fantasy, real life is not.

Thanks for sharing @babygirl888
!LADY

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Hmmm, this was heart breaking for me but I'm glad that you are learning to love yourself because that is the most important thing and might I add this....stop looking to date. Give yourself time to develop a new skill or something even if guys approach you, you need to tell them that you are on break. This would help you curb desperate tendencies which I believe is what is attracting toxic guys your way.

We've all had our fair share of toxic men but the way to handle the issue in the long run is way matters more. Don't mind pressures of society.

Know that you are complete in God. You are whole, loved, chosen and cherished by the Almighty God above. Focus on serving him and maybe like Ruth, you might get to encounter a Boaz in a field.

My dear !lady, I have so much to say to you but I will try to sum it up with this....instead of praying for God to send you a man or live life expecting a good man to walk up to you, serve God in a particular area and trust Him to connect the dots but your heart posture should be focused on serving God. This was our original purpose in the first place.

I don't know you personally but I want you to know that I love you with the love of Christ and one day, I'll read about your success story and how you bagged a good man. Cheer up girl. God's got you 👍

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Your words are full of wisdoms and kind. Thanks you so much. I have heard all you said, will do likewise. Thanks 🤗

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Glad you found it helpful. I wish you all the best👍

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

This is truly sad and enough to make you go crazy.

There's one true fact about good women. Experiences have shown that good women often attract bad toxic men. And vice versa. Opposite really attracts.

I am so sorry you had to go through all this stressful experience alone. Is definitely enough to break you.

However, I tell you today. You shall find peace and happiness with a man soon. Just keep smiling, be good to everyone, take your mind off men for now and care and concentrate on herself first. Build your healing process. Go out and have fun. Exercise if you can. Experiment with food and friends. Allow your mind to breath and heal properly. Now my dear, don't be quick to open your heart, just in case you meet another man during your healing journey. Stay as friends, study his behavior, visit his family to understand the relationship he has with them. You need to exercise self control, so he won't take advantage of you. Do not get intimate. Engage with him in a meaningful conversation. Do more of talking. You need to learn how to move in a SLOW PACE so you won't get hurt again. Train your mind, learn to restrain( learn restrain) is a very important key. Don't be fast to yield.

Gradually, a man will fall in love with you. When they see that you are strong-willed, even when he has truly fallen, still don't get intimate, very key. and don't get easily deceived. The toxic one will leave and the good one will stay. ( often times is not always the case sha) However, you would continue this exercise until you meet your man. Your soulmate. Your peace and happiness. If you exercise self control and restrain( if you know what I mean). This will work for you as I have helped a lot of beautiful ladies with toxic men.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, ALWAYS PUT GOD FIRST, PRAYER HELPS A LOT, IT WILL GUIDE YOU AND OPEN YOUR EYES FAST, TO DANGERS.

I wish you resilience, happiness, peace, and above all, love, my dear.

May you find the man of your dreams soon.

YOUR STORY REALLY TOUCHED ME. SO SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH ALL THOSE PAIN.

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words. Self control is key like you said. I will do as you say. I am grateful for your support and kind words.

0
0
0.000
Reply
avatar

This is so touching and heartbreaking.
It is well though, just keep focusing on yourself and I belive that good things will definitely come your way.

Thanks for sharing such a powerful piece dear.

🥰🤗🥰

0
0
0.000
Reply