What Happened to Etiquette
When did we stop giving a damn about basic manners?
I'm not talking about fancy etiquette. Which fork to use at dinner. How to properly address royalty. That stuff. I'm talking about basic human decency. Common courtesy. The simple shit that used to be expected.
People show up to the store in pajamas now. Not running in for medicine at 2 AM because you're sick. Middle of the afternoon. Pajama pants and slippers like they just rolled out of bed. No shame. No second thought. Just out in public looking like they gave up on life. Put on some real pants. It's not that hard.
Pants worn down to the thighs. Underwear on full display. Walking around holding their waistband so their pants don't fall off completely. How is that comfortable. How is that acceptable. Nobody wants to see your ass. Pull your damn pants up.
Nobody holds doors anymore. You walk into a building and the person in front of you lets it slam in your face. Doesn't even look back. Doesn't care. Common courtesy used to be you hold the door for the person behind you. Now people act like you don't exist. Would it kill you to look over your shoulder?
Nobody addresses elders appropriately. Yes sir. No ma'am. Please. Thank you. Basic respect for people who've been around longer than you. That's disappearing. Everyone talks to everyone the same way now. No deference. No acknowledgment that maybe someone with more years on this earth deserves a little extra respect. Just grunts and one word answers.
I don't think this is a generational thing. I see it across all ages. Young people. Middle aged people. People my age who should know better. Something shifted in society and nobody seems to care how they present themselves or how they treat others anymore.
I don't know what caused it. Maybe we got too comfortable. Maybe we stopped teaching this stuff. Maybe everyone got so focused on themselves they forgot other people exist. Maybe respect just went out of style and nobody told me.
Whatever happened it's noticeable. And it's getting worse. Every time I go out I see something that makes me shake my head.
I was raised to present myself a certain way in public. To treat people with respect. To say please and thank you. To hold the door. To dress like I gave a damn when I left the house. That wasn't optional. That was expected. You didn't leave the house looking like a slob. You didn't treat strangers like they were invisible. That's just how it was.
Now expectations are gone. Anything goes. And we wonder why everything feels coarser. Ruder. Less civil. We lowered the bar to the ground and people still trip over it.
I'm not asking for perfection. Just basic effort. Basic courtesy. Basic respect for yourself and the people around you.
Is that really too much to ask?
Anyone else notice this or am I just turning into a grumpy old man?
Thanks for reading,
Joe
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You're not a grumpy old man... In recent times, society has lost a lot. Everyone looks at themselves, or rather, they look at a screen. Human beings don't matter and no one looks at or respects each other. There are no manners, not even basic ones, especially among young people... Maybe they're zombies.
But I notice it among all ages. Not just young people. Even people my age seem to have lost their ability to be respectful and show manners. I can't just blame the younger generation either. It is the older generations who set the example and who are supposed to hold them to account. I do agree, thatmany nowadays seem to be zombies. Especially walking around with heads in their phones.
Is something going on in their heads? If it's true that grown-ups, who should set an example, are in the same situation... two kinds of humans?
I am not sure. I need more coffee to think on this :-).
Haha, thanks for that cup of coffee, there's a lot to do!
It's like you say a cultural shift has occurred - from being a society with shareed values to an individualistic one. Your desire for basic effort, courtesy, and respect is not too much to ask. By embodying these qualities yourself and fostering them in your immediate community, you contribute to the very change you wish to see in the world. It's a continuous effort, but one that begins with individual commitment.
I just try and continue to be me. Like you said, be the change you want to see.
The saggy pants thing started when I was in high school in the early 90s. I always had the exact same question you wrote: how in the world is that comfortable? I know it's an inclusion thing. Your group does it so you do it. But still... I would think basic comfort would win out. And adults these days who still do it, they don't have the high school group thing to excuse the behavior. It just baffles me. And it really baffles me that 30 years later, it's still a thing.
I've seen the pajamas thing on youtube and heard about it from friends. Luckily, Japan is still fairly formal when out and about. Women are still stuck in the 1950s where they feel the need to put on skirts, do their hair, and wear heels when they leave the house. Men are growing more casual, but still, nowhere near as casual as people in the US have fallen.
I blame the social media and the algorithms. Everything thinks they are the main character now and no one else matters, so their own comfort is the only thing in their mind.
I agree. Individualism has a lot to do with it. I do miss Japan and it's formal ways sometimes.
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I've noticed that too, and you're not asking too much at all. It's basic etiquette. You're likely right that we've gotten too comfortable as life has grown more complex. It seems every technological leap shifts our behavior and fundamentally changes how we interact. As much as I feel like basic etiquette should be enforced, I know that would be absurd.
I agree, it would be silly to try and enforce manners. I tried reinforcing it with my kids. But I even see it disappearing in their behaviors.
I try to do a lot of those things. There are times I am so deep in my own head that I forget though. I think the thing that bugs me the most and it is quite silly, but I can't stand it when guys wear hats in church. I guess I am getting old!
I think we are my friend.
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Thanks
I still do the basic and I've noticed a lot of people still do the same in my place.
That is good. Nice too hear there is still some basic manners somewhere in the world. 😀
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