Tales of the Urban Explorer: Kiko's Nightclub

Unlike some of the places I visit, 'Kiko's Nightclub' is well-documented, and there's plenty of commentary on the internet about what it was like in the past, and more than one or two 'bad comments'.

It all began a year before, in 2022. Kiko's was on our visit hit list after getting a tip from @lpff that it had been infiltrated not long ago. We looked around and couldn't find a way in, the back being off limits due to a huge wall being conveniently in the way.

We felt cheated at the time, but not beaten.

One year later, we were back and tried the one thing we hadn't the first time: turning the handle on the front door. Granted, it looked locked, but as it opened, my jaw fell open.

Except it was, and we quickly herded our arses inside and out of the very public entrance we were making.

Kiko's Nightclub opened its doors in 1974, had a few refits, and closed around 2014 despite a lot of public information stating it was 2011.

- Source

Edwin Starr once did a live performance in 1992. Never heard of him? You need to be old for that.

Some of the comments on the old forums proved entertaining.

I have done a few nightclubs, and let me tell you, they tend to be dark, dingy places with black walls, and the carpets that used to stick to your feet still do. It's as though the beer slop has imbued itself into the fabric and magnified itself.

Is this where we pay to get in? Maybe we bypassed the bouncers, as none appeared to be present.

The garish pink was hurting my eyes. I could turn off the light, but then I would be in a nightmarish black hell with tinges of bright pink on the edges of my sight.

Better to endure the eye irritation.

No carpets, but shit.., my feet were threatening to fall through the floor on each step. Talk about a squishy underfoot experience. This is where it all happened, and it was quite small for a club.

I wonder if that was the DJ ring, or one of those exhibition areas where a hot girl would provocatively dance with arms flowing all over her body, whilst causing the blokes to pant, as well as throb in the groin area?

What a black looking place, although the pink had not completely vanished. The mirrors, now smashed and cracked, were once a place to watch yourself boogie.

The tape was doing a bad job of keeping me from the bar, or that's my guess at its former profession. It looks suspiciously like an attempt at building something that had been abandoned.

The back door is another way into 'Kiko's Nightclub'. Getting to the said door from the outside proved extremely difficult for us.

Was this some type of kitchen or bathroom? I struggled to figure out what I was seeing.

Back to the dance floor; don't you see yourself getting up and shaking your booty?

Taking a piss was another feature lacking at 'Kiko's Nightclub'. Sometimes it's better to go out of the back door and drain your lizard in the overgrown back yard.

'Bass in the Place'. It must have boomed out, and from what I see on local forums, it did make a hell of a din when it was operational.

You have no convictions, Emily Ann, so you can legally serve booze to the local alcoholics and pissheads from 8.30 pm onwards.

A cider delivery for Miss Emily dated 2012, which confirms it closed later than 2011. Did Emily sell anything other than loopy juice?

Leave the leather chair and the printer/photocopier. They are too heavy to move, or at least that's my theory.

Considering the amount of Xmas crap I see, I have another theory. The ticket sales for Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve were underwhelming, so Emily took the cash and ran come January.

...'from the same Kiko's forum. There's no bullshitting us Emily Ann, you did more than work there'...

Who goes clubbing in the most depressing month of the year? It's a fine time to bail and live in Tahiti, taking all the cash with you.

It's a comb binding device, meant to punch holes in paper. A little dated in today's world of e-everything.

It's safe to say the wankers beat us to the office area. The place was turned upside down.

If there's a wardrobe standing, one must push it over as well as try to smash it to pieces. It's not my philosophy, and I feel good not wanting to cause such vandalism.

I wonder how many girls lost their virginity while straddling the local gigolo in that very pink seat.

Did Emily Ann make her breakfast in here during the day when 'Kiko's Nightclub' was closed?

My taste buds are doing anything but watering looking at this frankly, fucking awful food offering, and that's after eating a Donner Kebab Pot Noodle.

The bills were building up in 2012. No flowing water, and those urinals will start to stink like a vagrant's armpit.

There's always someone who can't make it to the traps in time. Better here than on your underwear?

A cloak room, seriously? This is where you leave your outdoor wear (in winter), so the staff can rifle through your belongings and get a few tips.

Where's my stuff, on collection, you would say?

A shrug of the shoulder would be the typical response. Ugh.. It's so pink again, my eyes are reeling.

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