Help! I Watch Everything

Image Source: AlphaKaiser_II

You see that meme? Yh that's me

I told myself this summer would be different.

No heartbreak. No drama. No more yelling "shoot!" at my TV while Bruno Fernandes skyrockets another ball into the moonlight. As a Manchester United fan, I barely survived the season. I needed peace. I needed healing. I needed... to log off.

But alas, here I am. Eyes glued to the TV again. Watching Club World Cup qualifiers like my life depends on it. My guy, what exactly is Auckland City doing on my screen? I don’t know. But I’m watchinggggg.

Image Source: FIFACWC

And that meme? Yeah I am that guy.

I have my free streaming platform DAZN
I’ve seen every game including random Saudi league clashes with 17 fans in the stands
I tweet every second like I’m Elon Musk's assistant.
I plan my weekend around football

I know it’s madness. I mean, just last week I told my guy “abeg I no fit come wedding o, Club León dey play final.” He asked if I’m okay. I said, “Yes I’m watchinggggg.”

Even now, deep in June, when other fans are touching grass, kissing babies, or discovering they have families again... I’m back-to-back on matches like it’s DSTV Football Marathon.

The real problem? I blame Manchester United.

This club has given me trust issues. Every new season comes with hope, and every May ends in emotional damage. But instead of resting, I dive headfirst into Copa América, Euros, UCL qualifiers, even preseason friendlies in Thailand. Anything to fill the void.

And if you think I'm done? My brother, wait till Olympic football starts. I already have my alarm set for 2:30am Nigeria time. Why? Because I must see Ivory Coast U23 vs Uzbekistan U23.

So yes, I admit it. I am the football watcher.

I waste weekends. I cancel hangouts. I avoid real-life responsibilities to watch dudes chase a ball in front of 4,000 people in Morocco. And honestly?

I’m not stopping (this is a cry for help😂)