Treasures in the Dust
“Mmm,” Sade dropped the spoon. He hummed low and leaned back into his chair.
He gave a healthy burp. "Ahh… that was amazing," he said as he rubbed his belly, licking his oily mouth.
He stretched till his tiny feet touched the ground and got balance before leaping out of the chair.
He took his plate and put it in the sink.
He heaved a sigh. The day was free—a family get-together—no school, no homework—the day would be all fun. He stood thinking of all the things he could do.
One thing he loved about the house was that it was so big. The last time he was in the house, he was 2 years old and his mom didn't let him leave her sight.
But now he was five years old and free. And he planned to enjoy it.
He started the walk for fun with his favorite robot toy in hand. The first people he came upon were the adults.
He stood at the door of the mini parlor and watched them drink their adult juice.
He always wondered what it tasted like, and why it was for the adults ONLY!
He could only hear Uncle Levy and Aunt Jess because they had the loudest voices. He couldn't go into the room for only adults, and didn't care either, because he never understood adult talk.
Sade walked on. His destination was the big room. That was where the kids usually stayed together. He reached there and it was just Alex in the room. Alex was the eldest and almost an adult, so little Sade didn't bother and walked on.
The next room was open. He looked in, and Ashley was on the phone with her friends.
“Hold on a sec," she said as she walked up and ruffled his head affectionately before closing the door.
He could hear her laughing on the phone from behind the door. There was no way he could get her to play.
He went to the next room, and he saw the rest of his cousins.
Alexa was watching a movie with huge headsets on. Whenever she wore those, she was in another world and nothing could bring her back.
The twins, David and Samuel, were playing video games on their phones. They played them like their lives depended on it.
The last one, Cassie, was typing on her laptop. If she wasn't reading a book, she was writing one on her laptop, and somehow it was worse than the movies Alexa watched—Cassie was his favorite cousin because she wasn't always on her laptop and books and played with him the most, but when she was reading or writing, it was like the books held her mind hostage.
“Ready to fly to space," his toy spoke when he pressed the button.
Cassie, David, and Samuel looked up when his toy spoke. But when they saw it was just him, they turned back to their screens like nothing happened.
Sade sighed. He loved his cousins, but he hated that they were teenagers with devices.
If no one was going to play with him, then he would find a way to keep busy.
Light bulb! Sade remembered exactly where he needed to go for an adventure. He became excited and left immediately.
–––
Later that day, late in the evening…
“Dinner is ready," Aunt Soso, with the loudest voice, echoed in the house.
One by one, the dining room was filled with the entire family.
“Where is Sade?" his mom, who had already looked everywhere, said as she entered the dining room.
“Maybe he is playing somewhere," Alex said.
“No, I have looked everywhere except here and still can't find him," she started panicking as her eyes scanned the room.
Soon there was panic everywhere. It was getting darker, and everyone went searching with flashlights.
“Sade! Sade! Sade!" The air was filled with his name.
Almost an hour after a thorough search of the house vicinity, Sade's mom decided it was time to alert the authorities.
She was in the hallway, going to get her phone, when Sade dashed out of the room holding a shiny pearl necklace.
“Look what I found."
Sade's mom jumped back and shouted in fear like she saw a ghost. It was Sade, who hugged her immediately as she cried,
“Oh my God, thank God you are safe.”
By that time, everyone had already gathered because of the shout they heard, and were happy and relieved to see Sade safe.
"Where did you go?” his mom said as she dusted his body—he looked so dirty and dusty with cobwebs in his hair.
“Well, no one wants to play with me, so I went to that room. It's old and has treasures," he said, showing the pearl in his hand. Everyone felt bad and guilty. They had ignored him all day.
“Wait, isn't that Grandpa and Grandma's room?” Alex asked as he entered the room Sade said he ‘adventured’.
Everyone entered the room. It was dusty, and Sade had turned everything upside down. There were cobwebs and old pictures everywhere.
Then Uncle Greg whispered, “I forgot how beautiful this room was…”
That evening, they sat together in the room, touching Grandpa and Grandma's old things, laughing at memories, and telling little Sade stories about the people he’d never met — they remembered the fun times spent together—all thanks to little bored Sade.
Image generated using OpenAI
Awwwn see how the little one gave everyone something to reminisce on .
Nicely done here
Thank you ❤️
Sade just wanted to play, but look at how he helped the whole family remember love and happy times. Please give that boy a big hug for me 🥹
Thanks for stopping by 🤗
Such a sweet story. Remembering the good old days.
Thanks for stopping by 🤗
Sade's voice and memories don't appear to match his age. It's important to ensure that you don't create disconnect between your characters and your readers. Your story also felt underdeveloped. You introduced characters and specific toys but didn't take them anywhere. You introduced a set of grandparents with an old bedroom right at the end of the story that had no link to the rest of the story. There was no foreshadowing. A good piece of fiction has well developed characters and a good story and character arc. You can read articles on the different attributes of fiction in The Ink Well. See Catalogue of fiction writing tips. There were also some flags raised with respect to the possible use of AI editing. Please could you advise what editing software you are using and to what extent.
Truly thank you for the feedback. Even I after posting it read it again and felt the story was incomplete.
As for my editing tool, I used gramarly for only spellings check.