A Silent Goodbye

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We say love is the whole world, but what happens when the people who make up our universe becomes the reason it crumbles?

This was the question I began to ask myself when my relationship with Jide ended. I cried more than I ever had in my entire life. My head ached with the kind of pain that only comes when you've been diagnosed with a bad migraine. I never imagined that the love we shared would pass through fire and come out burnt. Each time I sat down to think about the sour experience from this relationship, I would admit that I was deeply hurt. I couldn't deny it because the way Jide hurt me left me broken.

Jide and I met during my second year in the university. He was equally in his second year. I was a radiography student and he was a medical student. Due to the similarity of our courses, our departments were grouped to attend lectures together in the same amphitheatre. One morning, we had a 7:00 a.m. lecture and I woke up a few minutes late. I already knew the class would have been filled with other students, especially those who arrived early or stayed back in campus after night classes. I considered going back to bed, but I gave it a second thought, and eventually, I decided to go.

I quickly rushed my morning routine, skipped breakfast, and took a cab from my hostel straight to the lecture hall. As expected, the hall was packed, with people standing at the back. I was already frustrated and hungry, so I thought of stepping out to get a snack when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and saw him.

“Hey, you came late today. Do you want to sit beside me? There’s a free space,” he said with a smart mouth.

“Oh, thank you. Yes, I would appreciate that. But how did you know?” I asked him.

“Well, I always see you come in early to class. I recognize your pink glasses and signature tote bag.”

I smiled sheepishly, like I was shy from seeing a lover for the first time. Indeed, it was our first. I just hadn't realized it yet. That brief exchange sparked something beautiful between us. We went from sitting together for one lecture to introducing ourselves to making sure we never missed classes. We talked for hours, laughed like best friends, and Jide often cooked for me at his lodge located off campus. Whenever I fell sick, he would come around to take care of me and ask my friends not to worry. During exams, he ensured I attended night classes and explained anatomy with ease. He complemented me in ways no one else had ever done.

By the time we resumed for 300 level, Jide asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes without hesitation. Our bond grew stronger, and I felt safe sharing my deepest secrets with him, just as he did with me.

All of that changed when our departments moved us fully into studying our niche courses. Our lecture halls were far apart from each other and our academic demands increased just as we were told by our senior colleagues. I became busy with my daily studies and laboratory postings and hospital internships took most of Jide’s time, leaving us with only weekends to spend together. This whole cycle slowly created a distance between us.

One of my female friends who happened to be his coursemate met me at the hostel canteen one day and offered to pay for my meal. I thought that was generous, so I thanked her and we moved to the table to eat. While we were eating, she asked what was going on between myself and Jide. I didn't have any reason to withhold that information from her so I told her the state of things.

She empathised with me and also proferred some solutions to share with him to enable us get our relationship back to what it used to be. But what I did not expect was the revelation that my boyfriend was going out with another female student who recently got transferred to their department. She however asked me not to mention it to Jide but to watch his interactions as closely as possible.

Every weekend from that time I and Jide spent time together, I observed that he indeed had a new friend, one he never told me about. That was really unusual because he would always tell me everything. I looked through their chats on a certain Sunday when he visited me, and I realized that he truly had grown close to her. They attended classes together, ate out, and shared routines that once belonged to us.

At first, I ignored it. I didn't want my distrust to be the end of our relationship. Afterall, Jide had never lied to me about anything. But this continued for months and when it became clear that he was giving her more time and attention, I confronted him. He denied having anything to do with her and pleaded with me not to lose my trust for him. He apologized for not telling me about his new friend and the soft kisses he planted on my lips after that felt like a reassurance that he was still the loyal man I fell in love with.

Everything went back to normal again and we started making it a priority to invest more time and effort into our relationship. Not until one day when I visited Jide unannounced. Before that visit, he had told me that he would be at the hospital for ward rounds. There was even a time to it. So, I made sure to get to his lodge thirty minutes before his supposed departure. Frankly, I just wanted to deliver his favourite meal in person, since I made it that afternoon while thinking of him.

When I arrived at his lodge, his door was open, with the curtain flowing to the ground. This was how the entrance to his room always looked whenever the weather was hot, so I had zero reason to suspect a thing. I walked in and the first impression I had from what I saw sank my heart. She was there. The girl Jide never told me about was right there in his room and he had no shirt on, only his casual pants. She was dressed in a sleepwear, laying right next to him. I did not need an explanation. The reality before me already passed a message. My heart was shattered into pieces.

I went silent. Tears rolled down my cheeks as Jide hurried towards me. He tried to apologize, but silence had already taken over me.

“Tammy, please talk to me. It’s not what you think.” was the only thing he could mutter while the girl stood behind him with a sorry expression on her face.

His words to me fell on deaf ears because I was already lost in silence. I knew this was the end for us and I was ready to let go.

Maybe love is not the whole world, I thought. Maybe love is the forgiveness we give ourselves for trusting too much. Maybe love is choosing myself alone and no one else. I said nothing to Jide as I walked out of his room, hoping to find a field around to go rest my feet and mourn what we once shared in silence.

This short story was inspired by this week's writing prompt from the Inkwell community, with the prompt word: "Silence." Find the full details here if you'd like to start writing with us.

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