Time wasted or time not lived?

After reading a post from livinguktaiwan, I decided that today I could participate for this community, and as you can all guess, not for the best reasons!

This is my first post in this C/Rant, Complain, Talk community. Not that I'm not a grumpy guy, and often less optimistic than I'd like to be, but I always try to overcome the adversities that come my way.
I want to write a little about the last few weeks of my life. Having been recently on vacation, for a very extended period (approximately 2 and a half weeks), upon returning to work, a few hours later, I started to feel a "pressure" in my head, and a marked muscular fatigue. I thought that these symptoms were from returning from a vacation that was more than deserved, but unfortunately not experienced to the fullest, as it could have been.

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Well, that same evening, when I returned home, the desire to have dinner was not particularly important, but I felt a fog of ideas, and a huge weight on my shoulders, as well as the pain in the muscles of my legs and back... I had dinner, and went to bed, after taking an ounce of paracetamol. That night turned out to be a very restless one, with few hours of restful sleep, waking up frequently during the night, to go to the bathroom, and to drink water... By now my throat was beginning to show signs that there was something wrong with me. The next morning, unfortunately I couldn't go to the gym! My bad mood and will was taking the course of a precipice. I was dragging myself from the office to the living room, and from the living room to the kitchen, wandering around, not even wanting to go shopping, or to go out for air. Tidying up the house should have been my choice, but laziness set in and I could do nothing. The next few days passed by... Nothing distinguished them from each other, other than having in common a lack of energy, motivation, and the ability to think clearly and quickly. By the end of the week, and without the aid of paracetamol, even though the fever was not present, the energy was gone too... maybe it was left in the vacation that I so principally wasted without any appeal! A disgrace as far as the time I threw away is concerned, and that I will never get it back!

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That same Saturday there was a shooting competition... And you probably know by now that I ended up canceling my participation. My physical condition was really compromising my ability to make the most of the time and to do the things I had set out to do.

Sunday came, and like a true Sunday, I ended up wasting it too. I had to get on the club's Facebook to make a post, and before long I realized why I never regretted leaving social media more than 10 years ago. The time I wasted looking at reels, and other pages' posts will never be recovered. A real feeling of emptiness and absence of reality, mixed in a real mental fog, and emptiness of tranquility only interrupted by the back and forth from the kitchen to the office. A real perplexity of lost time, wasted forever and ever!

The following week, the one before the one we are now beginning, my days at work were reduced to carrying my bones and moving my legs just to get from point "A" to destination "B". Nothing gave me the joy of waking up, or even the desire to interact with those around me. Leading me to a despair of lost time, forced to spend, not living, just surviving and waiting and counting the hours for bed to come. Closing my eyes, letting myself be taken away from reality, and for a brief moment, or brief hours, my spirit at least not being tied to this useless, inert body that my lunch has been tied to for the last 15 days.

I am writing to you today, with only two workouts in the gym completed. I know it's nothing compared to what I had before, but it turned out to be a small victory. I hope that the drunkenness of soul, and the mental fog that has haunted me for the last two weeks, I will not feel for long months!

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I want to thank the whole community for being able to share these feelings. Many times we are not in our best shape - mentally or physically - but one must know how to respect the body. However, getting back to the goals we had previously set is just as important.

Bem Hajam 🍀

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)