Friendship

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The other day, in a sharing and reflection group, the topic proposed for discussion was “Friendship.”

That reflection made me see more clearly the importance of friendships in our lives. Is there anything so valuable and completely free in this life?

If we look at our lives and take them as a reference for this reflection, we can understand the essence of the question.

When we take our first steps in society, often only in elementary school, where we make our first contacts outside the family with individuals we did not choose, it ends up being our first opportunity.

There are obviously always many things we have in common with others in this situation. Starting with our age group.

Or even the games we play, our toys, our idols, or favorite singers. There is always a little connection that triggers an interest in seeking a safe haven in the other person.

As children, we usually have more than a dozen friends. Life smiles on us, and it's good to be with them during class and even after.

As we grow up and our interests change, so does our group of friends. Sometimes we are at a friend's birthday party and see faces we don't know. It is a time of discovery. We look for something new, not just things we have in common. Now that we are about to complete our first decade of existence, the solid foundations of future friendships are being laid. Many of these friends will never be seen again outside the school context.

Games are gradually replaced by other activities that involve more interaction and group decision-making. Friendship plays a key role in adolescent development. It is now that they begin to perceive others, care for others, and value others, and cease to be focused solely on their own needs and pleasures.

The leap into adolescence always comes with great turmoil. No one ever expects such a revolution, whether in physical, psychological, or social terms. We begin to awaken to the opposite sex. Our interest in seeking out others is no longer just about the individual, and sexuality has a different weight in our choices. We seek more contact with peers who appear to have a somewhat different hierarchical position, which may even help us climb the social ladder. We don't do this consciously, of course. (I think at that age everything is done in a hurry... and few things are conscious or thoughtful). Life awakens with great interest. Now, more than ever, it is important to establish contact with the strongest. This is when the biggest breaks with previous friendships occur. Either because they are no longer the role models we idealize as acquaintances or friends, or because the common interests of our childhood have faded to such an extent that they no longer carry any weight.

It's just one step from adolescence to adulthood. And when we get there, we only realize that we are already adults when there is no turning back. When we no longer have months and months of vacation each year. When we think we have gained freedom by receiving a monthly paycheck in exchange for some work we do, but what is actually happening is that we are trading time... our most valuable asset, for something else that seems liberating, but in fact is not.

We can still have our high school friends, but little by little, they each go their own way. Many get married... Some have children. Others move abroad. And little by little, all that remains is the desire to at least get together once a year, around Christmas, to celebrate something we call friendship, but which is perhaps more a longing for the days of our youth.

Now that we are adults, we can only be with our friends on weekends. And not even every weekend. The desire to see each other again is strong, but the laziness to actually make it happen is also gradually increasing.

Of the dozens of friends we had in our late teens, whom we thought would be friends for life, only three or four remain. But those three or four friends are the ones we can call at 3 a.m. to ask for something, knowing they will answer the call without hesitation.

From adulthood to middle age is just a matter of semantics, because give or take a year, we are entering retirement. The time we thought we had to spare now seems to be almost counted. It seems that there is nothing left. How strange that we can't look at our day and face it with more energy, isn't it?

The desire to see friends again is more than strong. But now, there are more limitations. Some cannot travel as they would like. Either because they are not completely independent, or even for reasons of physical mobility.

We spend more afternoons looking at old photos and wishing that time would turn back. But that was never ours. It just existed. We only had it in the moment.

Many of our friends are gone... And as we add years, we subtract days from our existence.

And friendships, if they weren't, quickly become what they truly are and always have been—pearls.

“Look, friendship is a serious thing! Do you know what a friend is? It's someone who knows us well and still likes us” - from the film “Profumo di donna” (1974) by Dino Risi

Source:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072037/