RIP
Subject line about says it all.
This is my dad. He passed away yesterday after a very long "battle" with ALS. It's called a "battle," I suppose, even though there is no arbitrary outcome with ALS. It always wins.
My dad and I very rarely saw eye to eye. I did love him. I know he loved me. But that isn't always enough to keep two people being friends. We had gone years without speaking to each other, both when I was a minor child and as an adult.
So, I feel something, though I'm not sure what it is. Not guilt. Not remorse. Maybe a little sadness. I got the news yesterday and finished the work day, made phone calls, drank some beer and got high, then continue today. Maybe I'm broken. Maybe I don't feel anything. Maybe there really is something wrong with me.
I'm beginning to plan a trip out west to Calgary for an indeterminate amount of time. I can work from anywhere, and I suspect that internet services are still available in Canada. I've been having a hell of a time getting the Canadian passport services office to issue me a passport via snail mail, so perhaps this will give me an opportunity to walk into a passport office in person to get that shit done.
I don't really know what to think. I don't even know what I feel, if anything, so I'll just spend some time thinking on what to think and then move on with my day.
Yes, I think I'm broken.
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(c) Victor Wiebe
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Death is never good news, his illness was not pleasant, lingering never helps.
Remorse or guilt may never happen if during childhood no strong bonds formed at the outset.
Hopefully that passport is sorted out to allow you to go up, it may feel different one day, perhaps not.
Safe travels, respect toward a parent does not always equate to love, no one can sway your mind except yourself to inner feelings.
!BEER
Thanks Joan. It's a little easier knowing that it was expected, at least. I'm flying out today; if nothing else it will be good to see everyone again.
Enjoy time with the family, rare occasion many get together. We all different, it is not ours to question.
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Sorry for your loss.
Perhaps feeling numb? Your heart may just needs time to sort it's feelings out friend.
Maybe. It is strange knowing he's no longer there to be my sounding board. I'm up at ass-crack-o-clock-of-the-dawn right now to fly out to Calgary. Perhaps it'll hit me once I get there.
Condolences brother.
Thanks man. ♥️