Sorting Through the Silence

My Crossroads Between Vet Medicine and Fashion

Lately, I’ve found myself stuck in a space that’s hard to explain. On the surface, I’m a veterinarian—after spending eight years in vet school, that’s who I’m supposed to be. I work in the field, I wear the coat, I do the job.

But beneath the surface, I’m not sure anymore.

The work is demanding—mentally, emotionally, and physically. And for all the long days, the stress, and the responsibility, the pay doesn’t seem to reflect the effort. Some days, it feels like I’m pouring out more than I ever get to refill. I try to remind myself why I chose this path in the first place, but even that memory feels like it’s fading.

And here’s where it gets complicated. Long before I ever held a stethoscope, I held a sketchbook.

I used to design clothes. I learned fashion before I ever stepped into vet school. And now, when I close my eyes and think about what excites me, what lights me up—it’s not always surgery or diagnosis. Sometimes, it’s fabric. Sometimes, it’s color and structure and story.

But here I am, almost 24, wondering if it makes sense to start again. Wondering if walking away from a path I’ve invested so much in would mean failure—or if it might mean finally listening to myself.

I’m someone who has always loved working with my hands. If I’m not sewing, I’m cooking. If I’m not cooking, I’m knitting. If I’m not knitting, I’m farming. Maybe being a jack of so many trades isn’t such a great thing—it leaves room for too many 'what ifs'. I sing too. But lately, the workload barely leaves me space to do any of it.

I can’t even remember the last time I just… explored... I’ve been promising myself a solo date since December. Now it’s almost June, and the only places I’ve been are work, church, and home. That’s it. Nothing more.

People around me keep saying, “It’s just a phase.”But it doesn’t feel like one. It feels like a reckoning. Like something inside me is shifting—and asking me to listen.

Maybe fashion isn’t a detour—it’s a direction I never fully walked. Maybe I don’t have to abandon vet medicine completely, but I also don’t have to pretend I’m fulfilled when I’m not.

Don't get me wrong... I like being a vet... at least some certain parts of it

But right now, I’m choosing to pause. I think i need to choose Me .To listen. To admit that I want more from life than just survival. I want creativity. I want joy. - clarity... I want someone to tell me, I'll be fine.. I want space to be!

Maybe the answer isn’t choosing one path and abandoning the other. Maybe the best version of my future allows room for both. A life where I still heal animals but also heal myself through creativity. Where I can merge the structure of science with the freedom of design. Maybe I don’t have to be just one thing to be enough. Maybe the beauty is in the blend—of skills, of callings, of stories I get to live all at once.