When Trust is Broken.

Every new person I meet is automatically placed at a very high pedestal until they prove otherwise. This simply means I respect such a person and as a result of this, I choose to see the best in them instead of approaching new relationships with skepticism or prejudice. Time and again, many people have proved unworthy of the unwavering respect I accord them which gradually lowers their standing in my mental hierarchy.

There was a very close male friend of mine whom I held in high regard. He was the kind of friend who deeply understood my moods and intuitively knew when to engage and when to step back. Our friendship dated back to my AP program days, and we managed to remain very close until a recent incident.

For a few weeks, I had lost contact with this particular friend (let's call him John) because I was absolutely busy and trying to stay afloat. Social media conversations; unless they were from clients, really didn't capture my interest.

One day, I was out house hunting with my best friend and at some point, we decided to take a break under a shade. While we were resting, another friend of mine (let's call him Pete) who happened to be very close to John, came along and we started catching up. After a lengthy conversation about life, Pete asked when last I spoke with John. I told him it had been a while and went ahead to explain why. I couldn't help but notice a change in Pete's expression when John's name came up, so I asked what was wrong. This led into yet another long discussion.

Pete, who rarely discussed such sensitive topics, suddenly opened up in great detail. He talked about how John had broken the “bro code” over a woman Pete had been pursuing, and how deeply hurt and shocked he was by John's action.

Even though it had been a while since I last spoke with John, and despite knowing that Pete was trustworthy, I instinctively found myself defending John. I tried to explain that this didn't sound like John and even went ahead to say that maybe Pete had misunderstood the situation. Deep down, I was genuinely stunned to hear that John could have done something like that.

After our conversation, we said our goodbyes and I reached out to John for a talk. While I didn't directly reveal my reasons, I asked about Pete and the conversation naturally unfolded from there.

It turned out that John was indeed guilty as charged. He shared his side of the story and it was similar to what Pete had said earlier. I appreciated his honesty, but for someone who claimed he wanted a fling–in his own words–he had definitely taken things too far and still failed in the end. It wasn't worth jeopardizing a close friendship over. The disappointment I had been feeling quietly began to surface.

Gently, I offered a third-party perspective on the situation and only then did he realize his mistake. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done and he ended up losing not just one but two close friends because associating with backstabbers isn't exactly healthy for my back.

While we still talk occasionally, the natural flow of our friendship has faded and I can say that his action had a significant impact on our friendship and the pedestal he was placed at.

Thumbnail is mine

LIEBE🤍