Forgiveness And A Tale About The Sore Sight.

I came across a prompt about forgiveness and the need for it recently. Is forgiveness really necessary or is it best to hold grudges? Unfortunately, I missed the deadline, but still I feel compelled to share my thoughts on the topic so here it goes.

Growing up, I was a malice queen and the amazing part is that I kept malice very proficiently. No one was better than me at it but deep down, I always felt more weight each time I got annoyed and refused to talk to a person again, which was almost every day. And this anger was always over trivial matters if I may add. To top it all up, the kids I grew up with were a very annoying set of people. My best friend happens to be one of the most annoying and fearless kids I met at the time, who would have thought we would become best of friends. The lady contributed to my anger management training unknowingly.

Over the years, the grudges became overbearing. I was simply tired. Tired of having to deal with annoying people. Tired of getting angry every time. Tired of being tired. This led to one of the most important conversations I had with my mom as a kid, one I would never forget.

I verbally listed out all the people I held grudges with at the time and the reasons why before telling her how stressful it was having to keep and always update the list. My woman(mom) told me that instead of keeping a list, I should apply a creative technique instead. Whenever someone annoys me, I should hammer a nail into a concrete wall and just forget about it. After six months, I should return to the wall, remove all the nails and see the state my heart would be in if I kept all those grudges. You bet I hammered those nails into the same wall each time. At some point, I grew tired of the hammering so I did the creative technique mentally. After six months, the nails were removed and the state of the wall was a sore sight. That would have been the state of my heart; a sore sight.

This creative technique was my woman's simple way of telling me that keeping grudges was hurting me, the bearer of the grudge, more. So why not let go.

From experience, forgiveness is not as simple as people make it seem. It is a gradual journey rather than a single act. Also, there is a huge difference between forgiveness and stifling feelings. True forgiveness comes from a place of confronting our emotions and making peace with ourselves. Only then can we make peace with others and by extension forgive them.

Do it for you and not them. Forgive for your peace and freedom. Forgive even when the perpetrators seem unrepentant. Forgive, not because it's the right thing to do but because you're the one in charge of your emotions and absolutely no one else can take that authority away from you.

We control our emotions and not the other way round. As such, being conscious and intentional about releasing negative feelings and choosing reconciliation, when possible, is always a better bet. Of course you can go all James Bond on the perpetrator and knock off a few teeth in the process but to what end?

Forgiveness doesn't just bring healing and peace, it ensures personal growth. When we choose to forgive, we're showing humility, empathy, strength and wisdom. It allows us to grow as individuals.

The simple steps I follow are usually to acknowledge the hurt and allow myself to feel the emotions. Next, I reflect on the situation and its impact on me(my life, my mental and physical health and my daily activities). Then comes the act of letting it all go; the rage and every other thing. To reiterate, I do this for me because I'm in control.

Here's a question for you: when was the last time you took charge of your emotions? How did it feel? Liberating? I'd love to hear your response.

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^{Image is mine}

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LIEBE 🤍