Why I don't keep friends

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Why I don't keep friends

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Seriously,I have never been the type of person to have a lot of friends. Even when I was young, I only had a few close friends. But after one of my best friends betrayed me, I stopped letting people get close to me at all. Now, my only friends are my wife and children.

When I was a kid, I was kind of shy. I did not make friends easily. I liked spending time by myself, reading books and using my imagination. The other kids thought I was weird for not wanting to play tag or kickball all the time. So I did not have many friends back then - just two or three kids who also liked quiet activities. And that was enough for me.

In high school and college, I opened up a little bit more. I joined a few clubs and made some casual friends there. I even had a tight-knit group of three buddies that I did everything with. We called ourselves the "Three Amigos." One of those guys, named James, became my absolute best friend. We told each other everything and hung out almost every day. I thought nothing could come between us.

James and I got into a huge argument over something silly - I don't even remember what it was about now. I thought we would cool off for a few days and then make up like we always did. Except this time, James didn't get over it. He turned all my other friends against me. He told them lies about things I had supposedly said and done to betray his trust. It was awful. My once-strong friend group completely ostracized me seemingly overnight.

I later learned that James had developed a drug habit which changed his personality. His life was falling apart, so he took it out on me instead of asking for help like a real friend would have. But none of that excused what he did. The damage was already done. I learned the hard way that I couldn't necessarily trust anyone - even my closest childhood companion.

After that experience, I put up major barriers between myself and potential new friends. I still made pleasant small talk with acquaintances and coworkers to be polite. But I vowed not to let anyone get so close again. The pain of losing that intimacy and being backstabbed was just too severe.

The one exception has been my lovely wife. She helped me heal and taught me what a healthy, supportive relationship really looks like. I knew I wanted to marry her within six months of our first date. Now, 9 years and two kids later, she remains my true soulmate and confidant. I tell my wife everything on my mind, and she has never judged me.

So these days my inner circle is small - just my wife and children. My wife gets me. She validates my need for space and alone time. Our young kids obviously demand a lot of energy, but being a father has brought me tons of joy. Whenever I'm having a bad day, just holding my son or getting a homemade card from my daughter makes everything better. My family keeps me grounded and fills me with purpose.

I no longer crave a big social network. In fact, too many casual friendships sound emotionally exhausting at this point. I tried that in college, and look where it got me. For now I'm content focusing my love and effort on the ones who matter most - my wife and kids. As far as I'm concerned, true friends should be cherished, not collected. And real friendship means I never have to second-guess motives or loyalty. My small inner circle gives me all of that and more. I don't plan on expanding it anytime soon.

The experience with James really made me question if I even wanted close friendships at all. After putting my trust in someone for years only to have them completely betray me, part of me just wanted to isolate myself altogether.

For a while after falling out, I only hung out with my wife and family. I even became short and irritable with my few remaining friends, likely subconsciously testing them to see if they would also abandon me. Most of those casual friendships sadly didn't survive that rocky period.

Tope and I go way back to playing tee ball together at age 6. Even though we went to different high schools, we made an effort to meet up a few times a year as adults. When I pushed everyone away while coping with the James drama, Tope persisted. He showed up at my doorstep one night and effectively said "Get over yourself, dude." His blunt words were what I needed to hear. I realized isolating myself completely would only make me bitter and miserable.

So for Tope, I've made an exception to my small inner circle philosophy. He has more than proven his loyalty over the past three decades. Tope is the type of easy going guy everyone likes too, so it's impossible for me to feel drained after hanging out with him. We typically meet up once a month or so for dinner and catch up like no time has passed. Tope entertains me with the latest antics of his three kids while I fill him with work stuff or bounce questions off him about raising my own young ones.

I know I can count on Tope because he’s essentially family to me at this point. We’ve been through so much together from childhood holidays to college road trips and beyond. He was even my best man at my wedding to my wife after initially introducing us through a class they shared. So Tope has earned a uniquely trusted place in my otherwise very small social bubble following the friend's betrayal. If everyone could have a Tope in their life, I think fewer people would end up feeling isolated or lonely. His reliability reminds me that while most friends may come and go, some bonds truly stand the test of time if given the chance.

Thank you for reading my post