My Earliest Childhood Memory and Why It Still Sticks With Me

When I think back to my earliest childhood memory, what usually comes to mind isn't a festive celebration, birthday party, or cheerful playground scene; instead, it's a rather humbling moment during my elementary school days when I had an argument with my cousin. It ended in a way that I'll never forget. I didn't have this in mind till date because I don't easily forgive; rather, because of what happened, it wasn't a disagreement that left a physical scar but one where what was said made me feel bad, and below I'll tell you all about it.

On that fateful day we were talking about school and our academic performance, and during the course of that conversation she went on to mock me for having a terrible result; she went on to laugh, which further angered me, and in a moment of vulnerability, I blurted out something from a place of frustration, which I immediately regretted saying. I told her, "I wish I could start my education all over again from the first stage so that I can focus and get good grades."

Instead of her showing me empathy, she laughed more and went to tell her mom what I said, and her mom joined in the laughter. I was literally burning with anger and regret because they ridiculed me and shamed me for my academic struggles. I opened up because I saw it as an avenue for honest reflection on my desire to do better; now I regret opening up.

There were two key reasons why that moment stuck with me till date. Firstly, I regretted the way I expressed myself. I really wished I had tamed just my tongue or said something else, because the pain of being laughed at for coming out straight that I want to improve myself went on to haunt me for years. That experience made me realize how easily people can turn vulnerability into a joke. It greatly influenced how I grew up to not open up about what's going on with me to those around me.

Secondly, and more importantly, I see that experience as a defining moment of self-awareness, although I was mocked for saying that statement, but still we can't take away the fact that it was real. I was literally acknowledging the fact that I'm not putting in my best efforts and that there's a need for a change, even though my craving for change was limited to my understanding as a child, but looking back I can't help but recognize that that was the first time I truly recognized my own shortcomings and felt an urge to correct them, and I strongly believe that's why the memory is still vivid in my mind after all these years.

With time I've come to realize that this childhood memory holds more meaning because it taught me that:

• Growth starts with honesty; the first step towards becoming the best version of ourselves is admitting when we fall short.

• Realizing that it's not everyone that understands our journey, it's normal to see people mock you when they don't understand or can't relate to your situation; regardless of how they react, that shouldn't stop you from striving to improve.

• The times we learn the most powerful lessons are during moments of pain, because if you can rise from it, what once felt like shame in the past will become what fuels your desire to help others, and that's probably one of the major reasons why I chose teaching as a profession.

• To stay humble and never ridicule someone who's trying to change.

To date, when I face moments of self-doubt or challenges, I usually remember that little boy who wanted to start all over, not because I was weak, but out of my genuine desire to become better. Remembering that usually goes on to strengthen me to push on.

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All photos are mine.

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