The Version of Me That Wanted Approval

Hello great friends, welcome to my blog.

In all of the topics for the #HiveGhana weekly engagement Wk136, this topic was quite relatable for me

“Before we experience growth, we do a lot of things. Some, we aren’t proud of, others, we have no explanation for. Have you ever done something or been a totally different person for approval either at work or school? From your boss or colleagues? Did you regret it and did you even get that approval at all?”

I felt intrigued and so I decided to write about it. Looking at myself now I can truly say that growth has happened and a lot of things have really changed in me and I am grateful for that.

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There was a time in my life when I wasn’t really myself and do you know the scary part of it? I didn’t even notice it, to me I was just myself. All I thought of me was that I am just that lonely girl who just wanted to belong, I wanted to have real friends, I wanted to feel loved, chosen and included too and for this I thought I needed to change to fit in and to be loved.

I thought being nice, cool and always giving in would make people stay, I wish I had known earlier that the right people would always stay regardless.

So I became that person who was always very kind, showed up and would always care a lot and most times do things I naturally would not do but all because I wanted to be on their good book I did them, even when I was dying inside no one really cared.

Actually I am not regretting being kind but the motive of my niceness then is what I regret, that was a wrong thing to do just because I wanted to feel among.

Not just that I also pretended to like things even though I did not like them, I would always pretend to like what the loved so that I won’t look awkward or become the odd one among them.

To me, I really believed that would work, I thought loosing myself to be chosen was the right thing to do, I just wanted to gain their approval and be among them, naïve me sha, lol.

You know, deep down I was tired of all of that and the part that hurt the most was that after all the niceness and shrinking and all of that, it didn’t change anything people still chose who they wanted to choose and they move on so easily like I never existed at all.

It really did hurt that I kept asking myself what exactly I did wrong, but no! I did nothing wrong, atleast I learnt better and I understand better now too.

I had to be honest with myself and just be me, the right people would always stay and truly the right ones stay till now. I don’t have to change who I am just to fit in but I just have to be me, maybe I thought I was growing back then when in the real sense I was only disappearing.

In all, I am still grateful for growth.

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