Mother’s Day, with a Quiet Heart
Honestly I wasn't able to greet my mom a happy mother's day. It's not because I didn't want either, but I don't have any contact with her. It's like the story will already stop here. Many will probably think that I am a bad person. But I know most of you will understand my situation.
I was young when I had my first child. Before I graduated my senior high I was already pregnant. My mom shouldered all the expenses so she got my first child as my replacement. But before she took it I already gave birth to another baby. After five months of giving birth to my first child I was pregnant again.
This is the reason why she got mad at me. But before I seek attention to others I asked for hers! But she's busy as ever like she already forgot that I was just a little child. I just knew how important a mom is after I stood by my children while their growing. I was able to attend their school meetings, watch their presentation when they have an activity in school.
I already knew the truth about myself. I was just a fourth grader when my grandma told me that they just adopted me. My mother left me in the hospital. I didn't have the courage to ask where my real parents were. But this year Mom and I misunderstood each other. I said I wanted to know the truth! But she knew nothing about my true identity.
My relationship with my non-biological mother doesn't have any closure. But I'm already used to her set up. At least she have my first born child, and either that was not close to us. There are a lot of messy strings attached to all of us. Let's say that I didn't understand the way she raised me. But I'm not a dumbhas I knew she loved me and I love her so much. But like the other aspects of life, not always love will rule our feelings. You need to show it in reality, our presence is important. I'm just thankful that God gave me a chance to show what my mother wasn't able to show me. The difference was my mom is a resourceful person and I'm not. But the happiness that I felt is really different.
As I looked for my true identity I'm still thankful to the mothers that brought me to this world. I know there's a reason why she left me in the hospital. And one day I know our roads will meet and I will finally meet her. A mother will always be a mother, our unconditional love for our family will remain special.
What you have gone through was not easy. It's natural to have longing for your biological mother but it seems there are no possible leads to know her. Perhaps social media can help with your search. In time, hope you and your adoptive mother will patch things up and reconnect with each other again. Your eldest child is with her; you must also be longing to see him/her and form a relationship together. Hopefully your paths will cross someday.